The heat must be frying my brain, the (semi-random) personal thoughts are being said
I am glad that he who is being discussed here has said on many occasions that he will not go to lj ever again.
Almost 11 years ago I met a guy that I actually thought was cute, this would not be a surprise if I were a normal female, which, as we all know, I am not. For the most part I find males to be very unattractive (I like girls, and I like them to have a nice rack), in fact prior to him I had never actually found males physically attractive, just found their natures fun. If not for this one man, I would most likely have become a lesbian (which might actually be easier, as my mom beleives homosexual and heterosexual are both natural, but bi or pan is not, which is why I am not all the way out yet).
This guy was not, and is not, what most females would be describing when they try to define the perfect guy, at least not physically (or at least not what I am told the average girl wants). What I find attractive in males are very much based on what he looks like, except height, (mostly because I prefer them tall, but that is in no way a requirement for me finding them cute).
He is, however, exactly what every girl wants when it comes to being a gentle man. At the time I was all about destroying the good in males, I think it had to do with the lack of good in me, and I blamed males for that. I did what I could to destroy the good in every male, except for him.
Every guy I have dated since gets compared to him, they all fall short, but I had this voice in the back of my head telling me I did not deserve to date someone that good. Thanks to this at this point I am not allowed to decide who I date. I am still not sure who has to ok the guy (or girl, but the female for completely different reasons), but I know that I am not allowed to decide myself.
And now back to your regularly sched of no talki from me.