Fic: "Versions of Violence", Sam/Leoben, Rated Adult.
Title: Versions of Violence
Author: Sionnain
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing/character: Sam/Leoben
Rating: Adult
Notes/Warnings: Written for Rounds_Of_kink, with the prompt rough sex/anger and "I should kill you." Thanks very much to meresy and inlovewithnight for the beta! The title and the quote are from the Alanis Morissette song Versions of Violence. Contains spoilers for Season 4 of BSG. Please forgive my glowing spine fetish.
Versions of Violence
These versions of violence, sometimes subtle, sometimes clear.
That first night, some of the crew want to stay on Earth. It might be desolate, destroyed by some unknown war, but it's still Earth. Sam is somewhat surprised when Kara goes back to Galactica, but he's not surprised when Leoben follows her. Sam goes back with them, but he doesn't think his wife is paying him any attention whatsoever. In the hangar, he watches as Kara drags Leoben into a corner, arguing in hushed voices. He can't hear what they're saying. At the end, before Kara storms off (he's gratified to see that's the same with Leoben as it is with everyone else), Leoben says something and touches her cheek. Kara flinches, but she doesn't pull away--in fact, she turns her face slightly towards Leoben's hand, her eyes closing briefly before she pulls away with an angry glare. Sam feels it like a punch to the gut, Kara taking comfort from that--that thing, where she refuses it from him.
You're one of those things, too, his inner voice says tauntingly, but Sam quiets it with effort. He's not a Cylon like Leoben.
Frak. Maybe if I was, she'd want me again.
Sam waits in the shadows, watching as Kara walks right by him without saying a word. She doesn't even see him. Sam is starting to wonder if she ever will again.
Leoben sees him, though. Sam can feel it, a small tickle in the back of his mind, a zing like electricity against his spine. He looks over and the two men stare at each other amidst the commotion and confusion, the disappointment and elation Earth has brought to them all. It's a moment of poignant recognition, but Sam feels the stirrings of anger. He hates Leoben for what the other man did to Kara, sure, but he hates even more that Leoben is so supremely confident in his Cylon-ness, his otherness.
Leoben starts walking towards him, intent, and Sam pauses for a moment before he turns away. There's too much to do to land in the brig, and if Leoben opens his mouth and says anything, that's exactly where Sam is going to end up.
* * *
Sam stands in the shower, thinking about Earth strewn with the charred remains of some by-gone civilization. It reminds him of Kara, his marriage, and the frakking mess his entire life has become. The images are burned in his mind, a testament of failure, and he'd give anything for them just to go away. Despite the desolation of the planet below, people are still celebrating. He can hear them pass by occasionally; a rousing chorus of some military drinking song he wasn't a soldier long enough to learn, cheerful shouts, drunken laughter. He doesn't know where to go. He's not a human, he's not a soldier, he's not welcome anywhere. Even the other Cylons, while they regard him with some kind of odd reverence, don't necessarily want him around. Besides, it's not like Sam's eager to be all buddy-buddy with the architects of the human genocide, now, is he?
So where is he supposed to go, exactly?
The water is hot, almost too hot, but he can barely feel it against his naked back. Sam puts his hands on the tile and closes his eyes, intending to stand a few more minutes beneath the spray before going to bed. He's not tired, but there's very little else that sounds appealing at the moment, and he refuses to go and find Kara. Let her come to him if she wants to.
He knows, of course, that she won't. Wherever she is tonight, whoever she's spending it with, Sam Anders is the last thing on her mind.
His hand reaches for the faucet when he feels it, that same electric rush, and Sam stiffens when he realizes what it means. It's a Cylon, and he doesn't even need to turn around to know which one it is. "What the frak are you doing here?"
"What do you think?" Leoben asks, his voice quiet. When Sam turns his head, he notices Leoben's standing at the entrance to the showers (which are empty, save for Sam--everyone else has somewhere to be, some place they belong), and is still fully dressed.
"You're not here to shower, unless Cylons don't need towels," Sam snaps. "Go away, Leoben. Go find Kara." His mouth twists. "That's who you really want to see, isn't it? What, did you think she was in here? You'd probably have better luck with that than I would." Sam has no idea why he's saying these things, not when the truth of the words hit him like a punch to the gut.
