Alysa
I know you hate me alright?
And I know you want all my money, I'm used to that.
But I really don't have anything to offer you right now .... honestly. You know where I stand on this whole thing but I'm still willing to give you some money.
I'm trying to work up an Ebay sellers account right now and get some quotes so I can sell some of my old stuff and get some money to give to you, to situate this new living environment and to manage to be able to eat.
I know you couldn't give a fuck, but even if you are mad at me, please tell me -why- you felt the need to put a wedge between Noah and myself? I mean WHY would you tell me he sexually abused you and then tell him you NEVER said that if not to fuck me over? Did he sexually abuse you or not? And if he -didn't- why did you tell me he did!? Is this some scheme you fished up to turn your rage from Noah unto me? You talk about me and treat me the same way you used to treat him. It saddens me, I used to look up to you so much. I'm sorry I went into that slump at the end of our relationship, I'm working out of it, trying to get some help and honestly trying to put my life on the direction it needs to be in, but that path doesn't have room for negative people in it. I want to give you what you want, but not at the cost of my life. You all, are well aware of how unstable I am, alright? YOU of all people know this so please, stop shakin' my cage, it takes strength enough to find justification to live on the brink of starvation and homelessness without a decent prospect of things getting better without everyone jabbing at me.
I hate the fact that I exist, if you took a gun to my head I wouldn't fight you. Can't you take satisfaction enough in kicking me in the shins and rubbing dirt in my hair?
Its a good thing we broke up, it wasn't a healthy relationship but I want to move on, I NEED to move on. And if I don't I'm going to lose my mind. You know I have no god to turn to, no sympathising relative nor friend with enough integrity (that I can try and find balance with) ... I'm trying I really am, and if you ever valued me for anything please try and work with me here. I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to hate this world. I want to be happy just like everyone else. But if thats too much to ask, then whatever. I'm working to find my path and I'll keep working until I can move no more. Even if this work has a very slow downward slope. All I can spare for you at this time is like 20 bucks max, MAYBE 30 if if my Mom sends me home with leftovers from her birthday or something ...
So if that'll atleast help, to some degree ... how should I get it to you? And I don't use paypal someone already stole money from me that way and I dont wanna repeat the process.
-Nicholas
And I know you want all my money, I'm used to that.
But I really don't have anything to offer you right now .... honestly. You know where I stand on this whole thing but I'm still willing to give you some money.
I'm trying to work up an Ebay sellers account right now and get some quotes so I can sell some of my old stuff and get some money to give to you, to situate this new living environment and to manage to be able to eat.
I know you couldn't give a fuck, but even if you are mad at me, please tell me -why- you felt the need to put a wedge between Noah and myself? I mean WHY would you tell me he sexually abused you and then tell him you NEVER said that if not to fuck me over? Did he sexually abuse you or not? And if he -didn't- why did you tell me he did!? Is this some scheme you fished up to turn your rage from Noah unto me? You talk about me and treat me the same way you used to treat him. It saddens me, I used to look up to you so much. I'm sorry I went into that slump at the end of our relationship, I'm working out of it, trying to get some help and honestly trying to put my life on the direction it needs to be in, but that path doesn't have room for negative people in it. I want to give you what you want, but not at the cost of my life. You all, are well aware of how unstable I am, alright? YOU of all people know this so please, stop shakin' my cage, it takes strength enough to find justification to live on the brink of starvation and homelessness without a decent prospect of things getting better without everyone jabbing at me.
I hate the fact that I exist, if you took a gun to my head I wouldn't fight you. Can't you take satisfaction enough in kicking me in the shins and rubbing dirt in my hair?
Its a good thing we broke up, it wasn't a healthy relationship but I want to move on, I NEED to move on. And if I don't I'm going to lose my mind. You know I have no god to turn to, no sympathising relative nor friend with enough integrity (that I can try and find balance with) ... I'm trying I really am, and if you ever valued me for anything please try and work with me here. I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to hate this world. I want to be happy just like everyone else. But if thats too much to ask, then whatever. I'm working to find my path and I'll keep working until I can move no more. Even if this work has a very slow downward slope. All I can spare for you at this time is like 20 bucks max, MAYBE 30 if if my Mom sends me home with leftovers from her birthday or something ...
So if that'll atleast help, to some degree ... how should I get it to you? And I don't use paypal someone already stole money from me that way and I dont wanna repeat the process.
-Nicholas