Crossing the Rift: Affairs of Cardiff and the Kawoosh - Chapter 12
Title: Crossing the Rift: Affairs of Cardiff and the Kawoosh - Chapter 12
Author: sinisterx18
Rating: PG-13
Crack!Pairings: Capt. Jack H./Daniel Jackson, Col. Jack O./Ianto Jones, Teal'c/OC, Owen Harper/Anise
Final Pairings: Capt. Jack H./Ianto Jones, Col. Jack O./Samantha Carter
Warnings: Spoilers for TW season 1 and SG-1 through season 4. Also massive amounts of crack.
Summary: Simultaneous accidents bring Torchwood and SG-1 together, but their attempts to fix the problem brings them together in ways they never expected.
AN: This chapter gets back to the plot and the slightly longer chapter lengths. Also, lots of mocking Capt. Jack Harkness, so always a plus. If you missed Chapter 1, you can read it here.
By the time Colonel O'Neill and Ianto made it down to the briefing room, Dr. Lee was already most of the way through explaining to General Hammond and Major Davis what he thought was wrong with the button. Jack was thankful to have missed the boring parts, and Ianto was thankful that he wouldn't have to sit next to a bored Jack in a briefing again.
Hammond was less happy. O'Neill was very late (and perhaps even a tad dishevelled), as was Jones. He couldn't find the woman with the teeth, or the oddly fish-like man. He sighed and looked around. At least Anise hadn't shown up either.
An uncertain Lee turned to Hammond, "Should I start over?"
Major Davis shot a panicked look towards the General, who almost put his head down on the table in defeat. Not managing to suppress a long-suffering sigh, Hammond replied, "No, Doctor, please just continue."
"All right, sir. Anyway, as I was saying, The button's power supply seems to have been disrupted due to the... incident. I have been unable to remove the casing to verify this is the problem and hook up a new power source."
"If you can't open it, how do you know what's wrong with it?" asked Jack.
"It's not longer emitting a low EM field, Colonel. So what I need to figure out is how to power it without being able to attach a power source..."
Ianto cleared his throat. He couldn't believe he was about to suggest this, but if it could help get everybody back in the right place he was all for it.
The other Jack was looking up and down the dark streets of Cardiff. Through the well-lit windows of a familiar coffee shop, he could see the man he had been snogging earlier that night saying goodbye to three people that he didn't know.
The Captain took a step back into the shadows as Daniel exited the cafe and started walking purposefully down the road. Subtly, Jack followed him.
Years of working in secrecy had honed Jack's natural ability for stealth. He measured, automatically, just how far he had to stay behind Daniel to avoid being noticed. He avoided the pools of light glowing from the shops and the streetlamps, threatening to expose him. He kept his footsteps soft, silent secrets in the sunless streets.
Daniel stopped suddenly, forcing Jack to quickly reevaluate his course. He glanced around, his sharp eyes cataloging the area for a place to hide should the younger man turn around.
The younger man turned around.
"Jack?" he asked. "Is that you?"
The Captain froze, his mind whirling, swiftly going over ever-possible responses to this unexpected turn of events, laying out plans and reactions by the dozen.
"No."
He couldn't be sure, but he thought that Daniel might be rolling his eyes.
"What are you doing?" the archaeologist demanded.
Jack didn't reply.
"Are you trying to sneak up on me or something?" His voice was tinged with suspicion.
"No..."
Daniel sighed. "Well, whatever you're doing, knock it off. I have to get to that bar we went to before, for reasons too complicated and bizarre to go into right now."
Jack jumped at the opportunity. "I can lead you there," he offered in his most charming voice, stepping into a pool of light under a streetlamp so Daniel could better see his wide, bright grin. Jack Harkness brushed his teeth after every meal.
If he was at all impressed, Daniel showed no sign of it. "Great," he replied briskly. "Let's go."
