Justify Your Existence
I'm having a harder time justifying my existence lately. The plain fact is that I am a college graduate who is living at home and delivering pizzas. I spent four years at what is supposedly the best school in my state only to find myself handing food to assholes hoping for a few bucks.
Here are some of the particulars which have led me here today:
a) I took a degree with no immediate marketability.
b) I was a solid, but undistinguished student.
c) My social anxiety assures that I will not find employment using social networking and I have no family connections.
d) I am motivated to go back to school, but it isn't law school or medical school, so my father has a difficult time supporting my decision.
e) Having not held a job aside from summer employment, I did not have much money stashed away. I will be financing whatever move is next with a combination of loans and the money I can accrue while saving on rent and food expenses here.
f) I am needed here to help with my mother and if I left I fear I would be abandoning her. She would never abandon me.
I can appreciate how this melange of practical concerns and personal shortcomings puts me in my current situation, but I can no longer accept it. I have friends who are having adventures in France and Japan. The people I graduated with, my peers, are making more of their lives than I am. They are learning and teaching and becoming richer, more experienced human beings while I sit here in my bedroom and grouse. A year of my life has gone by which can be nothing more in my life history than a cold and vacant hole.
Here are some of the particulars which have led me here today:
a) I took a degree with no immediate marketability.
b) I was a solid, but undistinguished student.
c) My social anxiety assures that I will not find employment using social networking and I have no family connections.
d) I am motivated to go back to school, but it isn't law school or medical school, so my father has a difficult time supporting my decision.
e) Having not held a job aside from summer employment, I did not have much money stashed away. I will be financing whatever move is next with a combination of loans and the money I can accrue while saving on rent and food expenses here.
f) I am needed here to help with my mother and if I left I fear I would be abandoning her. She would never abandon me.
I can appreciate how this melange of practical concerns and personal shortcomings puts me in my current situation, but I can no longer accept it. I have friends who are having adventures in France and Japan. The people I graduated with, my peers, are making more of their lives than I am. They are learning and teaching and becoming richer, more experienced human beings while I sit here in my bedroom and grouse. A year of my life has gone by which can be nothing more in my life history than a cold and vacant hole.