[ficlet: resistance (is futile?), durham county/due south crossover, ray kowalski/mike sweeney, r]
| resistance (is futile?) || durham county/due south || mike sweeney/ray kowalski || rated pg13 (language ) || boys + video games=OT3! || thanks to inlovewithnight for the beta! ♥ |
Resistance (is futile?)
The problem with playing video games with Mike Sweeney, Ray realizes, is that the guy has no sense of fun.
Sometimes Ray thinks that's Mike's problem in general, really. And sure, Mike probably has seven thousand things on his "list of Kowalski's problems" but whatever, doesn't know how to have fun was not fucking on there, thank you very fucking kindly.
Resistance 2, the game they're playing, is a PlayStation 3 game in which the world was invaded by aliens prior to World War Two. They play the multi-player co-op level when they get off work sometimes, which is a nice stress-reliever after a day working a job where you get a gun but can't actually shoot people that piss you off, even if they're low-life creepoid scumbags. There are laws and rules and stuff, and upholding those things are good and that's their job and all that, but man. Shooting aliens in the face really hits the fucking spot when you're frustrated from your job, which is something he should probably never admit to anyone, ever, or they'll make him visit the shrink again.
Of course, Ray spends a lot of time being shot in the game--there's a lot of flashing lights, okay!--and the last time he had a video game system, it was an Atari. Mike has kids--Sadie is some kind of freaking world champ at Soul Caliber 3, Jesus--so he's better with all the buttons than Ray is. Also Mike says he talks too much, and flails around with the controller as if that will make the on-screen character have better aim or something. Which it doesn't. At all. But Ray does it anyway, he can't seem to stop.
Mike plays quietly, silent, leaning forward and staring at the screen with single-minded determination. Ray is by no means a crooked cop (he can't lie for shit), but if he ever had half a thought to become one, all it would take was the thought of Mike Sweeney staring at him across a table to make him change his mind. Mike sometimes misses the homicide work, and he helps out with some of Ray's cases ("helps out" is a nice way of saying "butts in"), but he's really goddamned good in Internal Affairs. It doesn't win him many friends with Chicago's finest, that's for sure, but hey. Someone's got to do it, and besides, they've got a Playstation. And they stay up late sometimes, progressing through the levels as a team. They work good together, despite Mr. Ice-Cold Sweeney's silence and Ray's spastic flailing, which is probably some sort of meta-whatever for their relationship. If Ray thought about that stuff. Which he doesn't.
(Okay, he does. He just doesn't say it.)
Ray finds the online setting one night when he's finally, finally managed to wrestle the first controller away from Mike (the motherfucker is a control freak about everything, Jesus Christ). Ray accidentally selects the play online option, and when he goes to restart the game Mike just shrugs and says they should try it.
The set up is kind of confusing, but they get it working eventually and they end up on the same team, playing against some people with screen names like BIG_w33ner and scorpionsoulja. Mike's screen name is Msweeney46 and Ray's is RayK0413, so clearly they are doing something wrong, here.
When the game starts, there's a lot of sudden noise; the regular game noises and now the added sounds of all their online competitors chattering at once. And they have surround sound so it sounds like it's coming from everywhere.
"What the fuck, are these kids twelve?" Mike asks, glaring, because one of the other players just shot him in the back of the head and his section of the screen goes red almost immediately. "Also, do they ever shut up?"
"Really doesn't sound like their balls have dropped, does it?" Ray agrees, rolling his eyes as someone named ballz-2thewallz shoots him with a grenade launcher. What the hell kind of a name is that, anyway?
Mike is leaning forward, eyes narrowed. He looks really hot, with the frown and the determined grimace. Ray is distracted by this, and by some kid who he's pretty sure is rapping, and ends up getting shot pretty quick.
"Kowalski, you are the worst teammate ever. I'm gonna drop your ass for--who is that fucker, death_mob_killaaaa, that is too many fucking a's, we get the point--if you don't straighten the fuck up."
Ray is laughing too hard at just being killed by a guy named cexp3rv3rt--it takes him a second to get it, he has to say it loud and then he can't stop giggling--to answer. When he finally gets it together, he shoots a grenade at someone and--
Mike's screen goes red.
Mike leans over and hits him in the head. "Idiot. That was me you just blew up."