Teal'c quickly discovered that, besides singing, Lilena had a multitidue of other talents that she wanted to demonstrate. After finishing a very, very, very long ballad, she had moved on to doing tricks with a yo-yo. Then, following what appaeared to be the natural succession for Earth dating rituals, she had produced a unicycle from somewhere and ridden in circles around the pool table, much to the anoyance of the two women who had been, in Col. Carter's words, "kicking ass".
Apparently, their analysis of the human game did not include the distraction of a woman juggling and balancing on a one-wheeled contraption. Teal'c was unsure of its purpose, but he suspected that the designer of the six-foot high, pink, unicorn-covered death-trap had nefarious intent.
Lilena was just about to explain (and probably demonstrate) to Teal'c what it meant to "yodel" when the door to the pub burst open. As it generally happens in pubs that aren't being affected by existing only in the minds of melodramatic fanfiction writers, no one fell silent at the interruption, although Teal'c did look up, half-heartedly wondering if maybe an attack of some sort would be less disturbing than the impending talent show.
Fortunately for him, the interruption was not an attack, but equally preventative. Jack Harkness crossed the room, managing to be simultaneously purposeful and flamboyant. Daniel Jackson was following him, looking exasperated.
"Daniel!" exclaimed Sam. "Hi."
He looked at her urgently. "Sam, I think I found a way home."
Sam put down her pool cue. "Besides the button?" she asked.
"Yes, besides the button," he replied impatiently. "There's a person we're supposed to take with us when we switch universes next. Her name's Anne Summers."
Over by the bar, Lilena jumped to her feet. "We must find this person and ensure that he or she is within our vicinity when you transfer to the other universe so that she may return you all to your own homes. I will assist you with all of my all of my considerable powers."
Daniel gave her a quizzical look. "Who are you?"
"I'm Lilena!" she introduced herself. "Teal'c magical date."
"Oh!" Daniel's expression would have been comical, if it wasn't... no, no, it was comical. Very much so. "Lilena, you're..." at this point, however, the sense of tact that he so often forgot he had kicked in. "Will you excuse us for a minute?"
Lilena nodded and happily went off to entertain an innocent bystander another lucky patron, while the rest of the gang gathered closer to Jack and Daniel.
"What's going on?" Tosh asked, directing the question mostly towards her leader. He shrugged.
"No idea."
At this point, Daniel was practically bouncing on his toes trying to explain. "There was this guy," he told them, "well, two guys and a girl."
Jack waggled his eyebrows. "Ohhhh..."
"No!" Daniel protested. "Not like that. Well, maybe, I don't know. But it's not important. Anyways, they said they were from the future, and they wanted to give us guidance so that we could get back to our own universes, well, so Sam and Teal'c and I could get back to our universe and Ianto and Gwen and Fish... Owen, I mean Owen, could come back here. And they said that there was someone who could help us, because of magic, well, they probably meant some sort of technology that looks like magic because there's no such thing as magic, and her name was Anne Summers but they said that she thought she was magic and that her name was Lilena because she was also crazy."
He paused to take a breath and noticed that everyone was staring at him. "What?"
"Does he always go on like that?" Tosh asked Sam.
She shrugged. "Not really, usually the Colonel stops him. Daniel, what makes you think that these people are trustworthy?"
"Oh." Daniel looked confused. Apparently, he had been too drunk to think of that. "I guess I don't really know, but they seemed to have a point." He wasn't sure if that made sense or not. (For the record, if you're too tired, drunk, high, or stupid to tell, it didn't, really.)
Sam sighed. "Daniel..." she began.
But Jack, not her Jack, but the strange Jack who had been leering at Daniel all night interrupted her. "That's great!" he exclaimed. "We'll have to take her back with us to the Hub."
Teal'c quirked an eyebrow at him. "Captain Jack Harkness, do you not have the security and secrecy of your base to safeguard?"
The Captain shrugged. "Eh, she'll keep quiet about it. People we let in usually do." And with that, he pranced off purposely, intent on finding the car.
Sam looked at Tosh. "Do you often do stuff like this?" she asked.