"I doubt that," Leoben mutters, and rakes a hand through his hair. There is flash of irritation on his face, gone in a second, and then he fixes his gaze on Sam. "She's not too pleased with me at the moment. She thinks I lied to her about Earth."
"Wouldn't be the first time you lied to her, would it?" Sam takes a threatening step towards Leoben, not caring that he's naked, not caring that the shower is still running full-steam. "You've lied to her about everything else, haven't you?"
Leoben cocks his head, watching Sam's approach. He doesn't back up. "Of course not. I told her it was her destiny to find Earth. Everything I've ever done was to see that she did what God intended her to do. And she did," he finishes simply, his hands splayed in front of him, looking oddly like a priest giving a benediction.
"Yeah?" Sam feels the anger flare up, as hot as the water still steaming around him. "And New Caprica? What the frak was that about, huh? Finding Earth?" Sam moves before he can think it through, shoving hard against Leoben's chest, pushing the other man backwards. "Or was that to get her to love you," he sneered, all his anger focusing on the man in front of him, the impotent rage simmering beneath the surface finally rising to head. I can take it out on him. Who the frak cares? We don't need him anymore.
Leoben moves fluidly, absorbing the blow, looking as if he doesn't even feel it. "I did that to keep her alive," he says, his voice still very calm. Droplets from the shower are peppering his shirt, and when he rakes his hair back, the blond strands turn dark from the water. "I had to give her something to live for."
"She had me," Sam shouts, his words bouncing off the walls of the shower in an angry echo. "Until you took her away, she had me. A life. Our marriage."
"I really don't think that would have been enough for her, do you?"
Sam makes a choked sound, a wordless exclamation of a rage so thick he can't voice it, and grabs Leoben around the neck. He turns and slams Leoben against the metal wall of the shower. "I don't know," he answers, voice whisper-quiet. "I never got the frakking chance to find out, did I?" Sam crowds against Leoben's back, completely forgetting he's still naked.
"The resistance. You fought, Anders. You think she wouldn't have?" One side of Leoben's face is pressed against the wall, the water soaking through his clothes. "They might have killed her. I couldn't take that chance. The others, they didn't understand about Kara, that without her we were hanging motionless, threads without a pattern, that her death would unravel the tapestry of our destinies--"
Sam reaches out and turns on the water as far to scalding as it will go, feeling the burn and watching with vicious satisfaction as Leoben twists and hisses in reaction. Sam shoves him against the wall harder, growling, "Maybe she would have died. Or maybe we would have kicked your asses off that frakking rock. I won't know, will I, because you took her away when I was sick and left me to die."
Leoben is breathing hard, obviously in pain from the scalding water, but he laughs, looking up at Sam with glittering eyes. "It was only a matter of time, wasn't it? Before you lost her, I mean. Maybe you should be grateful."
Sam's body goes still. "Is that so? Or, you know, maybe I should kill you. For what you did to her. To me." He reaches out again and turns the water to freezing cold. He's so angry, he barely notices the shock of the temperature change.
"You're so alike, you and Kara." Leoben is actually laughing, though his body is shivering from the cold of the suddenly icy water. "All of this has happened before..." Leoben moves before Sam can stop him, in some twisting gesture that puts Sam against the wall where Leoben had been moments before. Leoben is not as tall as Sam, but Sam can't dislodge the other man no matter how hard he tries--and he is most certainly trying, shoving against Leoben's body to no avail. "I did what I had to do. Surely you understand that, don't you? Brother," Leoben murmurs. The way he says the word sounds like a cross between a curse and endearment.
"I'm not your brother," Sam bites out, the water sliding over his skin and raising goosebumps on his body. Leoben is warm against him, his skin warm like a human’s would be warm, nothing cold or mechanical in the slightest. "Don't call me that."
"But you are," Leoben murmurs. "You are my brother. You are Cylon, like me. Aren't you tired of fighting what you are, Anders? You fight against your path as hard as she does. God knows I will need all the patience in the universe to deal with the both of you."
