Crossing the Rift: Affairs of Cardiff and the Kawoosh - Chapter 8
Title: Crossing the Rift: Affairs of Cardiff and the Kawoosh - Chapter 8
Author: sinisterx18
Rating: PG-13
Crack!Pairings: Capt. Jack H./Daniel Jackson, Col. Jack O./Ianto Jones, Teal'c/OC, Owen Harper/Anise
Final Pairings: Capt. Jack H./Ianto Jones, Col. Jack O./Samantha Carter
Warnings: Spoilers for TW season 1 and SG-1 through season 4. Also massive amounts of crack.
Summary: Simultaneous accidents bring Torchwood and SG-1 together, but their attempts to fix the problem brings them together in ways they never expected.
AN: This is my favorite chapter. The first section actually deals with the plot. The second section is pure crackfic. They go together beautifully. If you missed Chapter 1, you can read it here.
Once Daniel had made it to the Plass, he realized it was dark, cold, Wales (and by Wales I mean raining), and he had very little idea of where he was headed. Fortunately, Daniel caught a whiff of a very familiar aroma: coffee. Deciding that he really ought to try to sober up so he wouldn't have any more unexpected make-out sessions with strange men, Daniel followed his nose into a small, cheery, brightly-lit café.
Daniel wandered in, not bothering to question why a café was open at the time of night usually associated with dates, playing pool in pubs, and drunken snogging.
"Here's your coffee, Andy," the barista said to a man in an obnoxiously designed police uniform.
"Thanks, Jonas," Andy waved as he headed out the door.
Turning to Daniel, the over enthusiastic barista asked, "What can I get for you?"
Somewhat startled after being momentarily distracted by a fish tank that was inexplicably in the café, Daniel turned his attention to Jonas the barista.
"Uh, the largest size you sell, black, with three shots."
"You're not planning on sleeping then, yeah?"
"No, no," Daniel tried to assure the incredulous barista, "this is my usual nightcap."
Deciding not to further question the coffee addict before him, Jonas turned to his favorite topic: the weather. "Did you know the meteorologists are predicting rain tomorrow? And there'll be some fog until about midday."
"Isn't that usual for Cardiff this time of year?" Why anyone would be surprised about rain in Wales was beyond Daniel. But, he thought, maybe the hyperactive man before him knew something that was escaping his tipsy caffeine-deprived brain.
"Not especially," Jonas handed Daniel his coffee. "But I just find it so astounding they can predict the weather!"
"Jonas, no one finds that impressive but you. Now stop bugging the poor man about the weather," said a female patron sitting alone next to the windows.
After a sip (gulp) of coffee, Daniel took a look at the woman. "Hey, I saw you the other day!"
Daniel, following all of his wonderful instincts about danger, first contact and people, promptly sat down across from her.
Playing with a pigtail, she declared that she had been watching him because he was "just her type."
Daniel was finally alert enough from guzzling to be at least mildly frightened, nevertheless cautiously extended his hand. "My name's Daniel."
"Vala, Vala Mal Doran."
Daniel cocked his head, "Do you live up to your name?"
"Huh?"
"Vala Mal Doran. It's an anagram of 'amoral vandal'."
Vala just smiled a very toothy smile and winked. She then got an excited look on her face (as opposed to an excited look on someone else's face) and asked, "Have you had sex with that wonderful man in that glorious coat yet?"
Choking on his coffee and blushing like there was no tomorrow, Daniel managed to splutter "What!?!?"
Vala licked her lips and gazed hungrily at Daniel. "He's so gorgeous, and you're so handsome. You'd just make the perfect couple..." She trailed off and looked guiltily at a spot a few feet above Daniel's shoulder.
"So," a male voice with a slight Southern drawl corresponding to the spot Vala was staring at began, "Anything you two wanna tell me?'
"Oh! No! Uh, no." The normally verbose Daniel was having trouble with sentences what with that whole still half-chocking on coffee problem combined with being so embarrassed he wouldn't mind dying (again).
