closures and openings... (thats not what i meant...sigh...) ;)
ok, so life is really incredibly amazing these days. part of that, i'm sure is due to my perspective on it and part of it is just that i'm lucky enough to lead a fabulously charmed life, for which i am extremely grateful all the time.
had a great dinner and conversation and stuff last night. managed to sort of "clear the air" as it were with one person with whom i'm very close. we had a great open conversation about where our respective heads and hearts are at, and though not overly verbose, was precisely as deep and satisfying as it ought to have been. i feel like we often see alot of life from very similar perspectives and points of view and seem to be on the same page about where things are at between us, which is really nice to know. having gotten to that point, made the rest of the night all that more meaningful and exceptional. i think i am in an utter state of bliss currently, though not overly so. i feel like i am exactly as emotionally involved as i can possibly be, without being overly thoughtful about it. As my roommate recently remarked in a conversation we were having about love, i am feeling the ability to "love with abandon, like so many heartfelt love songs talk about; loving like there is nothing else in the world or in my heart but the feeling of being with that special person...", but at the same time, i am managing to temper that outpouring of incredible emotion with not getting wrapped up in it. i enjoy the moments when they're current and manage to not dwell on the emotions when they are not present.
so, not only am i feeling incredibly balanced with my emotions in that relationship, but i'm feeling extremely balanced in relationships in general, being currently involved in two; one with a man and one with a woman, which, i think for my life right now is the ultimate way to balance my romantic emotional state. from her i get the outpouring of love and attention and verbosity that is really great to receive from one whom you love, as well as the calm, sort of relaxed, comfortable kind of love that generally happens when i'm in a relationship with a woman. and from him i get incredibly intense, unspoken passion that stems from a deep energetic connection, as well as a sort of casual attitude about it that ensures my not getting caught up in my emotions and letting them run my life. not to mention, i'm having (with both of them) the best sex of my life! (sorry to share that much, but it had to be said =])
as for the rest of life, i am leaving on monday to go to seoul, south korea for two weeks, for work. but i think the job will be fairly easy and the pay is good, plus i just got an unexpected paycheck today, so i'm not really worrying about money, like i am wont to do fairly often. and i treated myself to a fantastic sushi dinner by myself tonight at my favorite sushi restaurant and sat and wrote in my personal journal, recording recent discoveries and thoughts and generally clearing my brain. plus, i finally have a bedroom in my house again. my own personal space, and its clean! so, i'm actually enjoying being home these days, which is a nice change of pace. plus, my roommate and i got to a point in our friendship recently where we can actually have intimate discussion about our personal lives without it feeling awkward or my worrying about hurting his feelings and such. thats really great. plus, in general, i have the absolute best people in the entire world as my group of friends. i am truly lucky. and with that, i shall retire this entry and myself, dreaming of a beautiful boy and a gorgeous girl and how much i treasure having them both in my life....off to seoul...
had a great dinner and conversation and stuff last night. managed to sort of "clear the air" as it were with one person with whom i'm very close. we had a great open conversation about where our respective heads and hearts are at, and though not overly verbose, was precisely as deep and satisfying as it ought to have been. i feel like we often see alot of life from very similar perspectives and points of view and seem to be on the same page about where things are at between us, which is really nice to know. having gotten to that point, made the rest of the night all that more meaningful and exceptional. i think i am in an utter state of bliss currently, though not overly so. i feel like i am exactly as emotionally involved as i can possibly be, without being overly thoughtful about it. As my roommate recently remarked in a conversation we were having about love, i am feeling the ability to "love with abandon, like so many heartfelt love songs talk about; loving like there is nothing else in the world or in my heart but the feeling of being with that special person...", but at the same time, i am managing to temper that outpouring of incredible emotion with not getting wrapped up in it. i enjoy the moments when they're current and manage to not dwell on the emotions when they are not present.
so, not only am i feeling incredibly balanced with my emotions in that relationship, but i'm feeling extremely balanced in relationships in general, being currently involved in two; one with a man and one with a woman, which, i think for my life right now is the ultimate way to balance my romantic emotional state. from her i get the outpouring of love and attention and verbosity that is really great to receive from one whom you love, as well as the calm, sort of relaxed, comfortable kind of love that generally happens when i'm in a relationship with a woman. and from him i get incredibly intense, unspoken passion that stems from a deep energetic connection, as well as a sort of casual attitude about it that ensures my not getting caught up in my emotions and letting them run my life. not to mention, i'm having (with both of them) the best sex of my life! (sorry to share that much, but it had to be said =])
as for the rest of life, i am leaving on monday to go to seoul, south korea for two weeks, for work. but i think the job will be fairly easy and the pay is good, plus i just got an unexpected paycheck today, so i'm not really worrying about money, like i am wont to do fairly often. and i treated myself to a fantastic sushi dinner by myself tonight at my favorite sushi restaurant and sat and wrote in my personal journal, recording recent discoveries and thoughts and generally clearing my brain. plus, i finally have a bedroom in my house again. my own personal space, and its clean! so, i'm actually enjoying being home these days, which is a nice change of pace. plus, my roommate and i got to a point in our friendship recently where we can actually have intimate discussion about our personal lives without it feeling awkward or my worrying about hurting his feelings and such. thats really great. plus, in general, i have the absolute best people in the entire world as my group of friends. i am truly lucky. and with that, i shall retire this entry and myself, dreaming of a beautiful boy and a gorgeous girl and how much i treasure having them both in my life....off to seoul...