(no subject)
Well, I feel bad. It's been four days since I last updated, not like there was anything of value to say, but I still feel guilty you know?
But, it's 2am on the official last day of the year 2006, and man what a year has it been. It's had up's (graduation, seeing the shows, and the rest of the adventures we had) and of course the downs which mainly goes with the loss of our close friends and relatives. I'd have to say though, overall, it's been a good year in multiple ways. It's been both a learning experience and a year that brought us closer.
The new year started off on a rather shitty foot, although I got to spent the first few hours with you which made it amazing, but coming off the loss of Granny in late 2005, my year was off to a dismal start to being with. Within the first few weeks of January we were up to our usual antics. Skipping school, going out, and just having a blast with life like we were. It was late in the month, the 28th to be exact, when I got the news of Budd's passing. Seems like you were on the same page as me that day, cause I found you at school with I'd say half the student body mourning him. Some knew him, some didn't, but he was respected and loved, and most of all a kid I will never forget. I remember being at his funeral with you and I can remember the goofy look you gave me when you saw the tears in my eyes when the played the sad music while closing his casket. Unfortunatly, that's an image I will never forget. Sending Granny "home" was the hardest thing I've had to do, and ultimately probably will be that way for the rest of my life, but Alain was the first friend I had to bury, and I think it was yours too. That also took a part of my life away that day. February passed, and of course Valentine's Day. I bet you don't even remember what I got you, I know I'm having a hard time remembering that's for sure =P But it's been awhile, I suppose you must give me credit for that. The rest of that month went off without a hitch. Things had been going to good in both your life and my own, and I suppose God meant to stop that, so he threw the inevitable monkey wrench in the gears, and on March 12 took the last breath from a man I had the pleasure of meeting entirely too late into his lifetime. I've heard stories, I've seen the family he's built and the product he's created. I can only hope to be half the man your grandfather was and I hope that if we do stay together that we can build a family to be half as good as the one he built. I can remember leaving the hospital that night and hitting my car and just feeling this weird feeling, the same one I felt the day Granny passed, and I had known what happened. It wasn't til later that night I got the phonecall to confirm what happened but I still felt bad, and I was just thankful I got the chance to meet the man before he left and I wish I had gotten to know him better. Even so, on a positive note we celebrated one year the next day, also nothing to complain about from either party. The rest of March went on, your Grandfather's funeral passed, and many shaky moments with school and the drama with our friends and all that sort of thing. April came. If my memory serves me correct it was towards the end of April, might have been the middle, shit I don't remember. All I can remember is sneaking into your house and telling your sister and your mom not to blab to you, and I placed a simple white bear holding a box on your bed. Inside the box was the ring you dreamed of, and I hoped that it was everything you wanted and it was the right one even! All I know is that the day you got that I feel like you finally realized how serious about each other we were, and it was a good day over all. May came, may went. Little Karly gained another year and grew to the big age of 17! Woohoo! Congrats hun =P
May 31st - Senior Prom. This year it wasn't so hyped to us like it was last year, I know with Junior prom we had this whole big crew of people and all these extravagant plans for afterword and what not, but it seemed as though this year the Prom was more simplified. I feel bad, for starters, for making it a rather shitty night. I looked a mess given the fact I was too lazy to cut my hair. I didn't dance but maybe twice? I was anti-social, and I feel as though I pretty much ruined the night for the both of us. Although the plans with Courtney fell through, I know you were excited. I still remember sitting infront of your house in the car after prom arguing. I remember you took the ring off and put it in my hand and told me to give it to someone who deserved it and then realizing how stupid we were being I went home and grabbed clothes. I stayed at your house that night and we spent hours talking, and that was overall a good thing. I still feel stupid because that morning I had to bring my sister to school and instead of coming back