Sam pushes against Leoben's shoulders, fingers tangling in the wet material of Leoben's shirt. "Get off me. I have no path. I have nothing." He blinks, the water from the shower running down his hair and into his face, stinging his eyes. "You don't have to deal with me at all. Me or Kara, for that matter. Leave us both the frak alone."
Leoben reaches out and turns off the shower. "Of course you have a path. God gives us all a destiny, Sam. And you, yours--you are one the final five. Exalted among us." Leoben pulls away, runs his hand down Sam's chest, his other still anchoring Sam to the wall. "We would welcome you with open arms." Leoben leans forward, his mouth a breath away from Sam's skin. "Brother," he says again, and touches his mouth to Sam's neck.
The current that connects them, that strange hum he feels around Leoben, is amplified a thousand times when Leoben's mouth touches against him. Sam gasps, he can't help it. It feels good, Gods, like the first time he scored a goal in Pyramid, the roar of the crowd, being with Kara, flying a Viper for the first time. It's exhilarating and terrifying and his hands are on Leoben's shoulders, but he's not trying to push him away at the moment.
"See? This isn't about Kara, Sam. This is about you. I can help you." Leoben's body is pressed fully to his now, and Sam realizes with some shock that he's hard, that his body is responding in a way he would have never thought possible. "I set Kara on the path of righteousness, to be a beacon in the darkness. I can help you. Let me help you." Leoben's voice is hypnotic, his breath warm against Sam's skin. "You could burn as brightly as she does, if you would just let yourself be who--and what--you are."
"Frak you," Sam mutters, and pushes Leoben again. "Get away from me." There is a hardness pressing against his hip, and when Sam notices it, he grabs Leoben's head by his hair and snarls, "I thought you loved Kara."
"I do," Leoben says, sounding unconcerned, unresisting in Sam's grasp. "As do you. But I keep telling you, this isn't about her. Besides, you cannot contain that which is infinite." Before Sam can react to that, Leoben shifts again and Sam is turned around, finds himself chest-first against the wall, which is uncomfortably hard, water-slicked but still cold. Leoben is pressed up against his back. The water stops, and Leoben holds Sam immobile with one hand in the center of his back. "I watch you, Sam, do you know that? I saw the way you looked at Kara today, the way you were on the Demetrius when we were together in her cabin. You are not jealous of any affection she has for me--"
"Yeah, because there isn't any," Sam snaps, looking over his shoulder. Leoben is stripping off his sodden shirt, tossing it to the floor of the shower in a wet heap.
"--You are jealous because you have no place to belong," Leoben finishes, as if Sam hasn't spoken, pushing up against him again. His chest is warm against Sam's back. Sam takes a deep breath, feeling Leoben's cock hard against his ass. "You seek acceptance, a place in the continuity of things which are greater than yourself. And you can have that." Leoben leans forward, mouth against Sam's neck again. "Eventually." Leoben sinks his teeth in lightly, biting at Sam's neck, and his hand goes around between Sam and the wall, fingers resting light on Sam's stomach. "There is anger in you. Rage, because you are not what you think you should be. You cannot see the light of truth when you are shrouded in such darkness and doubt. Fight it. Fight me. Go on. Through this will come the clarity you seek." Leoben bites his neck again, harder this time. "Go on, Sam. I can take it."
Sam fights because he doesn't know what else to do, because there's nothing else to do; Leoben has him pinned and there's no escape. He is twisting, angry, saying things that don't make sense--cursing Kara, Leoben, the Cylon race, the Gods, this stupid frakking war, Earth for being nothing but a barren wasteland, everything he can think of. Leoben's hand goes between them and wraps around his cock, and the hum between them sounds like music, like the music he can still sometimes hear when he closes his eyes and tries to sleep. Sam realizes he's moving his hips, thrusting into Leoben's fingers wrapped tight around his cock. Leoben's fingers are calloused and the friction is perfect, but Sam is still fighting, smacking his palms against the wall, the stinging pain rushing into the pleasure and confusing his senses until he's finding it hard to breathe. He's close, very close, and he knows he's not going to get away, that no matter how hard he tries to fight, tries to run, it won't matter. Leoben's touch is rough, he's not gentle in the slightest, but it's perfect, just what Sam wants, exactly how he does it himself when he's too angry to sleep and needs some kind of release.