"Sorry," Ray says, not sorry at all. He opens his mouth to say something about how he will try very hard not to blow anything of Mike's in the future when he hears something loud and clear over the speakers in their living room.
"Whoever the fuck you are, RayK0413, you suck ass, you douchebag."
Ray blinks. "What the hell was that?"
"Your ass getting chewed out by a junior high kid," Mike says smugly, smirking at him. He stops smirking about ten seconds later, though, when he gets killed and someone yells at him, calling him an asswipe who can't aim.
"Shut the fuck up," Mike shouts, and Ray nearly falls off the couch, because okay--Mike Sweeney has a temper, the world knows that, but losing it at twelve year old gamer kids is a new low, even for him.
Not to mention--wait, no, this is too good not to mention.
"Do you really," Ray asks, and his character is getting shot all to hell but what the fuck ever, "Do you really think they can hear you, Sweeney? How? The magic microphone in your controller? The television portal to wherever the fuck these kids are?" He can barely breathe.
"We can hear them!" Mike says, and he sounds so indignant it just makes Ray laugh harder. "Well, how the fuck can I hear them, then? I don't want to hear them, fucking idiot kids, shouldn't they be in bed?"
"Fuck bed, Sweeney, some of these fuckers should be in the Army," Ray says, grabbing his controller again. "Puddin_72 is some kind of fucking crackshot."
"Seriously, Kowalski, tell me how I am supposed to talk back to these fucking kids, they need to learn some fucking manners, you hear how they are talking?"
"No, I can't hear them over how many times you just said fuck in that sentence, grandpa," Ray says, dodging the magazine Mike tosses at his head with practiced ease. "And you gotta have a headset to do that, which is separate from the game. I didn't buy it 'cause I figured you wouldn't ever want to play the online version, and if you did--nothing about what I know about you screams I want to trash talk at twelve year olds online, Sweeney."
"Yeah, well, I'm keeping the fucking mystery alive and I am going to kill whoever the fuck puddin_72 is, fuck the aliens, that motherfucker is going down."
Mike is pretty good at the video game because he has a lot more concentration than Ray does. Ray just plays along and tries not to crack up every time someone shouts something at Mike and Mike shouts back, despite knowing perfectly well no one can hear him.
"This game is bad for your blood pressure," Ray tells him, after he's shot in the head by deeznuts10, who does not sound like a twelve-year old, but who Ray tells Mike he's pretty sure lives in his Ma's basement and has never seen a girl naked in real life.
Mike gives him a look that clearly says you are also bad for my blood pressure--or maybe Ray is just transf--transpi--making that up, who knows. He points at Ray, his voice completely serious. "We're going to play this until I kill puddin_72, you got that? Make coffee if you fucking need to. And if you're in there, bring me another beer."
Ray holds up his controller. "I'm playing, see? You want a beer, get it your fucking self."
"Kowalski."
"Sweeney," Ray responds, his character somehow running into a wall and falling over a ledge into a swamp. It makes him lose his weapon, so when he re-spawns he has nothing but his fists and well, that's great, just fucking great. He comes back to life and finds a spot high atop a wall, and there, now he can be like a sniper and--
Suddenly, his screen goes red. Ray blinks, surprised, because how did anyone know where he--
KILLED BY MSWEENEY46
Ray looks over at him, waiting. "Not. Fucking. Buddies. You jackass."
Mike just shrugs. "Now you can get me a beer," he says, and turns back to the game.
"I hate you," Ray says, but he stands up anyway and heads towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna come back here and cheer for puddin_72 to kill your motherfucking ass, you got that?"
"Asshole."
Ray grabs a couple of beers out of the fridge, and then goes ahead and puts on a pot of coffee. He knows Mike, and the guy will not stop playing until he's satisfied. As puddin_72 is clearly some kind of fucking special forces assassin, they really are going to be up all night. At least neither of them have to work tomorrow.
Mike gets his man eventually. It's four am, though, so Ray is asleep on the couch when that happens. He wakes up just enough to fistbump Mike in victory, and then promptly falls back to sleep. He's dreaming about aliens, and he might have muttered, "You should nuke them from orbit, it's the only way to be sure," before falling back asleep.
The next night, on his way home from work, Ray stops by a Best Buy and gets the headpiece so they can communicate with the online players. Ray solemnly presents this to Mike over dinner, which is take-out that Mike brings home with him.
