Xmas Giftfics 2012 Part 4
This is probably it for Xmas giftfic fills, guys! There are just plain way too many for me to fill (especially since I struggle to keep them actually-drabble-length) and I would rather focus my attention elsewhere now. I at least cleared nearly half? Plus it’s like… June. I’m sorry if I didn’t get to yours. :( I’m especially sorry to the handful of you who requested Prince of Tennis, since I made a special effort at those, but ShinTenipuri kind of stomped all over my muses for it and I just couldn't find the voices for any of those characters anymore.
For Aelathehuntress
A. Portal 2
B. Wheatly
C. being himself ^_~
AN: Did Poker Night 2, since I could not honestly think of anything that Wheatley hadn’t already said in the reams and reams of dialogue from Portal 2. I thought I’d try doing this in a different dialogue-only style, given the format. I am afraid that I am no Stephen Merchant, however.
“What do you have there? Oh wow, check out that hand. Lots of twos, and a three, and my, look at all those different numbers…”
*Player folds*
“You’re folding! Folding? Why on earth would you do that? What possible reason could you have for throwing away such a marvellous hand?”
“Yes! The pot is mine!” *Ash collects the pot*
“Hey Wheatley, where’s GlaDOS gone to anyway?”
“You know her?”
“I wish. She can electrify my circuits any day, if you know what I mean.”
*Player requests a deal*
“Thank you, I didn’t need to hear any more of that.”
*Player Bets*
“Oh my, look at that. You’re definitely not going to want to fold with that hand.”
*Player folds*
“Again?!”
“Hey, Wheatley, my bro, you know we can all hear you, right?”
“Shut up, you idiot, you wanna make this harder?”
“It’s all good until he starts talking about your cards.”
For Aori_tsuki
A: Persona?!
B: maybe something with Akihiko/Minato? They always been my soft spot in this persona fandom. Annnnd if that's not good for you, maybe uh. Teddie meeting Ryoji or something.
C: P1 Grandpix!!! Unless that's two words oops.
AN: Not really slashy, but hopefully your goggles can take care of that?!
Akihiko can’t quite contain the chuckle rippling up his throat. It tastes as dark and bitter as cold coffee on his tongue.
“This can’t be real.”
Minato stands across from him, the faintest of smiles on his lips. As neutral and so damn cool as always.
“I really have to fight you next? This place is messed up.” There’s a strangled note to his voice, and he’s grateful none of the others are there to hear it. To hear his heart stumble. “Seems like all this place wants to do is open old wounds.”
Minato just sticks his hands in his pockets. He looks almost ethereal. Frighteningly pale. Like a corpse.
Akihiko can’t stop staring, drinking in the sight like an alcoholic tasting his first beer in months. None of them had any pictures, nothing so much as a memento of him. It never mattered, until it was already too late.
Minato looks smaller than he remembered. More fragile. Delicate. Akihiko had forgotten the exact shade of his eyes, how they sloped almost sleepily despite being bright and alert. Tiny details, lost to the passage of time.
It’s not even been three years yet. How had he lost so much already?
“It was over too fast. There was so much I wanted to say to you, and I never got the chance.”
Minato just stares. As quiet and unjudging as ever.
Akihiko shakes his head ruefully. He’s let himself get sentimental. Forgotten why he’s even here in his shock.
“It’s not you. It can’t be you. This is Labrys, isn’t it? Playing tricks on my eyes and ears again. Trying to throw me off my game.”
He takes a deep breath and throws back his cape. Clenches his fists, shifting into stance. His face splits into a fierce grin.
“But I’ll enjoy this chance anyway. To test my strength against you.”
To get closure. Any kind of closure. Even if it’s just an illusion.
For Caterfree10
A. FFVII (TFA-verse might be easiest for the prompt, but if you can work it in canon timeline instead, have fun with it, either way is fine :B)
B. Cloud and Sephiroth
C. Bodyswap - need I say more?
AN: I chose canon-verse since that was more interesting from a body-swap perspective. Also this is way too long, I have once again failed to keep a giftfic fill short. That said, it probably needed to be longer yet to do it properly, but I hope you enjoy this regardless.
This was a disaster. This was a catastrophe.
This was… a dream come true.
Cloud stared dumbly at the mirror in front of him.
Sephiroth stared back.
There were protocols for this. Well, not specifically ‘in the event you’ve exchanged bodies with ShinRa’s most famous First Class SOLDIER’, but procedures for dealing with materia mishaps. Transform materia accidents were surprisingly common, after all, as were issues with Exit or Command materia. Procedure dictated that he inform his commanding officer immediately.