"Gods," Sam moans, leaning his head back, and Leoben kisses him, open-mouthed and hot. He can feel Leoben rubbing rhythmically against him and Sam kisses him back finally. Leoben tastes slick like water and kissing him is not like anything Sam's ever felt before, but it's not bad, not at all. The air is almost lit up with static, the connection electric between them.
"See?" Leoben pants, fingers tightening, hand moving in a way that makes Sam moan and nearly drives him to his knees. "You do burn. So bright I can barely see. Just like Kara." He sounds pleased beneath the breathlessness. Leoben's thumb rubs over the head of his cock--once, twice, three times--and that's it, it's over, Sam presses his face against the wall and shudders as he comes. The tension and the anger are washed away by his orgasm, and when it is over he rests against the wall, shaking slightly from the release.
Leoben is still tight against him when Sam comes back to himself, and he looks over his shoulder; Leoben's dressed in a pair of soaking wet black pants and a belt, barefoot, his hair in disarray. There's something odd about Leoben's eyes. For a brief moment it looks like something red has been trapped in his predatory gaze, escaping as light. Sam blinks and it's gone, and he doesn't think anything else about it. Leoben steps back and lets him move. Sam is still breathing hard, and he rakes a hand through his wet hair and grabs Leoben by the shoulders, turning and shoving him against the wall in exactly the same place where Sam had been before.
Sam touches Leoben, runs his hands over the back of his spine and watches as Leoben shivers in response. They don't speak, because Sam doesn't know what to say. Sam reaches around and presses the heel of his hand to Leoben's erection, rubbing up and down the length of him through Leoben's soaked pants. He leans down, bites Leoben's neck just as Leoben did to him earlier. His gestures are clumsy, not as assured as Leoben's, but his hand applies steady hard pressure and Leoben is panting and shifting beneath him in a way that seems as if Sam's doing all right.
"I don't like this," Sam says, and it's too awkward to try and bite Leoben's neck and keep rubbing his cock, so Sam pulls back and grabs the back of his neck instead. It's not an angry grip, not like before; it's almost like Sam is holding him in place, keeping him still. "I mean, I don't like being a Cylon." Oddly, he's not as angry, though he can still feel the tendrils of his quieted rage licking at him, trying to draw him back in. "I want to be who I was."
"I know," Leoben says, raising his hands and placing his palms on the wall. "But you're something else, now. Embrace it, Sam. Be one of us. It is your destiny."
"Can you just be quiet for two seconds?" Sam asks, almost huffily, and Leoben gives a husky laugh and closes his eyes, nodding slightly. Sam concentrates, moving his palm up and down, pressing hard because that's what he'd like if it were him. There is a sudden red glow from Leoben's back, unexpected, and Sam pauses for a moment in surprise, stilling the motion of his hand as he watches. "What's--"
"Sam," Leoben gasps, clearly meaning don't stop, and Sam rubs his palm against Leoben's cock again, but he moves his hand from around Leoben's neck and mimics the motion of his palm on the small of Leoben's back, right in the center, where the glow is emanating from.
Leoben’s head falls back, and Sam can feel Leoben's cock pulse against his hand as Leoben comes with a sharp breath. His back arches and the muscles in his shoulders and arm tense as he holds himself rigid for a few seconds, relaxing when the glow of his spine finally recedes and disappears altogether. Leoben straightens and turns, leaning back against the shower wall. He looks sated, sleepy, almost like a cat.
Neither of them say anything for a long time. Sam realizes he's naked, and grabs a towel from the rack and wraps it around his waist. Leoben reaches down and picks up his shirt, still dripping wet from his impromptu shower. There is really nothing they need to say to each other, but Sam puts his hand on Leoben's shoulder. He tries to say something, but he doesn't know what that should be. The bond between them is a tangible thing. Sam hates that he can feel the weight of it, but he can, stretched between them like something alive.
Sam drops his hand. He wants to say stay away from me but he doesn't know if he means it. He wants to say stay away from Kara, but he doesn't know if he means that, either.
