(no subject)
Greetings
This is no clone, nor is it some imposter, but atlas, it is I. No, I am not dead, as I am sure everyone will experiance, I've just been on a little bit of a mental vacation. Yep, that's right, baby, out of sight, out of mind. So many things have occured over the last 8 months, that it would be far difficult to express in just one simply long post, so I shall just weed out the bullshit and commit myself to actually giving something back, to you, my lovelies.
As it stands, I'm working at my old job again, for the boss called not longer then two months ago, tempting me with a higher income and power. I could always use more money, for I will always spend more money, and power isn't needed, for I own the world, despite Dubya's beliefs. I enjoyed my job, and not only was the request recieved in a timely matter, but I was informed that I was "needed". Not often, do you find a global company asking for your return, so I felt obligated to return. Plus, no matter how much I try to avoid the feeling, I missed the horridity of the place.
So, moving back to Roseville. With the puppies in hand, clothes in the car, and all my other shit packed up nicely at my parents house, I ventured to the only place I knew I wouldn't be a hassel. Back to ze boy's. I'm sure many were generally aware that we were no longer dating, and that I want to focus my life on ME, and stop putting myself in places where other's demands outrule my own. Ze boy wasn't as knowledgeful. Grandure thoughts of my return, a round-about-behind-the-bush marriage purposal, and a little bit of anomalous behavior consitant with turmoil. "Do what you want?", "Don't worry about me", "I'm just here to make sure you're fine" which translates into "Do what I want you to do, because it makes me happy", "Worry about me enough to come running back and after things are calm, let me get my dick wet", and the ever faithful, "I'll do everything I can to smother you and help, just as long as I don't get any of my personal shit done." Yes, that's said out of vain, can be taken out of context, and could be taken as downright rude for me to say. Sure, so could "I piss in your mom's ass", but I am a lady, and I don't say shit like that. Well, not twice in this post. Deal?
Turmoil, yes, you read it earlier, don't blink, you'll might miss the next one. Wanting to better my life, and my situation, while dealing with ze boy going into the Army, directing all his time on scrutinizing me. Take the art apart. Piece it together. Glue and double sided dong tape. Frame it. Take all the steps to enjoy, skip those you wish. Learn to appriciate what you've done, to what you've done it too. Then realize, that with all the effort you've put into destroying something, all the effort you have put into rebuilding something broken and dead, all the effort to make it seem flawless... It doesn't mean shit. It's not flawless, the wall you hang such work will eventually crumble, and everything deteriorates. Nothing has a shelflife near love, but some things can come close. Platonium, mutherfawkers. Dilithium mawthafawkin crystals, bitches. Er. I was on a roll, with no fuckin direction. K. Next paragraph.
Things were stressful. Things ARE stressful. Compliancy issues create other compliancy issues. Things were tough, and are tough. I supported ze boy as much as I can, but I can't be who he wants me to be, I can't revert back to some hallowed husk, some atomaton. Things are too fresh in my mind. The way Derek fucked shit up, and how things are still in recovery. Austin's contributions to that, and his seperate acts of fucking. I don't want that, and I've learned from what I had to go through. What I am STILL going through. Do I take the time I have and spend it upon my self improvement, my relocating. Or do I do what he wants, and spend a day with him, going to the movies, and acting like the couple we haven't been in years? Do I spend my time fixing my shit and cleaning up after him, or do I procrastinate as he did? What about all his shit he didn't do anything with. The things he cherrished, as he says he cherrishes me? Apples and fuckin' oranges, sir, apples and fuckin' oranges.
I can't. I can't do alot of the things I wish. The people that bring me up, that support me in ways I could never deduce, deserve the same attention, the same efforts. But the shit I've got to do here, and now, treated with the way I was treated, should all be left behind. Damn myself for being such a good person, and willing to put forth the effort to correct manners of such carelessness. I've thanked ze boy, consistantly for the offers and the acts, weither fullfilled or imaginary, because it simply is the thought that counts. Yet, how far can something monotone count? Up to 9, I would presume, double digits can be tricky for anything other then twotone.
So, I sit here, at ze boy's computer, that he had injected my HD in, as if, it's my computer now, looking at all the things that was provided for us, by everyone and ourselves. I see this mountain of junk, loved junk, with no home and no end. Parralleities. Yes, that's a word. Call Webster's Dictionary, I'll fuckin sign it. I'm civil, I'm courteous, but how far should I extend my neck with the stress and the worry that was equally cast, though misplaced.