and being cute and waking you up I just went home like a prick. [New Years Resolution #1: Work on being more romantic] The pictures from prom definatly came out better, I didn't have that goofy ass smile on this time haha. May ended that night, and June began. I was rather nervous about this month because it was the beginning of the rest of my life and it's almost as-if I was making the transition from being a kid to actually being somewhat of an adult. June 7th, with 6 of you there, hopefully more like 8 with my spiritual guardians (Granny and Papa), I walked across that stage, snagged that diploma, and looked out into the crowd. The feeling that hit me was the most amazing thing I've ever felt. To actually accomplish something that no one else in my family ever had was a great feeling. I could see how happy Mom and Dad were, but I could also here that "I love you Pook!" getting shouted out when I walked across. Mildly embarassed but completely proud I graduated from high school. I know I have you to thank for that because when we started dating Junior year, even though neither of us were on very good paths to begin with, we offset each other and nudged each other in the right direction. With my own (not really) determination to graduate and your foot in my ass I did it. And, also a side note [New Years Resolution #2: Sign up for STCC classes and Maintain a 3.5+GPA] even if something happens to us (which I'm thinking it's not going to anytime soon *crosses fingers*)I will always remember you for that among other things. July came. Nothing spectacular. Forth of July was fun, we went and saw the fireworks again. We went to the camp towards the end of the month, or was the August? I'm not quite positive. I had my 18th birthday towards the end of July, and again I had 3 birthday parties. It was fun having your parents getting me a cake again, man does your family know how to make me feel like I'm a part of it, and I know in my heart (or at least I'm under the assumption) that I'm actually liked by the people in your family. I still remember going up to the old Monson State Insane Asylum and walking around with you. You were such a G running up in those haunted ass buildings...nah. Drew and I held it down on the outside. Another moment among many I feel guilty for was making you throw that wooden chair away that you wanted to save, I was being a little bitch that day and I apologize. August came. I don't remember anything eventful happening. We had a scare. Or two. You know. THE Scare. But we got through that together. I had been working my job at Papa Ginos for a month or so now, and the new cash flow was the greatest thing ever. It gave us a few dollars to do things we actually wanted to do. Man, was that cool! September came, you went back to school. That was odd for me, and I'm assuming it was the same for you. Not having to get up and go every morning was weird for me, but I'm sure that for you not seeing my goofy self standing outside your class, or walking you to class, or just being in the building in general for you must have been odd (again, just going out on a limb here =P). I think, if I'm right, that was the only major thing that happened. October came, and we had fun with Halloween. We carved pumpkins, we went on Hay rides, we had a fun couple days that stick out. Overall, another generally fun month. November came, and this was both up and down for us (notice how the memories are becoming a little more detailed towards the end of the year, I think my memory is starting to die out on me..-.-)but we got through them. We had Ani up first rather early in the month, I think it was the 10th? Not positive, I'll consult my jar of air later (mind you, that was such an awesome present!). The concert was weird for me, because I wasn't in my own skin there, I really stuck out. But, nonetheless, I attempted to mix in and have a blast with you. You can read the entry that's either down the page a bit or on the next one about what I thought about it. It really was a rather mind-opening experience. That and it was our first major adventure to a place I'd never really been, can't really say the same for you cause you've been there a few times, but man it was an ordeal eh? We've both come to the conclusion I'm not that great of a driver under pressure (queue the David Bowie music) in unfamiliar territory, but we got there. A week later you had your surgery to get rid of the lumps that were located in your boobs. I know that had more of an impact of you than me for obvious reasons, but you know I was worried as well. It wasn't a life-threatening surgery and it was "simple" I was still scared. I can remember sitting on your couch seeing you doped out on painkillers and what not going "DOOD! That's a funny word" - "Dude is a funny word" - "No, not dude. DOOD! Doodey. heheheh". Man, you were a freakin' space