In the end, he says nothing at all.
Author: Sionnain
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing/character: Sam/Leoben
Rating: Adult
Notes/Warnings: Written for Rounds_Of_kink, with the prompt rough sex/anger and "I should kill you." Thanks very much to meresy and inlovewithnight for the beta! The title and the quote are from the Alanis Morissette song Versions of Violence. Contains spoilers for Season 4 of BSG. Please forgive my glowing spine fetish.
Versions of Violence
These versions of violence, sometimes subtle, sometimes clear.
That first night, some of the crew want to stay on Earth. It might be desolate, destroyed by some unknown war, but it's still Earth. Sam is somewhat surprised when Kara goes back to Galactica, but he's not surprised when Leoben follows her. Sam goes back with them, but he doesn't think his wife is paying him any attention whatsoever. In the hangar, he watches as Kara drags Leoben into a corner, arguing in hushed voices. He can't hear what they're saying. At the end, before Kara storms off (he's gratified to see that's the same with Leoben as it is with everyone else), Leoben says something and touches her cheek. Kara flinches, but she doesn't pull away--in fact, she turns her face slightly towards Leoben's hand, her eyes closing briefly before she pulls away with an angry glare. Sam feels it like a punch to the gut, Kara taking comfort from that--that thing, where she refuses it from him.
You're one of those things, too, his inner voice says tauntingly, but Sam quiets it with effort. He's not a Cylon like Leoben.
Frak. Maybe if I was, she'd want me again.
Sam waits in the shadows, watching as Kara walks right by him without saying a word. She doesn't even see him. Sam is starting to wonder if she ever will again.
Leoben sees him, though. Sam can feel it, a small tickle in the back of his mind, a zing like electricity against his spine. He looks over and the two men stare at each other amidst the commotion and confusion, the disappointment and elation Earth has brought to them all. It's a moment of poignant recognition, but Sam feels the stirrings of anger. He hates Leoben for what the other man did to Kara, sure, but he hates even more that Leoben is so supremely confident in his Cylon-ness, his otherness.
Leoben starts walking towards him, intent, and Sam pauses for a moment before he turns away. There's too much to do to land in the brig, and if Leoben opens his mouth and says anything, that's exactly where Sam is going to end up.
* * *
Sam stands in the shower, thinking about Earth strewn with the charred remains of some by-gone civilization. It reminds him of Kara, his marriage, and the frakking mess his entire life has become. The images are burned in his mind, a testament of failure, and he'd give anything for them just to go away. Despite the desolation of the planet below, people are still celebrating. He can hear them pass by occasionally; a rousing chorus of some military drinking song he wasn't a soldier long enough to learn, cheerful shouts, drunken laughter. He doesn't know where to go. He's not a human, he's not a soldier, he's not welcome anywhere. Even the other Cylons, while they regard him with some kind of odd reverence, don't necessarily want him around. Besides, it's not like Sam's eager to be all buddy-buddy with the architects of the human genocide, now, is he?
So where is he supposed to go, exactly?
The water is hot, almost too hot, but he can barely feel it against his naked back. Sam puts his hands on the tile and closes his eyes, intending to stand a few more minutes beneath the spray before going to bed. He's not tired, but there's very little else that sounds appealing at the moment, and he refuses to go and find Kara. Let her come to him if she wants to.
He knows, of course, that she won't. Wherever she is tonight, whoever she's spending it with, Sam Anders is the last thing on her mind.
His hand reaches for the faucet when he feels it, that same electric rush, and Sam stiffens when he realizes what it means. It's a Cylon, and he doesn't even need to turn around to know which one it is. "What the frak are you doing here?"
"What do you think?" Leoben asks, his voice quiet. When Sam turns his head, he notices Leoben's standing at the entrance to the showers (which are empty, save for Sam--everyone else has somewhere to be, some place they belong), and is still fully dressed.
"You're not here to shower, unless Cylons don't need towels," Sam snaps. "Go away, Leoben. Go find Kara." His mouth twists. "That's who you really want to see, isn't it? What, did you think she was in here? You'd probably have better luck with that than I would." Sam has no idea why he's saying these things, not when the truth of the words hit him like a punch to the gut.