However even as he turned to leave the apartment - and what a luxurious apartment it was, the private ensuite was bigger than his entire room - he couldn’t help but be captivated by the innate grace of his movement. Masamune, a sword he would struggle to lift in his own body felt as light as a fencing foil. Incredible strength lay coiled in his every muscle, his eyesight and hearing sharper than he’d ever imagined possible.
It wouldn’t hurt, would it? If he just put off procedure for a couple of hours. Long enough for a session in the training room, just to experience it…
After all, it wasn’t as though he would be missing anything important, only the standard morning PT and guard duty, both of which he could afford to skip if he just called in sick…
Wait.
If he was here… then Sephiroth would, logically, be in his body.
In his dorm.
With free access to his personal effects. Like his PHS. And his scrapbook.
Change of plan. He needed to report this immediately.
…………
The instant Sephiroth opened his eyes, he knew something was extremely wrong.
His vision was blurred, his hearing dull and muted. His body felt inexplicably heavy, as though in the grips of a Graviga, and his muscles ached faintly as though bruised, but moments passed and the ache failed to fade.
Some distant, strangely sluggish part of him catalogued the sensation and could compare it only to one of the tests Hojo had once performed to discover the limits of his endurance - a fortnight of constant physical activity without rest or sustenance.
Tiredness.
How infuriating. Especially as he could not recall what he might have done to induce such a state.
Despite this, he was more than awake enough to register that this was not his apartment. The lodgings were, at least, immediately identifiable as ShinRa - there was a trooper’s helmet on the wardrobe, and the bedding was unmistakeably ShinRa-issue as well. Company quarters. Security Division, if the pieces of uniform scattered across the room were any indication.
He pushed himself up, and the sense of wrongness only sharpened. It wasn’t until he left the bed and stood up that he realised the problem.
He was far too short.
This wasn’t his body.
…Which explained a great deal. Materia mishap, almost certainly. It had never happened to Sephiroth personally, but he’d dealt with more than enough cases within the ranks of SOLDIER.
The first order of business was to inform someone, preferably someone of rank who would be able to escalate the issue in order to requisition the resources necessary to fix the problem and cover his duties until it was resolved. To this end, Sephiroth proceeded to get dressed with the available clothing. His hands were astonishingly small and delicate, and he lost several minutes readjusting his perceptions, unused to the amount of force needed for simple tasks, and lacking the dexterity and response he was accustomed to. This body was clearly young, most likely a freshly-recruited trooper barely out of training.
Once properly attired, a surface inspection of the bedside table yielded an ID card - Cloud Strife. His clearance was depressingly low - this card wouldn’t take him to the SOLDIER or Executive Floors. He would need to enlist the aid of one of the officers in the Security Division, then.
He stepped into the hall into a stampede of troopers.
“Cloud!” One of the crowd grabbed him by the arm, hauling him along. “What the hell are you doing just standing there? Hurry up, or they’ll make us all do extra laps.”
Sephiroth tried to pull his arm free, and to his consternation, only succeeded in getting jostled and elbowed by the other troopers swarming around them. “Trooper, I need to go report to the-”
His protests were drowned out in the surrounding chatter, and like a leaf on a river, Sephiroth found himself carried along into of the training gyms. His irritation sharpened, but was quickly soothed as they entered the cavernous space and caught sight of the red-scarfed officer barking out orders to the rest of the crowd. Finally.
Sephiroth broke through the ranks, approaching the apparently senior officer. A Security Division Commander, by the looks of it. Capable enough of dealing with the issue. “I have a report to make.”
He glanced over. “Strife? What the hell are you doing? Get back in line.”
Annoyance surged again, but Sephiroth reined the response in - after all, he wasn’t wearing his normal visage, the mistake was excusable. “I am not actually Cloud Strife. I-”
“Very funny, Strife,” the Commander cut him off. “I don’t have time for pranks today.”
“If you will allow me to finish-”
“You giving me attitude now, Strife? Didn’t think you had it in you!” The Commander loomed over him, and Sephiroth was acutely reminded of precisely how small and… ineffectual his current form was.
Was this what it felt like to be normal?
It was a thought experiment he’d entertained often, not quite a fantasy so much as curiosity. His imagination, apparently, was left wanting. While his anonymity and lack of physical prowess was… novel… it was not, he was swiftly discovering, comparatively pleasant.
“I am attempting to follow procedure,” he retorted shortly.
“The only damn procedure you need to be following here is to get out of my face and get back into formation!” the Commander thundered.
This was ridiculous. He wasn’t even given leave to speak. Ludicrous. What if this were a true emergency? “I will have you demoted, Commander,” Sephiroth declared icily.
“And if you don’t shut up and follow orders, I’ll have you written up and kicked out! Now for the last time, get back in line, and you can do an extra ten laps for goofing around!”
In this body, he did not possess the means, nor apparently the authority, to put his inferior in his place.