Tosh shrugged. "It keeps him happy to think we're still a secret organization. Between us and the Rift, no one's really buying it any more."
Chapter 13
Author: sinisterx18
Rating: PG-13
Crack!Pairings: Capt. Jack H./Daniel Jackson, Col. Jack O./Ianto Jones, Teal'c/OC, Owen Harper/Anise
Final Pairings: Capt. Jack H./Ianto Jones, Col. Jack O./Samantha Carter
Warnings: Spoilers for TW season 1 and SG-1 through season 4. Also massive amounts of crack.
Summary: Simultaneous accidents bring Torchwood and SG-1 together, but their attempts to fix the problem brings them together in ways they never expected.
AN: This chapter gets back to the plot and the slightly longer chapter lengths. Also, lots of mocking Capt. Jack Harkness, so always a plus. If you missed Chapter 1, you can read it here.
By the time Colonel O'Neill and Ianto made it down to the briefing room, Dr. Lee was already most of the way through explaining to General Hammond and Major Davis what he thought was wrong with the button. Jack was thankful to have missed the boring parts, and Ianto was thankful that he wouldn't have to sit next to a bored Jack in a briefing again.
Hammond was less happy. O'Neill was very late (and perhaps even a tad dishevelled), as was Jones. He couldn't find the woman with the teeth, or the oddly fish-like man. He sighed and looked around. At least Anise hadn't shown up either.
An uncertain Lee turned to Hammond, "Should I start over?"
Major Davis shot a panicked look towards the General, who almost put his head down on the table in defeat. Not managing to suppress a long-suffering sigh, Hammond replied, "No, Doctor, please just continue."
"All right, sir. Anyway, as I was saying, The button's power supply seems to have been disrupted due to the... incident. I have been unable to remove the casing to verify this is the problem and hook up a new power source."
"If you can't open it, how do you know what's wrong with it?" asked Jack.
"It's not longer emitting a low EM field, Colonel. So what I need to figure out is how to power it without being able to attach a power source..."
Ianto cleared his throat. He couldn't believe he was about to suggest this, but if it could help get everybody back in the right place he was all for it.
The other Jack was looking up and down the dark streets of Cardiff. Through the well-lit windows of a familiar coffee shop, he could see the man he had been snogging earlier that night saying goodbye to three people that he didn't know.
The Captain took a step back into the shadows as Daniel exited the cafe and started walking purposefully down the road. Subtly, Jack followed him.
Years of working in secrecy had honed Jack's natural ability for stealth. He measured, automatically, just how far he had to stay behind Daniel to avoid being noticed. He avoided the pools of light glowing from the shops and the streetlamps, threatening to expose him. He kept his footsteps soft, silent secrets in the sunless streets.
Daniel stopped suddenly, forcing Jack to quickly reevaluate his course. He glanced around, his sharp eyes cataloging the area for a place to hide should the younger man turn around.
The younger man turned around.
"Jack?" he asked. "Is that you?"
The Captain froze, his mind whirling, swiftly going over ever-possible responses to this unexpected turn of events, laying out plans and reactions by the dozen.
"No."
He couldn't be sure, but he thought that Daniel might be rolling his eyes.
"What are you doing?" the archaeologist demanded.
Jack didn't reply.
"Are you trying to sneak up on me or something?" His voice was tinged with suspicion.
"No..."
Daniel sighed. "Well, whatever you're doing, knock it off. I have to get to that bar we went to before, for reasons too complicated and bizarre to go into right now."
Jack jumped at the opportunity. "I can lead you there," he offered in his most charming voice, stepping into a pool of light under a streetlamp so Daniel could better see his wide, bright grin. Jack Harkness brushed his teeth after every meal.
If he was at all impressed, Daniel showed no sign of it. "Great," he replied briskly. "Let's go."
Teal'c quickly discovered that, besides singing, Lilena had a multitidue of other talents that she wanted to demonstrate. After finishing a very, very, very long ballad, she had moved on to doing tricks with a yo-yo. Then, following what appaeared to be the natural succession for Earth dating rituals, she had produced a unicycle from somewhere and ridden in circles around the pool table, much to the anoyance of the two women who had been, in Col. Carter's words, "kicking ass".