"Give 'em hell, Sweeney," he says, all mock serious.
Mike looks at him and grins. Ray almost, almost feels bad for puddin_72.
Almost.
Resistance (is futile?)
The problem with playing video games with Mike Sweeney, Ray realizes, is that the guy has no sense of fun.
Sometimes Ray thinks that's Mike's problem in general, really. And sure, Mike probably has seven thousand things on his "list of Kowalski's problems" but whatever, doesn't know how to have fun was not fucking on there, thank you very fucking kindly.
Resistance 2, the game they're playing, is a PlayStation 3 game in which the world was invaded by aliens prior to World War Two. They play the multi-player co-op level when they get off work sometimes, which is a nice stress-reliever after a day working a job where you get a gun but can't actually shoot people that piss you off, even if they're low-life creepoid scumbags. There are laws and rules and stuff, and upholding those things are good and that's their job and all that, but man. Shooting aliens in the face really hits the fucking spot when you're frustrated from your job, which is something he should probably never admit to anyone, ever, or they'll make him visit the shrink again.
Of course, Ray spends a lot of time being shot in the game--there's a lot of flashing lights, okay!--and the last time he had a video game system, it was an Atari. Mike has kids--Sadie is some kind of freaking world champ at Soul Caliber 3, Jesus--so he's better with all the buttons than Ray is. Also Mike says he talks too much, and flails around with the controller as if that will make the on-screen character have better aim or something. Which it doesn't. At all. But Ray does it anyway, he can't seem to stop.
Mike plays quietly, silent, leaning forward and staring at the screen with single-minded determination. Ray is by no means a crooked cop (he can't lie for shit), but if he ever had half a thought to become one, all it would take was the thought of Mike Sweeney staring at him across a table to make him change his mind. Mike sometimes misses the homicide work, and he helps out with some of Ray's cases ("helps out" is a nice way of saying "butts in"), but he's really goddamned good in Internal Affairs. It doesn't win him many friends with Chicago's finest, that's for sure, but hey. Someone's got to do it, and besides, they've got a Playstation. And they stay up late sometimes, progressing through the levels as a team. They work good together, despite Mr. Ice-Cold Sweeney's silence and Ray's spastic flailing, which is probably some sort of meta-whatever for their relationship. If Ray thought about that stuff. Which he doesn't.
(Okay, he does. He just doesn't say it.)
Ray finds the online setting one night when he's finally, finally managed to wrestle the first controller away from Mike (the motherfucker is a control freak about everything, Jesus Christ). Ray accidentally selects the play online option, and when he goes to restart the game Mike just shrugs and says they should try it.
The set up is kind of confusing, but they get it working eventually and they end up on the same team, playing against some people with screen names like BIG_w33ner and scorpionsoulja. Mike's screen name is Msweeney46 and Ray's is RayK0413, so clearly they are doing something wrong, here.
When the game starts, there's a lot of sudden noise; the regular game noises and now the added sounds of all their online competitors chattering at once. And they have surround sound so it sounds like it's coming from everywhere.
"What the fuck, are these kids twelve?" Mike asks, glaring, because one of the other players just shot him in the back of the head and his section of the screen goes red almost immediately. "Also, do they ever shut up?"
"Really doesn't sound like their balls have dropped, does it?" Ray agrees, rolling his eyes as someone named ballz-2thewallz shoots him with a grenade launcher. What the hell kind of a name is that, anyway?
Mike is leaning forward, eyes narrowed. He looks really hot, with the frown and the determined grimace. Ray is distracted by this, and by some kid who he's pretty sure is rapping, and ends up getting shot pretty quick.
"Kowalski, you are the worst teammate ever. I'm gonna drop your ass for--who is that fucker, death_mob_killaaaa, that is too many fucking a's, we get the point--if you don't straighten the fuck up."
Ray is laughing too hard at just being killed by a guy named cexp3rv3rt--it takes him a second to get it, he has to say it loud and then he can't stop giggling--to answer. When he finally gets it together, he shoots a grenade at someone and--
Mike's screen goes red.
Mike leans over and hits him in the head. "Idiot. That was me you just blew up."
"Sorry," Ray says, not sorry at all. He opens his mouth to say something about how he will try very hard not to blow anything of Mike's in the future when he hears something loud and clear over the speakers in their living room.
