M*A*S*H/Doctor Who fic Chapter 2
Chapter 2: What's it all about, Henry?
***
“Sir…”
No answer.
“Captain…”
Silence.
“Hawkeye..”
Still there was silence.
“Hawk..”
A groan was heard from the depths of the Swamp.
The boy took a breathe, pressed his curved glasses on to his spotted lizard like face, gently pushed the door open and called out the name once more. Once again all there came was a low grunting sound. The boy sighed, opened the door again, grabbed a bucket of freezing rain water from outside and threw its contents at the bunk from where the sounds came.
“Ah! What the hell are you doing Radar? I’ll give you to the count of one to get out of here!” grouched Hawkeye rising suddenly from the depths of his inner sanctum.
“Colonel Blake wants you in his office, now” answered the boy in his usual way.
“If I knew everyone was gonna bug me I would have never come to this war,” pouted Hawkeye thrusting his boots onto his feet. “Well go on Lassie show us the way,” he teased as Radar walked off in front of him towards the Colonel’s office.
***
The Doctor slammed his fist onto the console in rage “I was checking the flight data and I went into history of America and it highlighted Korea so that’s where we are.” He rubbed his left hand through his ghost white hair and hung his head “I’m sorry Sarah.. I’m sorry that I brought you here,” sighed the alien.
“Well it doesn’t matter Doctor how about we take a look around? Ey?” Sarah proposed to her down hearted friend. The Doctor smiled slightly but did not look at Sarah. He then walked through the TARDIS door, with Sarah in tow, locked the TARDIS, scanned the area, took Sarah’s hand and began to walk in the direction of a group of tents that his hawk like eyes could see but Sarah could not.
***
"Ok Henry what is this all about? I was havin' a real nice dream of me marryin' a white fish when Flash Gordon over here woke me up," grumbled Hawkeye pointing to Radar then indicated his damp clothes.
"Radar," called Colonel Blake but as usual Radar was already in the room.
"Sir?"
"Good job Radar," grinned the Colonel as he noticed the agitated face of Hawkeye as Radar entered the room.
"Thank you sir," answered Radar returning the smile and then disappeared back into his own office giggling as he also realised the expression spread of Hawkeye's face as the rain water still dripped off his hair and down onto the floor.
"Ok, well..." coughed Henry trying to compose himself (no, really trying to prevent himself from laughing) "I got a report today from Seoul that our new chest cutter isn't gonna make it."
"What?! Henry we need this guy we barely made it with the last batch of casualties!" protested Hawkeye rising from his chair abruptly as if something had jolted him on the bottom.
As Henry was about to answer when his other Captain, Trapper burst into the room “What are you doin' Henry? I got a girl out there who I'd really like to get to know better. This better be important."
"Well..." began Henry but was interrupted by Hawkeye "Our new chest cutter ain't gonna be here Trapp"
"Oh come on Henry we need this guy real bad we can't cope with Frank's stupidity, if we weren't up to our armpits in patients ourselves we could have saved them three soldiers. Us three can't pretend to be four good doctors anymore we just can't!" Trapper panicked his fearful eyes fixed on Henry.
Before Henry could explain further Father Mulcahy came into the room "Excuse me Colonel I have a message for you from Major Burns," politely stated the Chaplin pulling a scrunched up piece of paper from his breast pocket. He raised his eyebrows, took a breath and began to read "Blake I will not come to your drink fest of a meeting and you can tell those two...lunatics to go and soak their heads," recited Father Mulcahy turning slightly pink having to change a word or two of what was written in Major Burns' crude handwriting. Then gasped slightly as he saw the dripping Captain Pierce "Why Hawkeye have you spoken to Major Burns?"
That cheery anecdote lifted the other three and for the first time since he became in that state Hawkeye laughed. He cackled uncontrollably for a minute or so. "Glad I could help," beamed Father Mulcahy with some pride.
"Where was he at the time he wrote this Father?" questioned Henry managing to stop himself from getting to the point of Hawkeye's fit of the giggles.
"In the Officer's Club Colonel," he answered. That was that. Father Mulcahy was in the presence of three giddy school children who by now did not care that they were laughing at Frank Burns or not.
Father Mulcahy began to chortle a little as he remembered how Major Houlihan was trying to steady Burns's head with one hand and his writing hand with the other whilst he spat his angry words onto the page that brought so much joy to the other surgeons.
"Oh yeah where was Hot Lips?" continued Trapper with the broken conversation trying to steady himself on a chair.
"With him,"
And that brought business to an end for a while as this tonic of laughter helped remove the angst from the room. Then in came Corporal Maxwell Q Klinger in a particularly beautiful silver satin evening gown and royal blue high heel shoes with his rifle over his shoulder.
"Klinger?" Henry gathered himself from the floor and motioned to his Captains to do the same and they obeyed.
"Ready for guard duty sir!" shouted Klinger presenting his rifle to the Colonel then saluting him.
"Anything I need to know today Klinger?" Henry rolled his eyes and wondered what was his Corporal going to put before him to certainly guarantee his discharge.
"Nothing sir just wanted to say how proud I am of being in the army sir!" barked Klinger who turned on his heel and marched out whistling a military tune.
Henry sighed then silently counted to three.
At the end of that period Klinger pushed his head around the door "Can I have my section eight now?"
Without hesitation the Colonel shook his head.
"I won't give up Colonel I'll be out of here, I will," promised Klinger and he strutted outside shouting "I comin' home to you Toledo!"
"Ok, ok," Henry more firmly now began his announcement again. The matter clouded over the 4077th as in the not so far distance loud screams of pain, gunshots and a frightening chanting was heard. The war was raging but not as it was written to be.
