my life sux/is great
On monday night, I went to bed with the most wonderful feeling that I was getting better. After suffering through bronchitis for over two months, Monday was the first day I woke up with an uncongested nose, not one go at the tissue box and no sign of a cough from miles away.
Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling congested again. I got some flonase over the weekend and used some right away to relieve the stuffed up feeling. Ten minutes later, I started getting a throbbing feeling over the left side of my face. My left upper teeth felt funny and I decided to lie down for a few minutes hoping it was just a side effect of the flonase and needing to get better to finish studyign for an exam for the following day. The pain woke me up. From my temple, down to the bottom of the maxillary sinus, I had the feeling there was a rock or two lodged under my skin creating the worst pain of my life. Worse, my left upper teeth were now completely numb. First, I decided to try and ignore it. I sat down at my desk looking at the material in front of me that I had so nicely planned out the night before. I couldn't get through one page before panicking and needing to call my mom. She told me to go to the ER. I think the only time I would have ever gone to the ER was if I was coughing up blood, bleeding from my eyes, or had severed a limb. Everything else was not good enough. I called the doctor who prescribed me steroids and antibiotics ascribing it to an infection that was just not leaving my body. My maxillary sinus was SO filled with fluid, pus, etc. that it had impinged on the nerve innervating my upper teeth causing me to lose sensation. I ran to the pharmacy barely able to see through my pain, picked up the meds, and came home. It was 11:30 and I had lost my morning. I tried to sleep through the pain but it didn't work. How could my teeth be numb AND have the feeling of a toothache?
I began to cry. I cried for being sick, for not remembering the last time before Monday that I could say I was 100% healthy. I cried for the pain I was feeling and not having anyone around me to take care of me. I cried to my mom for half an hour, cursing God for making me feel like this. I cried because no matter how hard I had tried this semester, some sickness or another had taken control of my life and caused me to do mediocrely. I cried because I just wasn't smart enough to honors any classes, just wasn't good enough for anybody and hated my life. I cried to everyone and everybody, shamelessly and for all the thigns I hadn't cried for last year that had made me upset.
And then, the phone calls came in. Neha must've called at least 4 times suggesting osteopathic methods to relieve the pain (they WORK). She called before her presentation, after, before I went to bed, the following morning. Shraddha called every few hours to make sure I was alive. My mom couldn't bear to see me like that and drove down to see me. She massaged my face, cooked dinner and sponged my face with a hot washcloth soaked in hot water and eucalyptus oil. She didn't want to leave but knew that she would distract me if she had sat there for the rest of the night. By 5:30 p.m. I was feeling well enough to talk through the pain, read over my notes and try to do some practice tests. I had wanted to ace this exam but I didnt' know if I could. I tried hard anyway. I studied the minor details I missed, worked through some practice questions and reviewed as best as I could despite how I was feeling. I had made arrangements in case the pain persisted to take the test another time. But by the following morning, after a restless night, I woke up feeling much better and trooped in to take that exam. After the exam, I came home to rest for a few hours and then studied till late at night. When Neha called again in the evening to see how I was doing, I was able to laugh and make jokes and feeling like i had some control over my life again. Mom and dad were relieved. I was relieved. Maybe the rest of the exam period would be alright. I still had that numb feeling in my teeth and there was a slight headache I was dealing with but I had somehow made it. I don't know if I'll ever feel well again. I hope so. I had always prided myself on being healthy and able to get through anything. I don't know if this was meant to make me realize that getting an honors in a class or on all my exams was NOT the goal of my life. Maybe I need to focus more on myself and feeling healthy and loving the people around me who so thoughtfully called and took care of me. I don't know. Maybe this will all make sense in the future.
At first, I was too chicken to see how I did on the exam. I finally bit the bullet checked my answers.
I ended up with a 92 on the exam. Out of 120 questions I missed 9. Pretty damn good, don't you think? No freaking sinus infection keeping me down. BOO ya (or something like that).