Day 20 → A hobby of yours
Been thinking about this one all day... I even looked up "hobby" on dictionary.com to see if anything that I do fits. I bite my nails. I drink wine. I think way too much. I have lost my passion for almost everything.
I used to do crosswords. I used to cross-stitch. I used to study astrology. I was passionate about making organic everything - foods, cleaning products, beauty supplies. When I was really young, I used to write stories, and I drew pictures - still-lifes, portraits, mixed-media. I used to make CDs for my friends.
I suppose online networking crap has taken over in some ways. Maybe I'm just beat down and it's easier to pick virtual crops than to think about planting some real ones.
What I do now, is take care of my daughter when she is with me. Try to take care of myself. I'm so grateful for my friends, but I have been neglecting them lately. Truth be told, I've been neglecting myself too. I exercise to keep me sane, not to lose weight so much anymore. It's a healthy release. One of the only ones I have. I go to work every day. It doesn't bring me any joy. I used to like my job. Now I'm just glad I have it because it keeps the wolves from the door. They're circling.
If this sounds like a downer, it is what it is. I'm someone who has almost always looked at the glass half full with my rose-colored glasses shining on it. I'm not depressed... not really. I've been there before. This is different. It's like I'm wiping the slate clean. I've got one foot out the door, and the other one still planted over here, but nothing seems stable so I'm not sure which step to take. I can't see past the cracks on the floor under my feet.
But my never-ending love of being alive and being human and having another experience on Earth; the most beautiful, messed up, perfect place in the Universe... keeps me going. It keeps me grounded even when I want to float away.
What I REALLY WANT, is to float away right here on this earth... and something tells me if I hold on just a little bit longer, my best wishes will all come true.
I used to do crosswords. I used to cross-stitch. I used to study astrology. I was passionate about making organic everything - foods, cleaning products, beauty supplies. When I was really young, I used to write stories, and I drew pictures - still-lifes, portraits, mixed-media. I used to make CDs for my friends.
I suppose online networking crap has taken over in some ways. Maybe I'm just beat down and it's easier to pick virtual crops than to think about planting some real ones.
What I do now, is take care of my daughter when she is with me. Try to take care of myself. I'm so grateful for my friends, but I have been neglecting them lately. Truth be told, I've been neglecting myself too. I exercise to keep me sane, not to lose weight so much anymore. It's a healthy release. One of the only ones I have. I go to work every day. It doesn't bring me any joy. I used to like my job. Now I'm just glad I have it because it keeps the wolves from the door. They're circling.
If this sounds like a downer, it is what it is. I'm someone who has almost always looked at the glass half full with my rose-colored glasses shining on it. I'm not depressed... not really. I've been there before. This is different. It's like I'm wiping the slate clean. I've got one foot out the door, and the other one still planted over here, but nothing seems stable so I'm not sure which step to take. I can't see past the cracks on the floor under my feet.
But my never-ending love of being alive and being human and having another experience on Earth; the most beautiful, messed up, perfect place in the Universe... keeps me going. It keeps me grounded even when I want to float away.
What I REALLY WANT, is to float away right here on this earth... and something tells me if I hold on just a little bit longer, my best wishes will all come true.