cadet that night. I found much humor in it, but I was just glad it was over. A week later we had another concert to goto, but this time I fit in a bit better as it was to see Silverstein. It was a great concert, I just wish I could have done a bit more to hold the crowd off you went they opened up playing My Sword Vs. Your Dagger. Nonetheless I still had an amazing time. I can't apologize enough for losing your hoodie during the mosh pits in the It Dies Today set, but I hope you understand I was very sorry for that. I stayed behind, as you already knew, to find it, which also already known, I did find it. I also got a guitar pick and a drumstick from the band members. I threw the drumstick to the kids in the crowd, but I gave you both the hoodie and the pick. I remember coming out to the car seeing you crying cuddling yourself in my hoodie listening to Call It Karma when I gave you your stuff back (after throwing it at the windshield infront of you which I'll admit was a little rash of me and rather obxious just to name a few) and you leaned over and squeezed me half to death. I hope you could see that I was sorry for that and that I was going to do what it took to find it and make it better. The rest of November passed, and December came. The beginning of December is always a good time for us, and hopefully it will b e for many years to come as it holds our Anniversary. This year we celebrated two wonderful years together, and even though I'm sure it was a great night I wish I had done more romantic things and all that stuff like you already knew. Dinner rocked. Goten is by far one of the best places I've eaten in recent memory. The night was also amazing, but that's history, and also none of anyone elses business but ours ;) The rest of December was rough, not so much for us, or even me personally, but you. I'm not going to say anything about that, as it's honestly not my place to speak on, but through it all (even though some of it is still ongoing) I will be here, I will not leave your side and I'm here for your support both mentally and emotionally until you feel you don't want me around anymore or that I cannot contribute to your life in a positive aspect anymore.
We've spent another amazing year together, and as today winds down without the promise of seeing you I'll be gloomy, of course. I was thankful to have my Pook back for Christmas, and even though your return was short-lived we know, all of us (your family, myself, and anyone else who knows) that this is for the best.
I'm going to try and call you tomorrow, I know it won't be the same as actually spending the New Year with you, I will call, both Sunday night after 5pm when I get out of work, so probably about 6pm, and Monday after 8pm cause I have work, so probably about 830pm. Tuesday seems to be the day I'll be coming to visit you, er. Let's re-phrase that, I'll be in the same building as you. Whether they'll let me visit you or not is another story, but I'm going to attempt to pop in and steal a hug and a kiss, as well as drop off some...gifts you're not expecting :)
In theory, of course this is a theory because this it the best-case scenario set of events happening and what-not, your next return would be a week from your last admittal, which would have been last Friday, meaning that you could be coming home Friday. Although you seem to think you won't be, and if you're not going to be that's completely ok. It'd be selfish for me to get mad about that, so I'm not going to. I'll attempt to visting Saturday and Sunday if it's possible, unfortunatly I don't think I'm allowed to go with your mother (that and if I came up two days in a row and the wrong people saw us they'd think either A] we were a very odd brother/sister combination, or B] they'd put together that I was your boyfriend)so my visitation schedule is really limited to what she can do. I know she starts her job with Gale Candaras(sorry about the possible mis-spelling)this Wenesday that's coming up, but I do remember her mentioning she'd only be working 20-25 hours a week, which would put it at like 4-5 hours a day or a couple longs days every other day type thing you know what I mean? I know your mom is if-y about the whole thing because of how hard it was to find it the first time we had to and her car being old and all that sort of thing, but I'm sure if I offer to drive that will bribe her easily. I'm going to try to come up at least twice, possibly three times (this provided that the first few times go off without a hitch), but that all goes based around my work schedule and what-not. I'm sure that everything will be fine.
I started writing this an hour ago, man that's mildly pathetic. I was briefly sidetracked by the fact Saw was on HBO and then I had another distraction called Bit Torrent cause some more CD's crossed my mind that I should download, so I did.