"I doubt that," Leoben mutters, and rakes a hand through his hair. There is flash of irritation on his face, gone in a second, and then he fixes his gaze on Sam. "She's not too pleased with me at the moment. She thinks I lied to her about Earth."
"Wouldn't be the first time you lied to her, would it?" Sam takes a threatening step towards Leoben, not caring that he's naked, not caring that the shower is still running full-steam. "You've lied to her about everything else, haven't you?"
Leoben cocks his head, watching Sam's approach. He doesn't back up. "Of course not. I told her it was her destiny to find Earth. Everything I've ever done was to see that she did what God intended her to do. And she did," he finishes simply, his hands splayed in front of him, looking oddly like a priest giving a benediction.
"Yeah?" Sam feels the anger flare up, as hot as the water still steaming around him. "And New Caprica? What the frak was that about, huh? Finding Earth?" Sam moves before he can think it through, shoving hard against Leoben's chest, pushing the other man backwards. "Or was that to get her to love you," he sneered, all his anger focusing on the man in front of him, the impotent rage simmering beneath the surface finally rising to head. I can take it out on him. Who the frak cares? We don't need him anymore.
Leoben moves fluidly, absorbing the blow, looking as if he doesn't even feel it. "I did that to keep her alive," he says, his voice still very calm. Droplets from the shower are peppering his shirt, and when he rakes his hair back, the blond strands turn dark from the water. "I had to give her something to live for."
"She had me," Sam shouts, his words bouncing off the walls of the shower in an angry echo. "Until you took her away, she had me. A life. Our marriage."
"I really don't think that would have been enough for her, do you?"
Sam makes a choked sound, a wordless exclamation of a rage so thick he can't voice it, and grabs Leoben around the neck. He turns and slams Leoben against the metal wall of the shower. "I don't know," he answers, voice whisper-quiet. "I never got the frakking chance to find out, did I?" Sam crowds against Leoben's back, completely forgetting he's still naked.
"The resistance. You fought, Anders. You think she wouldn't have?" One side of Leoben's face is pressed against the wall, the water soaking through his clothes. "They might have killed her. I couldn't take that chance. The others, they didn't understand about Kara, that without her we were hanging motionless, threads without a pattern, that her death would unravel the tapestry of our destinies--"
Sam reaches out and turns on the water as far to scalding as it will go, feeling the burn and watching with vicious satisfaction as Leoben twists and hisses in reaction. Sam shoves him against the wall harder, growling, "Maybe she would have died. Or maybe we would have kicked your asses off that frakking rock. I won't know, will I, because you took her away when I was sick and left me to die."
Leoben is breathing hard, obviously in pain from the scalding water, but he laughs, looking up at Sam with glittering eyes. "It was only a matter of time, wasn't it? Before you lost her, I mean. Maybe you should be grateful."
Sam's body goes still. "Is that so? Or, you know, maybe I should kill you. For what you did to her. To me." He reaches out again and turns the water to freezing cold. He's so angry, he barely notices the shock of the temperature change.
"You're so alike, you and Kara." Leoben is actually laughing, though his body is shivering from the cold of the suddenly icy water. "All of this has happened before..." Leoben moves before Sam can stop him, in some twisting gesture that puts Sam against the wall where Leoben had been moments before. Leoben is not as tall as Sam, but Sam can't dislodge the other man no matter how hard he tries--and he is most certainly trying, shoving against Leoben's body to no avail. "I did what I had to do. Surely you understand that, don't you? Brother," Leoben murmurs. The way he says the word sounds like a cross between a curse and endearment.
"I'm not your brother," Sam bites out, the water sliding over his skin and raising goosebumps on his body. Leoben is warm against him, his skin warm like a human’s would be warm, nothing cold or mechanical in the slightest. "Don't call me that."
"But you are," Leoben murmurs. "You are my brother. You are Cylon, like me. Aren't you tired of fighting what you are, Anders? You fight against your path as hard as she does. God knows I will need all the patience in the universe to deal with the both of you."