Yes, I'm still stressed, and I am a worry-ier *yes, another word that really is a word!*
Oh wells. I've got to get a move on, it's already 8:40 am, and I still have alot of shit to pack, alot of things to do, and somehow, i've got to work it all out accordingly. Things will get better. I know this, because Jesus said so. Then again, he still owes me for those hookers
This is no clone, nor is it some imposter, but atlas, it is I. No, I am not dead, as I am sure everyone will experiance, I've just been on a little bit of a mental vacation. Yep, that's right, baby, out of sight, out of mind. So many things have occured over the last 8 months, that it would be far difficult to express in just one simply long post, so I shall just weed out the bullshit and commit myself to actually giving something back, to you, my lovelies.
As it stands, I'm working at my old job again, for the boss called not longer then two months ago, tempting me with a higher income and power. I could always use more money, for I will always spend more money, and power isn't needed, for I own the world, despite Dubya's beliefs. I enjoyed my job, and not only was the request recieved in a timely matter, but I was informed that I was "needed". Not often, do you find a global company asking for your return, so I felt obligated to return. Plus, no matter how much I try to avoid the feeling, I missed the horridity of the place.
So, moving back to Roseville. With the puppies in hand, clothes in the car, and all my other shit packed up nicely at my parents house, I ventured to the only place I knew I wouldn't be a hassel. Back to ze boy's. I'm sure many were generally aware that we were no longer dating, and that I want to focus my life on ME, and stop putting myself in places where other's demands outrule my own. Ze boy wasn't as knowledgeful. Grandure thoughts of my return, a round-about-behind-the-bush marriage purposal, and a little bit of anomalous behavior consitant with turmoil. "Do what you want?", "Don't worry about me", "I'm just here to make sure you're fine" which translates into "Do what I want you to do, because it makes me happy", "Worry about me enough to come running back and after things are calm, let me get my dick wet", and the ever faithful, "I'll do everything I can to smother you and help, just as long as I don't get any of my personal shit done." Yes, that's said out of vain, can be taken out of context, and could be taken as downright rude for me to say. Sure, so could "I piss in your mom's ass", but I am a lady, and I don't say shit like that. Well, not twice in this post. Deal?
Turmoil, yes, you read it earlier, don't blink, you'll might miss the next one. Wanting to better my life, and my situation, while dealing with ze boy going into the Army, directing all his time on scrutinizing me. Take the art apart. Piece it together. Glue and double sided dong tape. Frame it. Take all the steps to enjoy, skip those you wish. Learn to appriciate what you've done, to what you've done it too. Then realize, that with all the effort you've put into destroying something, all the effort you have put into rebuilding something broken and dead, all the effort to make it seem flawless... It doesn't mean shit. It's not flawless, the wall you hang such work will eventually crumble, and everything deteriorates. Nothing has a shelflife near love, but some things can come close. Platonium, mutherfawkers. Dilithium mawthafawkin crystals, bitches. Er. I was on a roll, with no fuckin direction. K. Next paragraph.
Things were stressful. Things ARE stressful. Compliancy issues create other compliancy issues. Things were tough, and are tough. I supported ze boy as much as I can, but I can't be who he wants me to be, I can't revert back to some hallowed husk, some atomaton. Things are too fresh in my mind. The way Derek fucked shit up, and how things are still in recovery. Austin's contributions to that, and his seperate acts of fucking. I don't want that, and I've learned from what I had to go through. What I am STILL going through. Do I take the time I have and spend it upon my self improvement, my relocating. Or do I do what he wants, and spend a day with him, going to the movies, and acting like the couple we haven't been in years? Do I spend my time fixing my shit and cleaning up after him, or do I procrastinate as he did? What about all his shit he didn't do anything with. The things he cherrished, as he says he cherrishes me? Apples and fuckin' oranges, sir, apples and fuckin' oranges.
I can't. I can't do alot of the things I wish. The people that bring me up, that support me in ways I could never deduce, deserve the same attention, the same efforts. But the shit I've got to do here, and now, treated with the way I was treated, should all be left behind. Damn myself for being such a good person, and willing to put forth the effort to correct manners of such carelessness. I've thanked ze boy, consistantly for the offers and the acts, weither fullfilled or imaginary, because it simply is the thought that counts. Yet, how far can something monotone count? Up to 9, I would presume, double digits can be tricky for anything other then twotone.
So, I sit here, at ze boy's computer, that he had injected my HD in, as if, it's my computer now, looking at all the things that was provided for us, by everyone and ourselves. I see this mountain of junk, loved junk, with no home and no end. Parralleities. Yes, that's a word. Call Webster's Dictionary, I'll fuckin sign it. I'm civil, I'm courteous, but how far should I extend my neck with the stress and the worry that was equally cast, though misplaced.
Yes, I'm still stressed, and I am a worry-ier *yes, another word that really is a word!*
Oh wells. I've got to get a move on, it's already 8:40 am, and I still have alot of shit to pack, alot of things to do, and somehow, i've got to work it all out accordingly. Things will get better. I know this, because Jesus said so. Then again, he still owes me for those hookers