marionetka

[sionek]

marionetka -
po pierwszym kroku
znikają sznurki

* * *
марионетка -
после первого шага
исчезают нитки

Comments

[shiro_ki]

да, да!

японский кукольный театр бунраку - там даже и водители кукол, люди в чёрном, исчезают!

http://www.asianinterstage.com/

[sionek]

Thanks for link. Looking for inspiration to write haiku about different kinds of shade and shadows, I completely forgot about bunraku theater:

bunraku drama -
a samurai falls down
with his shadows

[origa]

Beautiful senryu, Sionek! It has to be a very skilful and talented artist to make you forget that they are just puppets! :-) Nice.

[sionek]

I am glad you like it.
I think modern haiku being rather senryu than haiku is a good way to learn haiku. Writing good senryu one may learn how to use kigo and obtain something really deep.
Regarding talented artists - music without a good listener is only a set of sounds. The same with all kinds of art.

[felix_tammi]

Да!

(М.б, "исчезли"?)

[sionek]

I prefer "simple present" in haiku. IMHO in this case it is better than "simple past" - it means not only (1) NOW, but this may be also (2)repetition, and finally (3) it can characterise puppets at all.