Sam pushes against Leoben's shoulders, fingers tangling in the wet material of Leoben's shirt. "Get off me. I have no path. I have nothing." He blinks, the water from the shower running down his hair and into his face, stinging his eyes. "You don't have to deal with me at all. Me or Kara, for that matter. Leave us both the frak alone."
Leoben reaches out and turns off the shower. "Of course you have a path. God gives us all a destiny, Sam. And you, yours--you are one the final five. Exalted among us." Leoben pulls away, runs his hand down Sam's chest, his other still anchoring Sam to the wall. "We would welcome you with open arms." Leoben leans forward, his mouth a breath away from Sam's skin. "Brother," he says again, and touches his mouth to Sam's neck.
The current that connects them, that strange hum he feels around Leoben, is amplified a thousand times when Leoben's mouth touches against him. Sam gasps, he can't help it. It feels good, Gods, like the first time he scored a goal in Pyramid, the roar of the crowd, being with Kara, flying a Viper for the first time. It's exhilarating and terrifying and his hands are on Leoben's shoulders, but he's not trying to push him away at the moment.
"See? This isn't about Kara, Sam. This is about you. I can help you." Leoben's body is pressed fully to his now, and Sam realizes with some shock that he's hard, that his body is responding in a way he would have never thought possible. "I set Kara on the path of righteousness, to be a beacon in the darkness. I can help you. Let me help you." Leoben's voice is hypnotic, his breath warm against Sam's skin. "You could burn as brightly as she does, if you would just let yourself be who--and what--you are."
"Frak you," Sam mutters, and pushes Leoben again. "Get away from me." There is a hardness pressing against his hip, and when Sam notices it, he grabs Leoben's head by his hair and snarls, "I thought you loved Kara."
"I do," Leoben says, sounding unconcerned, unresisting in Sam's grasp. "As do you. But I keep telling you, this isn't about her. Besides, you cannot contain that which is infinite." Before Sam can react to that, Leoben shifts again and Sam is turned around, finds himself chest-first against the wall, which is uncomfortably hard, water-slicked but still cold. Leoben is pressed up against his back. The water stops, and Leoben holds Sam immobile with one hand in the center of his back. "I watch you, Sam, do you know that? I saw the way you looked at Kara today, the way you were on the Demetrius when we were together in her cabin. You are not jealous of any affection she has for me--"
"Yeah, because there isn't any," Sam snaps, looking over his shoulder. Leoben is stripping off his sodden shirt, tossing it to the floor of the shower in a wet heap.
"--You are jealous because you have no place to belong," Leoben finishes, as if Sam hasn't spoken, pushing up against him again. His chest is warm against Sam's back. Sam takes a deep breath, feeling Leoben's cock hard against his ass. "You seek acceptance, a place in the continuity of things which are greater than yourself. And you can have that." Leoben leans forward, mouth against Sam's neck again. "Eventually." Leoben sinks his teeth in lightly, biting at Sam's neck, and his hand goes around between Sam and the wall, fingers resting light on Sam's stomach. "There is anger in you. Rage, because you are not what you think you should be. You cannot see the light of truth when you are shrouded in such darkness and doubt. Fight it. Fight me. Go on. Through this will come the clarity you seek." Leoben bites his neck again, harder this time. "Go on, Sam. I can take it."
Sam fights because he doesn't know what else to do, because there's nothing else to do; Leoben has him pinned and there's no escape. He is twisting, angry, saying things that don't make sense--cursing Kara, Leoben, the Cylon race, the Gods, this stupid frakking war, Earth for being nothing but a barren wasteland, everything he can think of. Leoben's hand goes between them and wraps around his cock, and the hum between them sounds like music, like the music he can still sometimes hear when he closes his eyes and tries to sleep. Sam realizes he's moving his hips, thrusting into Leoben's fingers wrapped tight around his cock. Leoben's fingers are calloused and the friction is perfect, but Sam is still fighting, smacking his palms against the wall, the stinging pain rushing into the pleasure and confusing his senses until he's finding it hard to breathe. He's close, very close, and he knows he's not going to get away, that no matter how hard he tries to fight, tries to run, it won't matter. Leoben's touch is rough, he's not gentle in the slightest, but it's perfect, just what Sam wants, exactly how he does it himself when he's too angry to sleep and needs some kind of release.
