(no subject)
ps I'm kind of jealous that this girl (unternull) I used to talk to online has a west coast tour going on, opening up for front 242 on some dates. Yeah, I could have maybe done that, if I didn't get distracted by some fucking fag rock band (self proclaimed at that). I mean with the music I make, at one time or another I cared about people actually seeing me perform it... now not so much. Its all about the firefighter gig and having a real live job and a career that means that I won't be sucking dick for coke and moving to LA to do it.
I know what my attitude means, I know the impression that people get from me. Fuck that. I would rather spend the rest of my life helping people than spending that same time trying to live up to some jerk off fantasy I had as a kid. I'm capable of making music, fucking good music at that, without needed someone to acknowledge it's relevance. While I'm able to admit that yes, I enjoy creating music, at the same time I don't see that as a way for me to make a living. With the whole firefighting thing, yeah, I can see myself doing that, and getting something besides some self indulgent bullshit out of it. And that... that's really what I want out of my life.
that's not to say I'm not a little jealous of a talented girl who made good.
I know what my attitude means, I know the impression that people get from me. Fuck that. I would rather spend the rest of my life helping people than spending that same time trying to live up to some jerk off fantasy I had as a kid. I'm capable of making music, fucking good music at that, without needed someone to acknowledge it's relevance. While I'm able to admit that yes, I enjoy creating music, at the same time I don't see that as a way for me to make a living. With the whole firefighting thing, yeah, I can see myself doing that, and getting something besides some self indulgent bullshit out of it. And that... that's really what I want out of my life.
that's not to say I'm not a little jealous of a talented girl who made good.