But Vala just grinned and scooted over so that the stranger could sit down next to her. "Hey, Cam," she grinned. "This is Daniel."
The Southerner -Cam, as you might be able to guess- looked between them curiously. "Isn't this the guy you were stalking earlier?" he asked.
Daniel spluttered again. Vala just laughed.
"Cameron Mitchell," Cam introduced himself, holding out his hand. "We haven't met yet."
"No, we haven't," Daniel replied, blinking. "But we're meeting now."
He wondered why this odd man felt the need to point this out. Daniel's half-drunken musings, however, were broken by Mitchell's yelp.
"Ow!" exclaimed the other man. "What was that for?" he was looking right at Vala.
"Don't tell him that," she hissed. "He doesn't know that he doesn't know you!"
Daniel looked at her in confusion. "I know that I don't know him. But now I do know him, so I don't know that I don't know him, because I know him."
For a moment, they all sat there quietly, trying to puzzle out whether that statement made any sense.
It was Jonas who interrupted the silence, leaning over the counter. "We're from the future!"
Vala threw several sugar packets at him. "Shut up, Jonas!" she snapped. "You can't tell him that, either."
"Man, we can't tell him anything. Why are we even talking to him?" complained Mitchell.
"The future?" asked Daniel. "Why?"
That struck him as the wrong question for this situation, but no one seemed inclined to answer anyway.
"We were... kidding," Vala excused herself. "And we're offering him guidance." This last comment was directed towards Mitchell.
"Guidance?" Daniel wondered if that would make more sense if he was less drunk. "Do I need guidance?"
Mitchell sighed. "You're in another universe, Jackson," he pointed out. "You have to get home somehow, don't you?"
"Well, yes," Daniel replied. "Wait. Did I tell you my last name?"
Mitchell glanced at Vala, who rolled her eyes. "Yes," he said.
"Oh, OK." Daniel really didn't want to get into this.
"You have to bring Anne Summers with you next time you switch universes." Vala finally got around to answering Daniel's more pertinent question.
"And how am I supposed to find Anne Summers? This isn't my universe, you know."
"Actually," Jonas butted in, "she's already found you!"
It was Mitchell's turn to roll his eyes. "She's dating Teal'c. Only, she thinks she's a magical magic-person named Lilena."
Daniel choked on his coffee again. It was a good thing his cup was almost empty, or he'd probably die (again). "Why?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer badly enough to keep talking to these people.
"Because she's crazy!" Jonas had appeared behind him with a refill and startled Daniel into pouring the remainder of his coffee on Mitchell.
Mitchell and Vala shared another look of exasperation.
Jack didn't appreciate being rejected. He did, however, appreciate brooding on roofs. The higher the better. That way he could see all of what he was protecting (he sometimes imagined he could see all of Earth, laid out beneath his feet). That way he could look up at the stars and pretend it wasn't his job to save Cardiff/the world and he could go back to gallivanting across the universe. That way he could get some quiet (water towers are not the best decorating choice in that regard), some fresh air, and no one was brave or stupid enough to follow him.
Jack didn't want to talk to anybody. Not even to save the world or buy a pair of socks. What had happened with Daniel was common enough, but after losing most of his team to another universe... Jack just wanted some quality time to angst.
He stared at the horizon, willing himself not to think and vowing not to budge until the sun came up.
What would he tell Rhys if he couldn't get Gwen back? What would become of Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c if they couldn't get back? What would he tell Tosh if he couldn't get Owen back? What would he do if he couldn't get Ianto back?
A loud thud behind him shook Jack out of his gloomy and self-berating thoughts.
"Hey!" a cute guy with spiky hair greeted Jack. "I'm John, John Sheppard."
Jack blinked a few times, then regained his bearings. "Captain Jack Harkness," he introduced himself with his 100-watt grin.
"I know why I'm on a roof," Sheppard stopped unharnessing himself long enough to gesture to his parachute. "What are you up here for?"
