(no subject)
This is ridiculous!! (it is ridiculous, isn't it?)
Every time I turn around, I see something that reminds me of him. (I suppose it doesn't help that his pictures are scattered around my room) Every other word makes me think of him, and every other second I long for his arms around me, his sweet kisses, that loving gaze.
I've had to stop myself from buying over a dozen little things for him that I think he'd like - a CD, a toy, a nice set of lingerie. Hell, I'm still searching for the perfect schoolgirl uniform to wear when he gets back, and already have plans for a way that we can make love in public without me feeling insecure.
But why?!? How do I even know that he still thinks about me, let alone wants to be with me? Why do I assume that he's going to come home and run to my loving arms?
I can't even flirt with anyone else. No matter who I think about kissing or sleeping with, or anything.....they just don't compare. I don't WANT anyone else. Physically, emotionally, no one could give me as much as he has given me.
We're supposed to be on a break! I'm supposed to be mad at him! I'm supposed to be questioning our relationship, what I want from life.....but nothing has changed. I'm still completely in love with him. I would still do anything for him. I want to stare into his eyes, hold him, run my fingers through his non-existant hair. I want to wrap him in blankets and kiss him gently as he sleeps next to me. I want to make him breakfast in the morning, serve him Irish Coffee with dinner, and make love to him all through the night. I want to fulfill his every desire - sexually and otherwise. I want to help him grow, stand by him through the years as he discovers his career.
And yet...here I am, completely alone.
Every time I turn around, I see something that reminds me of him. (I suppose it doesn't help that his pictures are scattered around my room) Every other word makes me think of him, and every other second I long for his arms around me, his sweet kisses, that loving gaze.
I've had to stop myself from buying over a dozen little things for him that I think he'd like - a CD, a toy, a nice set of lingerie. Hell, I'm still searching for the perfect schoolgirl uniform to wear when he gets back, and already have plans for a way that we can make love in public without me feeling insecure.
But why?!? How do I even know that he still thinks about me, let alone wants to be with me? Why do I assume that he's going to come home and run to my loving arms?
I can't even flirt with anyone else. No matter who I think about kissing or sleeping with, or anything.....they just don't compare. I don't WANT anyone else. Physically, emotionally, no one could give me as much as he has given me.
We're supposed to be on a break! I'm supposed to be mad at him! I'm supposed to be questioning our relationship, what I want from life.....but nothing has changed. I'm still completely in love with him. I would still do anything for him. I want to stare into his eyes, hold him, run my fingers through his non-existant hair. I want to wrap him in blankets and kiss him gently as he sleeps next to me. I want to make him breakfast in the morning, serve him Irish Coffee with dinner, and make love to him all through the night. I want to fulfill his every desire - sexually and otherwise. I want to help him grow, stand by him through the years as he discovers his career.
And yet...here I am, completely alone.