Sephiroth was left with no choice but to follow along for the moment. To shuffle back into formation, and perform morning physical training in this puny, ineffectual, weak body.
This was a nightmare.
……..
It was really, really weird the way people just… parted for him. And how short everyone was. They all seemed so… fragile.
It was kind of freaking Cloud out.
Not that it wasn’t sort of cool… to begin with. But he was trying to find someone he could actually make a report to and it hadn’t exactly gone well. Most of the people he’d approached for directions had been so flustered he found himself backing off again almost immediately.
Which left him in a bit of a quandary. He needed to find a superior to report this to, but he didn’t know where the Director of SOLDIER’s office was - had never actually been on the SOLDIER floor before, for that matter. He’d simply resorted to systematically walking through the building looking for a likely door to walk through. If SOLDIER were anything like the Security Division, there would be names and titles on offices.
Luckily, he didn’t have to go that far, because that was when he saw a familiar head of spiky black hair.
“Zack!” Cloud blurted.
Zack pulled to a stop, a puzzle expression on his face. “Um, everything okay there sir? Not that I’m glad, but I don’t think you’ve ever been that happy to see me.”
“It’s me. Cloud!”
Zack stared at him for what felt like several eternities. “…Um, what?”
“Cloud! I woke up like this! I’m not actually Sephiroth!”
“Are you alright, sir? I didn’t even think you knew Cloud.”
“Zack! Listen to me carefully. I am Cloud Strife, and I am stuck inside Sephiroth’s body.”
“You’re… oh! Oh! A materia mishap?”
Cloud’s shoulders slumped with relief as he nodded.
Zack burst into laughter. “Seriously? Oh, this is too good. How did it even happen?”
“I have no idea. I’ve been trying to find someone to report it to, but…” He spread his hands helplessly.
“Right, right. Although… wait, Cloud, you guys weren’t, um, you know…”
“Weren’t what?” Cloud asked, puzzled.
Zack coughed, pointedly. “You know. Um, together?”
Bewildered, Cloud explained, “I’ve never actually met Sephiroth in person, Zack. I’m just a trooper.”
Zack shook his head with a grin. “I guess I should be relieved you don’t get it.” He rubbed his hands together. “Okay then! First things first, we gotta go find Sephiroth! He’s probably in your body, right? Heck, even if he isn’t we’d better check that your body is okay.” Without waiting for a reply, Zack was hoofing it towards the elevators, leaving Cloud no choice but to follow or be left behind.
A quick check of his room showed it was both empty and his ID card had gone missing. To Cloud’s great relief, that seemed to be all that had changed - his drawers were untouched, and the box under the bed unmoved. “Where do you think he went?” Zack mused. “Nobody has come looking for you yet, after all. I mean, looking for Sephiroth… you know what I mean.”
“Maybe he’s at PT?” Cloud ventured. “I have it at this time every morning, usually.” Why Sephiroth would bother going to PT was beyond him, but it was all he could think of.
“Worth a shot.”
It turned out to be a very accurate shot.
Cloud stared.
Seeing himself, from this perspective… weird didn’t even begin to cover it.
On the other side of the gym, he was looking at himself. Jogging. For a while now, by the looks of things.
Cloud couldn’t help but cringe. Was that what he looked like during PT? Face flushed, feet dragging, so obviously lagging behind? Odin, was he really that pathetic?
And worse, now Sephiroth knew it too.
A sudden call from nearby shattered his concentration. “General Sephiroth! How can we help you today?”
It was his usual squad Commander. Cloud was halfway into a salute when Zack snatched his hand and pulled it back down.
“Hey there! We’re just hoping we could borrow Cloud. SOLDIER business,” Zack replied with an easy grin.
“Strife?” His commander frowned. “Has he been causing trouble?”
“No trouble,” Zack promised. “We actually need his help.”
“If you say so,” the Commander grumbled. “Strife! Get your ass over here!”
Sephiroth was already heading over - at a fast walk, instead of a run. His face was flushed, but his eyes could have burned through steel. Cloud didn’t even know his face could make that expression.
“Sir,” Cloud greeted nervously. He’d always wanted to meet Sephiroth, but never envisioned it quite like this.
His squad commander looked confused. “General?”
Cloud gestured towards himself… or rather, towards Sephiroth in his body. Odin, that was confusing. “Actually, sir, he’s General Sephiroth.”
“Materia mishap,” Sephiroth said in a cold voice, sweeping past. “Zack, Strife, with me.”
From the corner of his eyes, he saw his commander suddenly go chalk-white. Huh. He wondered what that was about.
……………….
This was the most entertaining thing to happen to Zack in years. And given the kind of hijinks that went on in SOLDIER, that was a super tall bar to clear.