"Whoever the fuck you are, RayK0413, you suck ass, you douchebag."
Ray blinks. "What the hell was that?"
"Your ass getting chewed out by a junior high kid," Mike says smugly, smirking at him. He stops smirking about ten seconds later, though, when he gets killed and someone yells at him, calling him an asswipe who can't aim.
"Shut the fuck up," Mike shouts, and Ray nearly falls off the couch, because okay--Mike Sweeney has a temper, the world knows that, but losing it at twelve year old gamer kids is a new low, even for him.
Not to mention--wait, no, this is too good not to mention.
"Do you really," Ray asks, and his character is getting shot all to hell but what the fuck ever, "Do you really think they can hear you, Sweeney? How? The magic microphone in your controller? The television portal to wherever the fuck these kids are?" He can barely breathe.
"We can hear them!" Mike says, and he sounds so indignant it just makes Ray laugh harder. "Well, how the fuck can I hear them, then? I don't want to hear them, fucking idiot kids, shouldn't they be in bed?"
"Fuck bed, Sweeney, some of these fuckers should be in the Army," Ray says, grabbing his controller again. "Puddin_72 is some kind of fucking crackshot."
"Seriously, Kowalski, tell me how I am supposed to talk back to these fucking kids, they need to learn some fucking manners, you hear how they are talking?"
"No, I can't hear them over how many times you just said fuck in that sentence, grandpa," Ray says, dodging the magazine Mike tosses at his head with practiced ease. "And you gotta have a headset to do that, which is separate from the game. I didn't buy it 'cause I figured you wouldn't ever want to play the online version, and if you did--nothing about what I know about you screams I want to trash talk at twelve year olds online, Sweeney."
"Yeah, well, I'm keeping the fucking mystery alive and I am going to kill whoever the fuck puddin_72 is, fuck the aliens, that motherfucker is going down."
Mike is pretty good at the video game because he has a lot more concentration than Ray does. Ray just plays along and tries not to crack up every time someone shouts something at Mike and Mike shouts back, despite knowing perfectly well no one can hear him.
"This game is bad for your blood pressure," Ray tells him, after he's shot in the head by deeznuts10, who does not sound like a twelve-year old, but who Ray tells Mike he's pretty sure lives in his Ma's basement and has never seen a girl naked in real life.
Mike gives him a look that clearly says you are also bad for my blood pressure--or maybe Ray is just transf--transpi--making that up, who knows. He points at Ray, his voice completely serious. "We're going to play this until I kill puddin_72, you got that? Make coffee if you fucking need to. And if you're in there, bring me another beer."
Ray holds up his controller. "I'm playing, see? You want a beer, get it your fucking self."
"Kowalski."
"Sweeney," Ray responds, his character somehow running into a wall and falling over a ledge into a swamp. It makes him lose his weapon, so when he re-spawns he has nothing but his fists and well, that's great, just fucking great. He comes back to life and finds a spot high atop a wall, and there, now he can be like a sniper and--
Suddenly, his screen goes red. Ray blinks, surprised, because how did anyone know where he--
KILLED BY MSWEENEY46
Ray looks over at him, waiting. "Not. Fucking. Buddies. You jackass."
Mike just shrugs. "Now you can get me a beer," he says, and turns back to the game.
"I hate you," Ray says, but he stands up anyway and heads towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna come back here and cheer for puddin_72 to kill your motherfucking ass, you got that?"
"Asshole."
Ray grabs a couple of beers out of the fridge, and then goes ahead and puts on a pot of coffee. He knows Mike, and the guy will not stop playing until he's satisfied. As puddin_72 is clearly some kind of fucking special forces assassin, they really are going to be up all night. At least neither of them have to work tomorrow.
Mike gets his man eventually. It's four am, though, so Ray is asleep on the couch when that happens. He wakes up just enough to fistbump Mike in victory, and then promptly falls back to sleep. He's dreaming about aliens, and he might have muttered, "You should nuke them from orbit, it's the only way to be sure," before falling back asleep.
The next night, on his way home from work, Ray stops by a Best Buy and gets the headpiece so they can communicate with the online players. Ray solemnly presents this to Mike over dinner, which is take-out that Mike brings home with him.
"Give 'em hell, Sweeney," he says, all mock serious.
Mike looks at him and grins. Ray almost, almost feels bad for puddin_72.
Almost.