The Fisher King, grumpy Sunday revelations and a free weekend
The Fisher King was charged by God with guarding the Holy Grail, but later incurred some form of incapacitating physical punishment for his sin of pride, and had to wait for someone to deliver him from his suffering. A simpleminded knight named Percival ("The Fool") healed the wounds with kindness to the king, asking him why he suffers and giving him a cup of water to drink. The king realizes the cup is the grail and is baffled that the boy found it, as demonstrated in the closing exchange: "I've sent my brightest and bravest men to search for this. How did you find it?" The Fool laughed and said "I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty."
I was in a bit of a grumpy mood on as I was feeling unsettled and Loulou felt the brunt of it, I talked through a few things with her to try and work out why I was vexed, basically although things are now going well, what with my new job is perfect (apart from the money) I realise I still have a lot of stress from the end of last year and from other areas of my life which I have not totally got over yet despite how things now moving on quickly and its constantly niggling me and I have yet to fully appreciate the present.
Thinking about it further, there's almost something biblical about my move to London and what's happened in 7 years, I came from nothing (Lancashire - same thing! Thank god I am not from Yorkshire!) to owning a 2 bedroom flat in a fashionable part of London, having a very strong, intense relationship with a lady absolutely everyone desires and fancies, have two beautiful pedigree cats, travelled continents on luxury holidays and met lots of people and been to lots of parties.
Naturally all this has been fantastic but in its own way my move to London has been traumatic, in a relatively short space of time having this lifestyle and being thrown into all this brought up all of my faults that it should have taken me a lifetime to learn in dribs and drabs so it very nearly broke me - because it was all so sudden and because I didn't know always how to act it didn't always bring out the best in me, indeed in some ways I buckled and looking back some of my actions or views were unfathomable, insane almost. Although there have been so many good times and I have more than most people ever will - there has always been uncertainty or stress about my present and my future, whether it was awful insecure temp jobs, never having enough money or me being insecure about Loulou - whilst I love the fact that everyone desires her and it makes me proud, after hearing over 7 years how 'lucky' you are to have her as if you are some Quasimodo freak or undeserving, it does get to you. Especially as I am not the most secure people at times (artistic temperament has a lot to answer for) So anyway after a whirlwind 7 years I am now coming to a period of time where for the first time I can be relaxed and not stress about life. I will not have experienced this calm since 1989, it really will be a new experience for me. Hopefully I can embrace it and really utilise it. I have a nagging feeling that this could well be my year.
Well Loulou is going up north this Friday to visit her family, I shall miss her but I am sure the break from me will do her good, she gets back Monday. It seems like ages since we were last apart, I have a few things planned but I shall most be at a loose end. I am sure I can find some ways to entertain myself though...