“You know, Cloud, turns out you can look pretty damn scary when you’re trying!” Zack remarked cheerfully, and then poked Sephiroth too. “And sir, you can smile! You should have seen Cloud on our way to pick you up, smiling all politely at people in the elevator. I thought they were either gonna faint or propose, honestly. The accent probably doesn’t help, either. Shiva, Cloud, your accent with Sephiroth’s voice is like sylkis greens to the-”
Sephiroth crossed his arms, but of course he was in Cloud’s body, so he looked more petulant than intimidating. “Enough, Zack. This needs a solution. I am unwilling to wait however long it may take for this phenomenon to wear off naturally. We should head to the Materia Department immediately.”
“Are we even sure it’s related to materia though, sir? I mean, have either of you used any materia recently?”
“I don’t have access outside of training,” Cloud replied with a shrug, and Zack had to bite down his laughter on the sight of Sephiroth shrugging. Why the hell wasn’t he recording this? He was going to have to beg Cissnei to get him the security tapes later.
“I do have access, but neither used nor encountered any yesterday without my knowledge. Most likely a catalyst, then. Perhaps someone or something we both came into contact with yesterday with suspect materia equipped,” Sephiroth mused. “ Although seeing as I did not leave the executive or SOLDIER floors and Strife does not have access to either, that possibility is also remote.”
Zack scratched his head. Sephiroth had a point. Like Cloud had said earlier, they hadn’t even met before.
“What about Zack?” Cloud asked. In Sephiroth’s voice, so it sounded a lot more intimidating than normal.
“Wait, what?” Zack put his hands up defensively. “Hey, no, you’re not blaming this one on me.”
“Strife has a point,” Sephiroth remarked. “You are the only point of contact we could possibly share. And we did cross ways yesterday evening.”
“And I saw you yesterday afternoon,” Cloud added.
Oh shit. Zack rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. It couldn’t possibly have been…
“Out with it, Zack,” Sephiroth ordered.
Damn, he hadn’t been kidding, Sephiroth was scary no matter whose face he wore. “There was maybe, kinda, this new materia I was testing out for the department… But I didn’t cast it on either of you, I promise!”
“Show us. Now.” Sephiroth had folded his arms again, foot tapping.
Zack dug around in his pocket, revealing the offending materia. It glowed a dull yellow in his palm. “I haven’t used it! I don’t even think it works? I tried to activate yesterday afternoon when I first got it, but it didn’t do anything! I tried again last night right before I went to sleep, and nothing happened then, either. I was alone both times, too.”
Sephiroth snatched it up, inspecting it critically. “Command-type. Similar to W-Item, I suspect. After initial activation, it doesn’t take effect until other conditions are fulfilled. In this case, most likely touch. Myself and Cloud, consecutively?”
“Uhhhh, yeah, actually. I ran into you right after I left Cloud.” Sephiroth could infer all that just from looking at the damn thing? He really was a genius. “Wait! So if I do it again…”
Sephiroth nodded. “Now, if you please.”
Zack grinned. “Not enjoying your time in the Security Forces, Sephiroth?”
“Not particularly, no.”
“Sorry sir,” Cloud apologised glumly. “I tried to find you as fast as I could. I didn’t think they’d make you run through PT.”
“It is hardly your fault, Strife. In fact, that you persevere in such conditions is… admirable,” Sephiroth admitted with a frown. “I will perhaps have to re-evaluate my expectations of troop performances accordingly.”
Silver lining there. Sephiroth had a bit of a reputation of running the regular forces ragged on missions.
Cloud still looked somewhat downtrodden at the prospect, though. Zack elbowed him. “Hey, cheer up, buddy. I’m sure you’ll make SOLDIER yourself soon enough. Consider this work experience!”
“It wasn’t even three hours, Zack,” Cloud retorted wryly, then sighed. “I’m ready.”
“Right. Here I go!” Zack activated the materia. Just like before, nothing happened, although maybe it was glowing a little brighter than before? He touched Sephiroth’s arm, then Cloud’s - or was it the other way around? - waited a moment, and then cast the spell again.
It was sort of an anti-climax. No big flash of light or anything. They both blinked, looked briefly disoriented, and then stared at each other for an uncomfortably long period of time. “Uh, guys?”
“It appears to have worked,” Sephiroth responded, or at least he assumed it was Sephiroth back in his own body, because taciturn as Cloud could be sometimes, he was never that formal.
“Cloud?” Zack prodded.
“Uh, yeah. Everything’s back to normal here.”
“This is fortunate. We won’t be required to enlist the aid of the Materia Department after all,” Sephiroth said in satisfaction, inspecting his hand, curling the fingers as though to test them. “Provided, of course, that you haven’t been carelessly walking around with that materia active this morning as well.”