***
“Sir…”
No answer.
“Captain…”
Silence.
“Hawkeye..”
Still there was silence.
“Hawk..”
A groan was heard from the depths of the Swamp.
The boy took a breathe, pressed his curved glasses on to his spotted lizard like face, gently pushed the door open and called out the name once more. Once again all there came was a low grunting sound. The boy sighed, opened the door again, grabbed a bucket of freezing rain water from outside and threw its contents at the bunk from where the sounds came.
“Ah! What the hell are you doing Radar? I’ll give you to the count of one to get out of here!” grouched Hawkeye rising suddenly from the depths of his inner sanctum.
“Colonel Blake wants you in his office, now” answered the boy in his usual way.
“If I knew everyone was gonna bug me I would have never come to this war,” pouted Hawkeye thrusting his boots onto his feet. “Well go on Lassie show us the way,” he teased as Radar walked off in front of him towards the Colonel’s office.
***
The Doctor slammed his fist onto the console in rage “I was checking the flight data and I went into history of America and it highlighted Korea so that’s where we are.” He rubbed his left hand through his ghost white hair and hung his head “I’m sorry Sarah.. I’m sorry that I brought you here,” sighed the alien.
“Well it doesn’t matter Doctor how about we take a look around? Ey?” Sarah proposed to her down hearted friend. The Doctor smiled slightly but did not look at Sarah. He then walked through the TARDIS door, with Sarah in tow, locked the TARDIS, scanned the area, took Sarah’s hand and began to walk in the direction of a group of tents that his hawk like eyes could see but Sarah could not.
***
"Ok Henry what is this all about? I was havin' a real nice dream of me marryin' a white fish when Flash Gordon over here woke me up," grumbled Hawkeye pointing to Radar then indicated his damp clothes.
"Radar," called Colonel Blake but as usual Radar was already in the room.
"Sir?"
"Good job Radar," grinned the Colonel as he noticed the agitated face of Hawkeye as Radar entered the room.
"Thank you sir," answered Radar returning the smile and then disappeared back into his own office giggling as he also realised the expression spread of Hawkeye's face as the rain water still dripped off his hair and down onto the floor.
"Ok, well..." coughed Henry trying to compose himself (no, really trying to prevent himself from laughing) "I got a report today from Seoul that our new chest cutter isn't gonna make it."
"What?! Henry we need this guy we barely made it with the last batch of casualties!" protested Hawkeye rising from his chair abruptly as if something had jolted him on the bottom.
As Henry was about to answer when his other Captain, Trapper burst into the room “What are you doin' Henry? I got a girl out there who I'd really like to get to know better. This better be important."
"Well..." began Henry but was interrupted by Hawkeye "Our new chest cutter ain't gonna be here Trapp"
"Oh come on Henry we need this guy real bad we can't cope with Frank's stupidity, if we weren't up to our armpits in patients ourselves we could have saved them three soldiers. Us three can't pretend to be four good doctors anymore we just can't!" Trapper panicked his fearful eyes fixed on Henry.
Before Henry could explain further Father Mulcahy came into the room "Excuse me Colonel I have a message for you from Major Burns," politely stated the Chaplin pulling a scrunched up piece of paper from his breast pocket. He raised his eyebrows, took a breath and began to read "Blake I will not come to your drink fest of a meeting and you can tell those two...lunatics to go and soak their heads," recited Father Mulcahy turning slightly pink having to change a word or two of what was written in Major Burns' crude handwriting. Then gasped slightly as he saw the dripping Captain Pierce "Why Hawkeye have you spoken to Major Burns?"
That cheery anecdote lifted the other three and for the first time since he became in that state Hawkeye laughed. He cackled uncontrollably for a minute or so. "Glad I could help," beamed Father Mulcahy with some pride.
"Where was he at the time he wrote this Father?" questioned Henry managing to stop himself from getting to the point of Hawkeye's fit of the giggles.
"In the Officer's Club Colonel," he answered. That was that. Father Mulcahy was in the presence of three giddy school children who by now did not care that they were laughing at Frank Burns or not.
Father Mulcahy began to chortle a little as he remembered how Major Houlihan was trying to steady Burns's head with one hand and his writing hand with the other whilst he spat his angry words onto the page that brought so much joy to the other surgeons.
"Oh yeah where was Hot Lips?" continued Trapper with the broken conversation trying to steady himself on a chair.
"With him,"
And that brought business to an end for a while as this tonic of laughter helped remove the angst from the room. Then in came Corporal Maxwell Q Klinger in a particularly beautiful silver satin evening gown and royal blue high heel shoes with his rifle over his shoulder.
"Klinger?" Henry gathered himself from the floor and motioned to his Captains to do the same and they obeyed.
"Ready for guard duty sir!" shouted Klinger presenting his rifle to the Colonel then saluting him.
"Anything I need to know today Klinger?" Henry rolled his eyes and wondered what was his Corporal going to put before him to certainly guarantee his discharge.
"Nothing sir just wanted to say how proud I am of being in the army sir!" barked Klinger who turned on his heel and marched out whistling a military tune.
Henry sighed then silently counted to three.
At the end of that period Klinger pushed his head around the door "Can I have my section eight now?"
Without hesitation the Colonel shook his head.
"I won't give up Colonel I'll be out of here, I will," promised Klinger and he strutted outside shouting "I comin' home to you Toledo!"
"Ok, ok," Henry more firmly now began his announcement again. The matter clouded over the 4077th as in the not so far distance loud screams of pain, gunshots and a frightening chanting was heard. The war was raging but not as it was written to be.