Dead Ram.
None of the doors in this house close properly, now that the front door got its jamn popped, after the bellends in the front room snapped their key off in the lock. My bedroom door never closes properly anyways, not without a hard shoulder ram, but due to the good weather, it has expanded beyond all but the hardest full body jarring; the bathroom door only stays closed with its locking latch and even then, only just, same scenario with the toilet door. The back door out of the house only closes when locked shut with a key. At least they all open fairly easily. The door from my bedroom, out into the back yard however, seems to have been Liquid Nailed shut.
I think its cos i live in a block-long row of semi-detached houses, that my phone gets little to no reception inside. This has seen me sitting outside on the front wall, in my underwear taking phone calls at odd hours from overseas. The area to the north-east of the house is encircled by a large park. Its proximity means that the streets around here are a playground for scavenging foxes at night. You see whole packs of them, roaming the streets, (smoking cheap fags n drinking White Ace Cider), where they fight and bicker and pee on lampposts. The screaming sounds they make when sad or fighting though... well, imagine a woman getting beaten and raped while chain smoking cigarettes and bouncing on a trampoline. The sounds they make are utterly blood curdling to be honest, proper horrorshow. They make all the 'dumped baby in the backyard' noises that cats make sound positively life affirming.
When using public toilets, i always silently sneer at men who insist on using the cubicle to pee. Three reasons, one, they invariable piss all over the seat as they are too lazy or grossed out (from previous offenders) to lift it; two, in a public toilet setting, URINALS are for pissing, TOILETS for shitting, full stop. This is why urinals were invented; three, they shouldnt be such pansy arses about whipping it out in public at the urinal. 99% of dudes just stare at their own or at the wall.
Saying that tho... i was taking a leak at the tube station toilets a few days back and in my peripheral vision, i realised that the 5'6 African dude next to me was sporting a wanger so big he was having a hard time not bottoming out on the gutter drain inside the urinal. He coulda turkey slapped the urinal cake to crumbled chunks with this monster. I took a quick conformational glance and coulda turned seconds-long-gay at the sight of this 'Monsters of Cock' appendage. As i left, i had to seriously resist patting him on the shoulder n saying 'Dude, you should be in PORN!!'.
I got my licence amended so that i can provisionally learn to drive buses. If all goes to plan, i will be gainfully employed by next Monday.
This dead Ram, so nicely illuminated by Snappel, died after, i would imagine, limping up a side tunnel...
...having fallen down this waterfall into the main drain inlet. Gotsa be more careful!
I wish VAC would hurry up n release their new album. Im getting withdrawal.
I think its cos i live in a block-long row of semi-detached houses, that my phone gets little to no reception inside. This has seen me sitting outside on the front wall, in my underwear taking phone calls at odd hours from overseas. The area to the north-east of the house is encircled by a large park. Its proximity means that the streets around here are a playground for scavenging foxes at night. You see whole packs of them, roaming the streets, (smoking cheap fags n drinking White Ace Cider), where they fight and bicker and pee on lampposts. The screaming sounds they make when sad or fighting though... well, imagine a woman getting beaten and raped while chain smoking cigarettes and bouncing on a trampoline. The sounds they make are utterly blood curdling to be honest, proper horrorshow. They make all the 'dumped baby in the backyard' noises that cats make sound positively life affirming.
When using public toilets, i always silently sneer at men who insist on using the cubicle to pee. Three reasons, one, they invariable piss all over the seat as they are too lazy or grossed out (from previous offenders) to lift it; two, in a public toilet setting, URINALS are for pissing, TOILETS for shitting, full stop. This is why urinals were invented; three, they shouldnt be such pansy arses about whipping it out in public at the urinal. 99% of dudes just stare at their own or at the wall.
Saying that tho... i was taking a leak at the tube station toilets a few days back and in my peripheral vision, i realised that the 5'6 African dude next to me was sporting a wanger so big he was having a hard time not bottoming out on the gutter drain inside the urinal. He coulda turkey slapped the urinal cake to crumbled chunks with this monster. I took a quick conformational glance and coulda turned seconds-long-gay at the sight of this 'Monsters of Cock' appendage. As i left, i had to seriously resist patting him on the shoulder n saying 'Dude, you should be in PORN!!'.
I got my licence amended so that i can provisionally learn to drive buses. If all goes to plan, i will be gainfully employed by next Monday.
This dead Ram, so nicely illuminated by Snappel, died after, i would imagine, limping up a side tunnel...
...having fallen down this waterfall into the main drain inlet. Gotsa be more careful!
I wish VAC would hurry up n release their new album. Im getting withdrawal.