Zack paused. “….Aw, hell.”
“Zack?” Cloud asked.
Sephiroth fixed him with a laser stare. “Who?”
He turned to them with a nervous smile. “…Kunsel and Cissnei.”
For Aelathehuntress
A. Portal 2
B. Wheatly
C. being himself ^_~
AN: Did Poker Night 2, since I could not honestly think of anything that Wheatley hadn’t already said in the reams and reams of dialogue from Portal 2. I thought I’d try doing this in a different dialogue-only style, given the format. I am afraid that I am no Stephen Merchant, however.
“What do you have there? Oh wow, check out that hand. Lots of twos, and a three, and my, look at all those different numbers…”
*Player folds*
“You’re folding! Folding? Why on earth would you do that? What possible reason could you have for throwing away such a marvellous hand?”
“Yes! The pot is mine!” *Ash collects the pot*
“Hey Wheatley, where’s GlaDOS gone to anyway?”
“You know her?”
“I wish. She can electrify my circuits any day, if you know what I mean.”
*Player requests a deal*
“Thank you, I didn’t need to hear any more of that.”
*Player Bets*
“Oh my, look at that. You’re definitely not going to want to fold with that hand.”
*Player folds*
“Again?!”
“Hey, Wheatley, my bro, you know we can all hear you, right?”
“Shut up, you idiot, you wanna make this harder?”
“It’s all good until he starts talking about your cards.”
For Aori_tsuki
A: Persona?!
B: maybe something with Akihiko/Minato? They always been my soft spot in this persona fandom. Annnnd if that's not good for you, maybe uh. Teddie meeting Ryoji or something.
C: P1 Grandpix!!! Unless that's two words oops.
AN: Not really slashy, but hopefully your goggles can take care of that?!
Akihiko can’t quite contain the chuckle rippling up his throat. It tastes as dark and bitter as cold coffee on his tongue.
“This can’t be real.”
Minato stands across from him, the faintest of smiles on his lips. As neutral and so damn cool as always.
“I really have to fight you next? This place is messed up.” There’s a strangled note to his voice, and he’s grateful none of the others are there to hear it. To hear his heart stumble. “Seems like all this place wants to do is open old wounds.”
Minato just sticks his hands in his pockets. He looks almost ethereal. Frighteningly pale. Like a corpse.
Akihiko can’t stop staring, drinking in the sight like an alcoholic tasting his first beer in months. None of them had any pictures, nothing so much as a memento of him. It never mattered, until it was already too late.
Minato looks smaller than he remembered. More fragile. Delicate. Akihiko had forgotten the exact shade of his eyes, how they sloped almost sleepily despite being bright and alert. Tiny details, lost to the passage of time.
It’s not even been three years yet. How had he lost so much already?
“It was over too fast. There was so much I wanted to say to you, and I never got the chance.”
Minato just stares. As quiet and unjudging as ever.
Akihiko shakes his head ruefully. He’s let himself get sentimental. Forgotten why he’s even here in his shock.
“It’s not you. It can’t be you. This is Labrys, isn’t it? Playing tricks on my eyes and ears again. Trying to throw me off my game.”
He takes a deep breath and throws back his cape. Clenches his fists, shifting into stance. His face splits into a fierce grin.
“But I’ll enjoy this chance anyway. To test my strength against you.”
To get closure. Any kind of closure. Even if it’s just an illusion.
For Caterfree10
A. FFVII (TFA-verse might be easiest for the prompt, but if you can work it in canon timeline instead, have fun with it, either way is fine :B)
B. Cloud and Sephiroth
C. Bodyswap - need I say more?
AN: I chose canon-verse since that was more interesting from a body-swap perspective. Also this is way too long, I have once again failed to keep a giftfic fill short. That said, it probably needed to be longer yet to do it properly, but I hope you enjoy this regardless.
This was a disaster. This was a catastrophe.
This was… a dream come true.
Cloud stared dumbly at the mirror in front of him.
Sephiroth stared back.
There were protocols for this. Well, not specifically ‘in the event you’ve exchanged bodies with ShinRa’s most famous First Class SOLDIER’, but procedures for dealing with materia mishaps. Transform materia accidents were surprisingly common, after all, as were issues with Exit or Command materia. Procedure dictated that he inform his commanding officer immediately.
However even as he turned to leave the apartment - and what a luxurious apartment it was, the private ensuite was bigger than his entire room - he couldn’t help but be captivated by the innate grace of his movement. Masamune, a sword he would struggle to lift in his own body felt as light as a fencing foil. Incredible strength lay coiled in his every muscle, his eyesight and hearing sharper than he’d ever imagined possible.