Apparently, their analysis of the human game did not include the distraction of a woman juggling and balancing on a one-wheeled contraption. Teal'c was unsure of its purpose, but he suspected that the designer of the six-foot high, pink, unicorn-covered death-trap had nefarious intent.
Lilena was just about to explain (and probably demonstrate) to Teal'c what it meant to "yodel" when the door to the pub burst open. As it generally happens in pubs that aren't being affected by existing only in the minds of melodramatic fanfiction writers, no one fell silent at the interruption, although Teal'c did look up, half-heartedly wondering if maybe an attack of some sort would be less disturbing than the impending talent show.
Fortunately for him, the interruption was not an attack, but equally preventative. Jack Harkness crossed the room, managing to be simultaneously purposeful and flamboyant. Daniel Jackson was following him, looking exasperated.
"Daniel!" exclaimed Sam. "Hi."
He looked at her urgently. "Sam, I think I found a way home."
Sam put down her pool cue. "Besides the button?" she asked.
"Yes, besides the button," he replied impatiently. "There's a person we're supposed to take with us when we switch universes next. Her name's Anne Summers."
Over by the bar, Lilena jumped to her feet. "We must find this person and ensure that he or she is within our vicinity when you transfer to the other universe so that she may return you all to your own homes. I will assist you with all of my all of my considerable powers."
Daniel gave her a quizzical look. "Who are you?"
"I'm Lilena!" she introduced herself. "Teal'c magical date."
"Oh!" Daniel's expression would have been comical, if it wasn't... no, no, it was comical. Very much so. "Lilena, you're..." at this point, however, the sense of tact that he so often forgot he had kicked in. "Will you excuse us for a minute?"
Lilena nodded and happily went off to entertain an innocent bystander another lucky patron, while the rest of the gang gathered closer to Jack and Daniel.
"What's going on?" Tosh asked, directing the question mostly towards her leader. He shrugged.
"No idea."
At this point, Daniel was practically bouncing on his toes trying to explain. "There was this guy," he told them, "well, two guys and a girl."
Jack waggled his eyebrows. "Ohhhh..."
"No!" Daniel protested. "Not like that. Well, maybe, I don't know. But it's not important. Anyways, they said they were from the future, and they wanted to give us guidance so that we could get back to our own universes, well, so Sam and Teal'c and I could get back to our universe and Ianto and Gwen and Fish... Owen, I mean Owen, could come back here. And they said that there was someone who could help us, because of magic, well, they probably meant some sort of technology that looks like magic because there's no such thing as magic, and her name was Anne Summers but they said that she thought she was magic and that her name was Lilena because she was also crazy."
He paused to take a breath and noticed that everyone was staring at him. "What?"
"Does he always go on like that?" Tosh asked Sam.
She shrugged. "Not really, usually the Colonel stops him. Daniel, what makes you think that these people are trustworthy?"
"Oh." Daniel looked confused. Apparently, he had been too drunk to think of that. "I guess I don't really know, but they seemed to have a point." He wasn't sure if that made sense or not. (For the record, if you're too tired, drunk, high, or stupid to tell, it didn't, really.)
Sam sighed. "Daniel..." she began.
But Jack, not her Jack, but the strange Jack who had been leering at Daniel all night interrupted her. "That's great!" he exclaimed. "We'll have to take her back with us to the Hub."
Teal'c quirked an eyebrow at him. "Captain Jack Harkness, do you not have the security and secrecy of your base to safeguard?"
The Captain shrugged. "Eh, she'll keep quiet about it. People we let in usually do." And with that, he pranced off purposely, intent on finding the car.
Sam looked at Tosh. "Do you often do stuff like this?" she asked.
Tosh shrugged. "It keeps him happy to think we're still a secret organization. Between us and the Rift, no one's really buying it any more."
Chapter 13