Alright though, I'm sure that you will never read this or you will and be like "what the fuck is this dude on" but incase you do want to read it I'm going to cut it now. It's 3am I've got work from 12pm-5pm, not a huge shift. I'll hopefully be talking to you and have another random emotional spurge to write about as well as possibly a more in-depth end of the year entry. That, and I'll throw out my New Year's Resolutions, I've got a few. So for now, I'm going to go. I love you. <3
But, it's 2am on the official last day of the year 2006, and man what a year has it been. It's had up's (graduation, seeing the shows, and the rest of the adventures we had) and of course the downs which mainly goes with the loss of our close friends and relatives. I'd have to say though, overall, it's been a good year in multiple ways. It's been both a learning experience and a year that brought us closer.
The new year started off on a rather shitty foot, although I got to spent the first few hours with you which made it amazing, but coming off the loss of Granny in late 2005, my year was off to a dismal start to being with. Within the first few weeks of January we were up to our usual antics. Skipping school, going out, and just having a blast with life like we were. It was late in the month, the 28th to be exact, when I got the news of Budd's passing. Seems like you were on the same page as me that day, cause I found you at school with I'd say half the student body mourning him. Some knew him, some didn't, but he was respected and loved, and most of all a kid I will never forget. I remember being at his funeral with you and I can remember the goofy look you gave me when you saw the tears in my eyes when the played the sad music while closing his casket. Unfortunatly, that's an image I will never forget. Sending Granny "home" was the hardest thing I've had to do, and ultimately probably will be that way for the rest of my life, but Alain was the first friend I had to bury, and I think it was yours too. That also took a part of my life away that day. February passed, and of course Valentine's Day. I bet you don't even remember what I got you, I know I'm having a hard time remembering that's for sure =P But it's been awhile, I suppose you must give me credit for that. The rest of that month went off without a hitch. Things had been going to good in both your life and my own, and I suppose God meant to stop that, so he threw the inevitable monkey wrench in the gears, and on March 12 took the last breath from a man I had the pleasure of meeting entirely too late into his lifetime. I've heard stories, I've seen the family he's built and the product he's created. I can only hope to be half the man your grandfather was and I hope that if we do stay together that we can build a family to be half as good as the one he built. I can remember leaving the hospital that night and hitting my car and just feeling this weird feeling, the same one I felt the day Granny passed, and I had known what happened. It wasn't til later that night I got the phonecall to confirm what happened but I still felt bad, and I was just thankful I got the chance to meet the man before he left and I wish I had gotten to know him better. Even so, on a positive note we celebrated one year the next day, also nothing to complain about from either party. The rest of March went on, your Grandfather's funeral passed, and many shaky moments with school and the drama with our friends and all that sort of thing. April came. If my memory serves me correct it was towards the end of April, might have been the middle, shit I don't remember. All I can remember is sneaking into your house and telling your sister and your mom not to blab to you, and I placed a simple white bear holding a box on your bed. Inside the box was the ring you dreamed of, and I hoped that it was everything you wanted and it was the right one even! All I know is that the day you got that I feel like you finally realized how serious about each other we were, and it was a good day over all. May came, may went. Little Karly gained another year and grew to the big age of 17! Woohoo! Congrats hun =P
May 31st - Senior Prom. This year it wasn't so hyped to us like it was last year, I know with Junior prom we had this whole big crew of people and all these extravagant plans for afterword and what not, but it seemed as though this year the Prom was more simplified. I feel bad, for starters, for making it a rather shitty night. I looked a mess given the fact I was too lazy to cut my hair. I didn't dance but maybe twice? I was anti-social, and I feel as though I pretty much ruined the night for the both of us. Although the plans with Courtney fell through, I know you were excited. I still remember sitting infront of your house in the car after prom arguing. I remember you took the ring off and put it in my hand and told me to give it to someone who deserved it and then realizing how stupid we were being I went home and grabbed clothes. I stayed at your house that night and we spent hours talking, and that was overall a good thing. I still feel stupid because that morning I