It wouldn’t hurt, would it? If he just put off procedure for a couple of hours. Long enough for a session in the training room, just to experience it…
After all, it wasn’t as though he would be missing anything important, only the standard morning PT and guard duty, both of which he could afford to skip if he just called in sick…
Wait.
If he was here… then Sephiroth would, logically, be in his body.
In his dorm.
With free access to his personal effects. Like his PHS. And his scrapbook.
Change of plan. He needed to report this immediately.
…………
The instant Sephiroth opened his eyes, he knew something was extremely wrong.
His vision was blurred, his hearing dull and muted. His body felt inexplicably heavy, as though in the grips of a Graviga, and his muscles ached faintly as though bruised, but moments passed and the ache failed to fade.
Some distant, strangely sluggish part of him catalogued the sensation and could compare it only to one of the tests Hojo had once performed to discover the limits of his endurance - a fortnight of constant physical activity without rest or sustenance.
Tiredness.
How infuriating. Especially as he could not recall what he might have done to induce such a state.
Despite this, he was more than awake enough to register that this was not his apartment. The lodgings were, at least, immediately identifiable as ShinRa - there was a trooper’s helmet on the wardrobe, and the bedding was unmistakeably ShinRa-issue as well. Company quarters. Security Division, if the pieces of uniform scattered across the room were any indication.
He pushed himself up, and the sense of wrongness only sharpened. It wasn’t until he left the bed and stood up that he realised the problem.
He was far too short.
This wasn’t his body.
…Which explained a great deal. Materia mishap, almost certainly. It had never happened to Sephiroth personally, but he’d dealt with more than enough cases within the ranks of SOLDIER.
The first order of business was to inform someone, preferably someone of rank who would be able to escalate the issue in order to requisition the resources necessary to fix the problem and cover his duties until it was resolved. To this end, Sephiroth proceeded to get dressed with the available clothing. His hands were astonishingly small and delicate, and he lost several minutes readjusting his perceptions, unused to the amount of force needed for simple tasks, and lacking the dexterity and response he was accustomed to. This body was clearly young, most likely a freshly-recruited trooper barely out of training.
Once properly attired, a surface inspection of the bedside table yielded an ID card - Cloud Strife. His clearance was depressingly low - this card wouldn’t take him to the SOLDIER or Executive Floors. He would need to enlist the aid of one of the officers in the Security Division, then.
He stepped into the hall into a stampede of troopers.
“Cloud!” One of the crowd grabbed him by the arm, hauling him along. “What the hell are you doing just standing there? Hurry up, or they’ll make us all do extra laps.”
Sephiroth tried to pull his arm free, and to his consternation, only succeeded in getting jostled and elbowed by the other troopers swarming around them. “Trooper, I need to go report to the-”
His protests were drowned out in the surrounding chatter, and like a leaf on a river, Sephiroth found himself carried along into of the training gyms. His irritation sharpened, but was quickly soothed as they entered the cavernous space and caught sight of the red-scarfed officer barking out orders to the rest of the crowd. Finally.
Sephiroth broke through the ranks, approaching the apparently senior officer. A Security Division Commander, by the looks of it. Capable enough of dealing with the issue. “I have a report to make.”
He glanced over. “Strife? What the hell are you doing? Get back in line.”
Annoyance surged again, but Sephiroth reined the response in - after all, he wasn’t wearing his normal visage, the mistake was excusable. “I am not actually Cloud Strife. I-”
“Very funny, Strife,” the Commander cut him off. “I don’t have time for pranks today.”
“If you will allow me to finish-”
“You giving me attitude now, Strife? Didn’t think you had it in you!” The Commander loomed over him, and Sephiroth was acutely reminded of precisely how small and… ineffectual his current form was.
Was this what it felt like to be normal?
It was a thought experiment he’d entertained often, not quite a fantasy so much as curiosity. His imagination, apparently, was left wanting. While his anonymity and lack of physical prowess was… novel… it was not, he was swiftly discovering, comparatively pleasant.
“I am attempting to follow procedure,” he retorted shortly.
“The only damn procedure you need to be following here is to get out of my face and get back into formation!” the Commander thundered.
This was ridiculous. He wasn’t even given leave to speak. Ludicrous. What if this were a true emergency? “I will have you demoted, Commander,” Sephiroth declared icily.
“And if you don’t shut up and follow orders, I’ll have you written up and kicked out! Now for the last time, get back in line, and you can do an extra ten laps for goofing around!”
In this body, he did not possess the means, nor apparently the authority, to put his inferior in his place.
Sephiroth was left with no choice but to follow along for the moment. To shuffle back into formation, and perform morning physical training in this puny, ineffectual, weak body.
This was a nightmare.
……..
It was really, really weird the way people just… parted for him. And how short everyone was. They all seemed so… fragile.