"Gods," Sam moans, leaning his head back, and Leoben kisses him, open-mouthed and hot. He can feel Leoben rubbing rhythmically against him and Sam kisses him back finally. Leoben tastes slick like water and kissing him is not like anything Sam's ever felt before, but it's not bad, not at all. The air is almost lit up with static, the connection electric between them.
"See?" Leoben pants, fingers tightening, hand moving in a way that makes Sam moan and nearly drives him to his knees. "You do burn. So bright I can barely see. Just like Kara." He sounds pleased beneath the breathlessness. Leoben's thumb rubs over the head of his cock--once, twice, three times--and that's it, it's over, Sam presses his face against the wall and shudders as he comes. The tension and the anger are washed away by his orgasm, and when it is over he rests against the wall, shaking slightly from the release.
Leoben is still tight against him when Sam comes back to himself, and he looks over his shoulder; Leoben's dressed in a pair of soaking wet black pants and a belt, barefoot, his hair in disarray. There's something odd about Leoben's eyes. For a brief moment it looks like something red has been trapped in his predatory gaze, escaping as light. Sam blinks and it's gone, and he doesn't think anything else about it. Leoben steps back and lets him move. Sam is still breathing hard, and he rakes a hand through his wet hair and grabs Leoben by the shoulders, turning and shoving him against the wall in exactly the same place where Sam had been before.
Sam touches Leoben, runs his hands over the back of his spine and watches as Leoben shivers in response. They don't speak, because Sam doesn't know what to say. Sam reaches around and presses the heel of his hand to Leoben's erection, rubbing up and down the length of him through Leoben's soaked pants. He leans down, bites Leoben's neck just as Leoben did to him earlier. His gestures are clumsy, not as assured as Leoben's, but his hand applies steady hard pressure and Leoben is panting and shifting beneath him in a way that seems as if Sam's doing all right.
"I don't like this," Sam says, and it's too awkward to try and bite Leoben's neck and keep rubbing his cock, so Sam pulls back and grabs the back of his neck instead. It's not an angry grip, not like before; it's almost like Sam is holding him in place, keeping him still. "I mean, I don't like being a Cylon." Oddly, he's not as angry, though he can still feel the tendrils of his quieted rage licking at him, trying to draw him back in. "I want to be who I was."
"I know," Leoben says, raising his hands and placing his palms on the wall. "But you're something else, now. Embrace it, Sam. Be one of us. It is your destiny."
"Can you just be quiet for two seconds?" Sam asks, almost huffily, and Leoben gives a husky laugh and closes his eyes, nodding slightly. Sam concentrates, moving his palm up and down, pressing hard because that's what he'd like if it were him. There is a sudden red glow from Leoben's back, unexpected, and Sam pauses for a moment in surprise, stilling the motion of his hand as he watches. "What's--"
"Sam," Leoben gasps, clearly meaning don't stop, and Sam rubs his palm against Leoben's cock again, but he moves his hand from around Leoben's neck and mimics the motion of his palm on the small of Leoben's back, right in the center, where the glow is emanating from.
Leoben’s head falls back, and Sam can feel Leoben's cock pulse against his hand as Leoben comes with a sharp breath. His back arches and the muscles in his shoulders and arm tense as he holds himself rigid for a few seconds, relaxing when the glow of his spine finally recedes and disappears altogether. Leoben straightens and turns, leaning back against the shower wall. He looks sated, sleepy, almost like a cat.
Neither of them say anything for a long time. Sam realizes he's naked, and grabs a towel from the rack and wraps it around his waist. Leoben reaches down and picks up his shirt, still dripping wet from his impromptu shower. There is really nothing they need to say to each other, but Sam puts his hand on Leoben's shoulder. He tries to say something, but he doesn't know what that should be. The bond between them is a tangible thing. Sam hates that he can feel the weight of it, but he can, stretched between them like something alive.
Sam drops his hand. He wants to say stay away from me but he doesn't know if he means it. He wants to say stay away from Kara, but he doesn't know if he means that, either.
In the end, he says nothing at all.