had to bring my sister to school and instead of coming back and being cute and waking you up I just went home like a prick. [New Years Resolution #1: Work on being more romantic] The pictures from prom definatly came out better, I didn't have that goofy ass smile on this time haha. May ended that night, and June began. I was rather nervous about this month because it was the beginning of the rest of my life and it's almost as-if I was making the transition from being a kid to actually being somewhat of an adult. June 7th, with 6 of you there, hopefully more like 8 with my spiritual guardians (Granny and Papa), I walked across that stage, snagged that diploma, and looked out into the crowd. The feeling that hit me was the most amazing thing I've ever felt. To actually accomplish something that no one else in my family ever had was a great feeling. I could see how happy Mom and Dad were, but I could also here that "I love you Pook!" getting shouted out when I walked across. Mildly embarassed but completely proud I graduated from high school. I know I have you to thank for that because when we started dating Junior year, even though neither of us were on very good paths to begin with, we offset each other and nudged each other in the right direction. With my own (not really) determination to graduate and your foot in my ass I did it. And, also a side note [New Years Resolution #2: Sign up for STCC classes and Maintain a 3.5+GPA] even if something happens to us (which I'm thinking it's not going to anytime soon *crosses fingers*)I will always remember you for that among other things. July came. Nothing spectacular. Forth of July was fun, we went and saw the fireworks again. We went to the camp towards the end of the month, or was the August? I'm not quite positive. I had my 18th birthday towards the end of July, and again I had 3 birthday parties. It was fun having your parents getting me a cake again, man does your family know how to make me feel like I'm a part of it, and I know in my heart (or at least I'm under the assumption) that I'm actually liked by the people in your family. I still remember going up to the old Monson State Insane Asylum and walking around with you. You were such a G running up in those haunted ass buildings...nah. Drew and I held it down on the outside. Another moment among many I feel guilty for was making you throw that wooden chair away that you wanted to save, I was being a little bitch that day and I apologize. August came. I don't remember anything eventful happening. We had a scare. Or two. You know. THE Scare. But we got through that together. I had been working my job at Papa Ginos for a month or so now, and the new cash flow was the greatest thing ever. It gave us a few dollars to do things we actually wanted to do. Man, was that cool! September came, you went back to school. That was odd for me, and I'm assuming it was the same for you. Not having to get up and go every morning was weird for me, but I'm sure that for you not seeing my goofy self standing outside your class, or walking you to class, or just being in the building in general for you must have been odd (again, just going out on a limb here =P). I think, if I'm right, that was the only major thing that happened. October came, and we had fun with Halloween. We carved pumpkins, we went on Hay rides, we had a fun couple days that stick out. Overall, another generally fun month. November came, and this was both up and down for us (notice how the memories are becoming a little more detailed towards the end of the year, I think my memory is starting to die out on me..-.-)but we got through them. We had Ani up first rather early in the month, I think it was the 10th? Not positive, I'll consult my jar of air later (mind you, that was such an awesome present!). The concert was weird for me, because I wasn't in my own skin there, I really stuck out. But, nonetheless, I attempted to mix in and have a blast with you. You can read the entry that's either down the page a bit or on the next one about what I thought about it. It really was a rather mind-opening experience. That and it was our first major adventure to a place I'd never really been, can't really say the same for you cause you've been there a few times, but man it was an ordeal eh? We've both come to the conclusion I'm not that great of a driver under pressure (queue the David Bowie music) in unfamiliar territory, but we got there. A week later you had your surgery to get rid of the lumps that were located in your boobs. I know that had more of an impact of you than me for obvious reasons, but you know I was worried as well. It wasn't a life-threatening surgery and it was "simple" I was still scared. I can remember sitting on your couch seeing you doped out on painkillers and what not going "DOOD! That's a funny word" - "Dude is a funny word" - "No, not dude. DOOD! Doodey. heheheh". Man, you were a freakin' space cadet that night. I found much humor in it, but I was just glad it was over. A week later we had another concert to goto, but this time I fit in a bit better as it was to see Silverstein. It was a great