It was kind of freaking Cloud out.
Not that it wasn’t sort of cool… to begin with. But he was trying to find someone he could actually make a report to and it hadn’t exactly gone well. Most of the people he’d approached for directions had been so flustered he found himself backing off again almost immediately.
Which left him in a bit of a quandary. He needed to find a superior to report this to, but he didn’t know where the Director of SOLDIER’s office was - had never actually been on the SOLDIER floor before, for that matter. He’d simply resorted to systematically walking through the building looking for a likely door to walk through. If SOLDIER were anything like the Security Division, there would be names and titles on offices.
Luckily, he didn’t have to go that far, because that was when he saw a familiar head of spiky black hair.
“Zack!” Cloud blurted.
Zack pulled to a stop, a puzzle expression on his face. “Um, everything okay there sir? Not that I’m glad, but I don’t think you’ve ever been that happy to see me.”
“It’s me. Cloud!”
Zack stared at him for what felt like several eternities. “…Um, what?”
“Cloud! I woke up like this! I’m not actually Sephiroth!”
“Are you alright, sir? I didn’t even think you knew Cloud.”
“Zack! Listen to me carefully. I am Cloud Strife, and I am stuck inside Sephiroth’s body.”
“You’re… oh! Oh! A materia mishap?”
Cloud’s shoulders slumped with relief as he nodded.
Zack burst into laughter. “Seriously? Oh, this is too good. How did it even happen?”
“I have no idea. I’ve been trying to find someone to report it to, but…” He spread his hands helplessly.
“Right, right. Although… wait, Cloud, you guys weren’t, um, you know…”
“Weren’t what?” Cloud asked, puzzled.
Zack coughed, pointedly. “You know. Um, together?”
Bewildered, Cloud explained, “I’ve never actually met Sephiroth in person, Zack. I’m just a trooper.”
Zack shook his head with a grin. “I guess I should be relieved you don’t get it.” He rubbed his hands together. “Okay then! First things first, we gotta go find Sephiroth! He’s probably in your body, right? Heck, even if he isn’t we’d better check that your body is okay.” Without waiting for a reply, Zack was hoofing it towards the elevators, leaving Cloud no choice but to follow or be left behind.
A quick check of his room showed it was both empty and his ID card had gone missing. To Cloud’s great relief, that seemed to be all that had changed - his drawers were untouched, and the box under the bed unmoved. “Where do you think he went?” Zack mused. “Nobody has come looking for you yet, after all. I mean, looking for Sephiroth… you know what I mean.”
“Maybe he’s at PT?” Cloud ventured. “I have it at this time every morning, usually.” Why Sephiroth would bother going to PT was beyond him, but it was all he could think of.
“Worth a shot.”
It turned out to be a very accurate shot.
Cloud stared.
Seeing himself, from this perspective… weird didn’t even begin to cover it.
On the other side of the gym, he was looking at himself. Jogging. For a while now, by the looks of things.
Cloud couldn’t help but cringe. Was that what he looked like during PT? Face flushed, feet dragging, so obviously lagging behind? Odin, was he really that pathetic?
And worse, now Sephiroth knew it too.
A sudden call from nearby shattered his concentration. “General Sephiroth! How can we help you today?”
It was his usual squad Commander. Cloud was halfway into a salute when Zack snatched his hand and pulled it back down.
“Hey there! We’re just hoping we could borrow Cloud. SOLDIER business,” Zack replied with an easy grin.
“Strife?” His commander frowned. “Has he been causing trouble?”
“No trouble,” Zack promised. “We actually need his help.”
“If you say so,” the Commander grumbled. “Strife! Get your ass over here!”
Sephiroth was already heading over - at a fast walk, instead of a run. His face was flushed, but his eyes could have burned through steel. Cloud didn’t even know his face could make that expression.
“Sir,” Cloud greeted nervously. He’d always wanted to meet Sephiroth, but never envisioned it quite like this.
His squad commander looked confused. “General?”
Cloud gestured towards himself… or rather, towards Sephiroth in his body. Odin, that was confusing. “Actually, sir, he’s General Sephiroth.”
“Materia mishap,” Sephiroth said in a cold voice, sweeping past. “Zack, Strife, with me.”
From the corner of his eyes, he saw his commander suddenly go chalk-white. Huh. He wondered what that was about.
……………….
This was the most entertaining thing to happen to Zack in years. And given the kind of hijinks that went on in SOLDIER, that was a super tall bar to clear.
