Oh, very young.
I am terrified of not existing.
Well, maybe not not existing so much as not having the existence I want.
I worry that I won't have enough years in which to fit everything I want to do.
What if I don't get to run in a silk dress through a summer rain in China?
What if I never ride a camel in Jordan?
It's ridiculous, really.
I mean, I'm only eighteen and I've done more than a lot of other, older people.
I've ate bad Chinese food in a Parisian suburb.
I've stolen a spoon from a restaurant in Canada.
I've had my hair braided on the beach in the Bahamas.
I've ran through the cobbled walkways of a medieval village on a silent Sunday.
I guess I feel like I'm wasting my time at University.
What if I'm one of those people who are just not meant to go?
I worry a lot that I am living someone else's dream and that someone else is living mine.
Somewhere there is a girl who lives mostly as a nomad, migrating from place to place, soaking up Life but she wants nothing more than to have a stable life, to go to University, to have a perfectly planned out future.
I feel guilty about it, too.
My parents have done A LOT to make sure that I have had a wonderful life (even if I had to wish on like, 4 birthday cakes to go to the Bahamas).
They are still making my life as perfect as possible. They pay all of my bills: phone, car, hospital, apartment, electric, water, credit cards, etc.
I never want for anything.
They might even accept it if I said I was dropping out to travel.
Well, maybe not. My mom and dad love to brag about me getting my doctorate.
Kaaren is going back to Bali in October.
I'm not jealous of Kaaren. Far from it.
I mean, I have something she will never and can never have: our dad raised me.
But Kaaren has other things I can't have.
She grew up between Michigan and Australia.
Her mother was a missionary in Africa.
She has been to many places and while I don't really have any interest in going to a lot of them it just seems unfair.
Kaaren never has to work to go places.
People give her money all of the time.
People give her plane tickets.
People let her bum off of them when she is in town.
And eventually people reach their limit of Kaaren and she has to move on again.
I know I have the better deal but I want so badly to live my life in transit.
I've only been in Gainesville for two months and already I am aching to move.
There's something about Gainesville which isn't quite right for me.
It's not a big deal.
In two or three months I'll be going to either Michigan or Tennessee and then in another six or so months I'll either be going to San Diego or Winner, SD. And then in a mere two months I'll be in England.
I think things will be better in England.
I don't know why but it just seems like it.
I suppose the future will always seem brighter.
[ETA: So I found out Professor Caes has a seven year old daughter and all of s sudden he became like, fourteen times more attractive. Is that weird? Btw, I got a B on my anthro exam :/]
Well, maybe not not existing so much as not having the existence I want.
I worry that I won't have enough years in which to fit everything I want to do.
What if I don't get to run in a silk dress through a summer rain in China?
What if I never ride a camel in Jordan?
It's ridiculous, really.
I mean, I'm only eighteen and I've done more than a lot of other, older people.
I've ate bad Chinese food in a Parisian suburb.
I've stolen a spoon from a restaurant in Canada.
I've had my hair braided on the beach in the Bahamas.
I've ran through the cobbled walkways of a medieval village on a silent Sunday.
I guess I feel like I'm wasting my time at University.
What if I'm one of those people who are just not meant to go?
I worry a lot that I am living someone else's dream and that someone else is living mine.
Somewhere there is a girl who lives mostly as a nomad, migrating from place to place, soaking up Life but she wants nothing more than to have a stable life, to go to University, to have a perfectly planned out future.
I feel guilty about it, too.
My parents have done A LOT to make sure that I have had a wonderful life (even if I had to wish on like, 4 birthday cakes to go to the Bahamas).
They are still making my life as perfect as possible. They pay all of my bills: phone, car, hospital, apartment, electric, water, credit cards, etc.
I never want for anything.
They might even accept it if I said I was dropping out to travel.
Well, maybe not. My mom and dad love to brag about me getting my doctorate.
Kaaren is going back to Bali in October.
I'm not jealous of Kaaren. Far from it.
I mean, I have something she will never and can never have: our dad raised me.
But Kaaren has other things I can't have.
She grew up between Michigan and Australia.
Her mother was a missionary in Africa.
She has been to many places and while I don't really have any interest in going to a lot of them it just seems unfair.
Kaaren never has to work to go places.
People give her money all of the time.
People give her plane tickets.
People let her bum off of them when she is in town.
And eventually people reach their limit of Kaaren and she has to move on again.
I know I have the better deal but I want so badly to live my life in transit.
I've only been in Gainesville for two months and already I am aching to move.
There's something about Gainesville which isn't quite right for me.
It's not a big deal.
In two or three months I'll be going to either Michigan or Tennessee and then in another six or so months I'll either be going to San Diego or Winner, SD. And then in a mere two months I'll be in England.
I think things will be better in England.
I don't know why but it just seems like it.
I suppose the future will always seem brighter.
[ETA: So I found out Professor Caes has a seven year old daughter and all of s sudden he became like, fourteen times more attractive. Is that weird? Btw, I got a B on my anthro exam :/]