concert, I just wish I could have done a bit more to hold the crowd off you went they opened up playing My Sword Vs. Your Dagger. Nonetheless I still had an amazing time. I can't apologize enough for losing your hoodie during the mosh pits in the It Dies Today set, but I hope you understand I was very sorry for that. I stayed behind, as you already knew, to find it, which also already known, I did find it. I also got a guitar pick and a drumstick from the band members. I threw the drumstick to the kids in the crowd, but I gave you both the hoodie and the pick. I remember coming out to the car seeing you crying cuddling yourself in my hoodie listening to Call It Karma when I gave you your stuff back (after throwing it at the windshield infront of you which I'll admit was a little rash of me and rather obxious just to name a few) and you leaned over and squeezed me half to death. I hope you could see that I was sorry for that and that I was going to do what it took to find it and make it better. The rest of November passed, and December came. The beginning of December is always a good time for us, and hopefully it will b e for many years to come as it holds our Anniversary. This year we celebrated two wonderful years together, and even though I'm sure it was a great night I wish I had done more romantic things and all that stuff like you already knew. Dinner rocked. Goten is by far one of the best places I've eaten in recent memory. The night was also amazing, but that's history, and also none of anyone elses business but ours ;) The rest of December was rough, not so much for us, or even me personally, but you. I'm not going to say anything about that, as it's honestly not my place to speak on, but through it all (even though some of it is still ongoing) I will be here, I will not leave your side and I'm here for your support both mentally and emotionally until you feel you don't want me around anymore or that I cannot contribute to your life in a positive aspect anymore.
We've spent another amazing year together, and as today winds down without the promise of seeing you I'll be gloomy, of course. I was thankful to have my Pook back for Christmas, and even though your return was short-lived we know, all of us (your family, myself, and anyone else who knows) that this is for the best.
I'm going to try and call you tomorrow, I know it won't be the same as actually spending the New Year with you, I will call, both Sunday night after 5pm when I get out of work, so probably about 6pm, and Monday after 8pm cause I have work, so probably about 830pm. Tuesday seems to be the day I'll be coming to visit you, er. Let's re-phrase that, I'll be in the same building as you. Whether they'll let me visit you or not is another story, but I'm going to attempt to pop in and steal a hug and a kiss, as well as drop off some...gifts you're not expecting :)
In theory, of course this is a theory because this it the best-case scenario set of events happening and what-not, your next return would be a week from your last admittal, which would have been last Friday, meaning that you could be coming home Friday. Although you seem to think you won't be, and if you're not going to be that's completely ok. It'd be selfish for me to get mad about that, so I'm not going to. I'll attempt to visting Saturday and Sunday if it's possible, unfortunatly I don't think I'm allowed to go with your mother (that and if I came up two days in a row and the wrong people saw us they'd think either A] we were a very odd brother/sister combination, or B] they'd put together that I was your boyfriend)so my visitation schedule is really limited to what she can do. I know she starts her job with Gale Candaras(sorry about the possible mis-spelling)this Wenesday that's coming up, but I do remember her mentioning she'd only be working 20-25 hours a week, which would put it at like 4-5 hours a day or a couple longs days every other day type thing you know what I mean? I know your mom is if-y about the whole thing because of how hard it was to find it the first time we had to and her car being old and all that sort of thing, but I'm sure if I offer to drive that will bribe her easily. I'm going to try to come up at least twice, possibly three times (this provided that the first few times go off without a hitch), but that all goes based around my work schedule and what-not. I'm sure that everything will be fine.
I started writing this an hour ago, man that's mildly pathetic. I was briefly sidetracked by the fact Saw was on HBO and then I had another distraction called Bit Torrent cause some more CD's crossed my mind that I should download, so I did.
Alright though, I'm sure that you will never read this or you will and be like "what the fuck is this dude on" but incase you do want to read it I'm going to cut it now. It's 3am I've got work from 12pm-5pm, not a huge shift. I'll hopefully be talking to you and have another random emotional spurge to write about as well as possibly a more in-depth end of the year entry. That, and I'll throw out my New Year's Resolutions, I've got a few. So for now, I'm going to go. I love you. <3