“You know, Cloud, turns out you can look pretty damn scary when you’re trying!” Zack remarked cheerfully, and then poked Sephiroth too. “And sir, you can smile! You should have seen Cloud on our way to pick you up, smiling all politely at people in the elevator. I thought they were either gonna faint or propose, honestly. The accent probably doesn’t help, either. Shiva, Cloud, your accent with Sephiroth’s voice is like sylkis greens to the-”
Sephiroth crossed his arms, but of course he was in Cloud’s body, so he looked more petulant than intimidating. “Enough, Zack. This needs a solution. I am unwilling to wait however long it may take for this phenomenon to wear off naturally. We should head to the Materia Department immediately.”
“Are we even sure it’s related to materia though, sir? I mean, have either of you used any materia recently?”
“I don’t have access outside of training,” Cloud replied with a shrug, and Zack had to bite down his laughter on the sight of Sephiroth shrugging. Why the hell wasn’t he recording this? He was going to have to beg Cissnei to get him the security tapes later.
“I do have access, but neither used nor encountered any yesterday without my knowledge. Most likely a catalyst, then. Perhaps someone or something we both came into contact with yesterday with suspect materia equipped,” Sephiroth mused. “ Although seeing as I did not leave the executive or SOLDIER floors and Strife does not have access to either, that possibility is also remote.”
Zack scratched his head. Sephiroth had a point. Like Cloud had said earlier, they hadn’t even met before.
“What about Zack?” Cloud asked. In Sephiroth’s voice, so it sounded a lot more intimidating than normal.
“Wait, what?” Zack put his hands up defensively. “Hey, no, you’re not blaming this one on me.”
“Strife has a point,” Sephiroth remarked. “You are the only point of contact we could possibly share. And we did cross ways yesterday evening.”
“And I saw you yesterday afternoon,” Cloud added.
Oh shit. Zack rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. It couldn’t possibly have been…
“Out with it, Zack,” Sephiroth ordered.
Damn, he hadn’t been kidding, Sephiroth was scary no matter whose face he wore. “There was maybe, kinda, this new materia I was testing out for the department… But I didn’t cast it on either of you, I promise!”
“Show us. Now.” Sephiroth had folded his arms again, foot tapping.
Zack dug around in his pocket, revealing the offending materia. It glowed a dull yellow in his palm. “I haven’t used it! I don’t even think it works? I tried to activate yesterday afternoon when I first got it, but it didn’t do anything! I tried again last night right before I went to sleep, and nothing happened then, either. I was alone both times, too.”
Sephiroth snatched it up, inspecting it critically. “Command-type. Similar to W-Item, I suspect. After initial activation, it doesn’t take effect until other conditions are fulfilled. In this case, most likely touch. Myself and Cloud, consecutively?”
“Uhhhh, yeah, actually. I ran into you right after I left Cloud.” Sephiroth could infer all that just from looking at the damn thing? He really was a genius. “Wait! So if I do it again…”
Sephiroth nodded. “Now, if you please.”
Zack grinned. “Not enjoying your time in the Security Forces, Sephiroth?”
“Not particularly, no.”
“Sorry sir,” Cloud apologised glumly. “I tried to find you as fast as I could. I didn’t think they’d make you run through PT.”
“It is hardly your fault, Strife. In fact, that you persevere in such conditions is… admirable,” Sephiroth admitted with a frown. “I will perhaps have to re-evaluate my expectations of troop performances accordingly.”
Silver lining there. Sephiroth had a bit of a reputation of running the regular forces ragged on missions.
Cloud still looked somewhat downtrodden at the prospect, though. Zack elbowed him. “Hey, cheer up, buddy. I’m sure you’ll make SOLDIER yourself soon enough. Consider this work experience!”
“It wasn’t even three hours, Zack,” Cloud retorted wryly, then sighed. “I’m ready.”
“Right. Here I go!” Zack activated the materia. Just like before, nothing happened, although maybe it was glowing a little brighter than before? He touched Sephiroth’s arm, then Cloud’s - or was it the other way around? - waited a moment, and then cast the spell again.
It was sort of an anti-climax. No big flash of light or anything. They both blinked, looked briefly disoriented, and then stared at each other for an uncomfortably long period of time. “Uh, guys?”
“It appears to have worked,” Sephiroth responded, or at least he assumed it was Sephiroth back in his own body, because taciturn as Cloud could be sometimes, he was never that formal.
“Cloud?” Zack prodded.
“Uh, yeah. Everything’s back to normal here.”
“This is fortunate. We won’t be required to enlist the aid of the Materia Department after all,” Sephiroth said in satisfaction, inspecting his hand, curling the fingers as though to test them. “Provided, of course, that you haven’t been carelessly walking around with that materia active this morning as well.”
Zack paused. “….Aw, hell.”
“Zack?” Cloud asked.
Sephiroth fixed him with a laser stare. “Who?”
He turned to them with a nervous smile. “…Kunsel and Cissnei.”