"Thinking," was Jack's honest reply. He thought about asking the man why he was parachuting onto the roof of the Millennium Centre, but then realized he didn't really feel like caring why hot guys were parachuting in.
"Well," Sheppard began, "this roof would be great for a game of hopscotch. The tiles are all perfectly lined up for it!"
Jack sighed. Things were not going the way they were supposed to. Not that they ever did, but at least they were semi-predictable. He didn't even know what was going on anymore. Figuring it was best to just roll with it for the time being, Jack went along.
Chapter 9
Author: sinisterx18
Rating: PG-13
Crack!Pairings: Capt. Jack H./Daniel Jackson, Col. Jack O./Ianto Jones, Teal'c/OC, Owen Harper/Anise
Final Pairings: Capt. Jack H./Ianto Jones, Col. Jack O./Samantha Carter
Warnings: Spoilers for TW season 1 and SG-1 through season 4. Also massive amounts of crack.
Summary: Simultaneous accidents bring Torchwood and SG-1 together, but their attempts to fix the problem brings them together in ways they never expected.
AN: This is my favorite chapter. The first section actually deals with the plot. The second section is pure crackfic. They go together beautifully. If you missed Chapter 1, you can read it here.
Once Daniel had made it to the Plass, he realized it was dark, cold, Wales (and by Wales I mean raining), and he had very little idea of where he was headed. Fortunately, Daniel caught a whiff of a very familiar aroma: coffee. Deciding that he really ought to try to sober up so he wouldn't have any more unexpected make-out sessions with strange men, Daniel followed his nose into a small, cheery, brightly-lit café.
Daniel wandered in, not bothering to question why a café was open at the time of night usually associated with dates, playing pool in pubs, and drunken snogging.
"Here's your coffee, Andy," the barista said to a man in an obnoxiously designed police uniform.
"Thanks, Jonas," Andy waved as he headed out the door.
Turning to Daniel, the over enthusiastic barista asked, "What can I get for you?"
Somewhat startled after being momentarily distracted by a fish tank that was inexplicably in the café, Daniel turned his attention to Jonas the barista.
"Uh, the largest size you sell, black, with three shots."
"You're not planning on sleeping then, yeah?"
"No, no," Daniel tried to assure the incredulous barista, "this is my usual nightcap."
Deciding not to further question the coffee addict before him, Jonas turned to his favorite topic: the weather. "Did you know the meteorologists are predicting rain tomorrow? And there'll be some fog until about midday."
"Isn't that usual for Cardiff this time of year?" Why anyone would be surprised about rain in Wales was beyond Daniel. But, he thought, maybe the hyperactive man before him knew something that was escaping his tipsy caffeine-deprived brain.
"Not especially," Jonas handed Daniel his coffee. "But I just find it so astounding they can predict the weather!"
"Jonas, no one finds that impressive but you. Now stop bugging the poor man about the weather," said a female patron sitting alone next to the windows.
After a sip (gulp) of coffee, Daniel took a look at the woman. "Hey, I saw you the other day!"
Daniel, following all of his wonderful instincts about danger, first contact and people, promptly sat down across from her.
Playing with a pigtail, she declared that she had been watching him because he was "just her type."
Daniel was finally alert enough from guzzling to be at least mildly frightened, nevertheless cautiously extended his hand. "My name's Daniel."
"Vala, Vala Mal Doran."
Daniel cocked his head, "Do you live up to your name?"
"Huh?"
"Vala Mal Doran. It's an anagram of 'amoral vandal'."
Vala just smiled a very toothy smile and winked. She then got an excited look on her face (as opposed to an excited look on someone else's face) and asked, "Have you had sex with that wonderful man in that glorious coat yet?"
Choking on his coffee and blushing like there was no tomorrow, Daniel managed to splutter "What!?!?"
Vala licked her lips and gazed hungrily at Daniel. "He's so gorgeous, and you're so handsome. You'd just make the perfect couple..." She trailed off and looked guiltily at a spot a few feet above Daniel's shoulder.
"So," a male voice with a slight Southern drawl corresponding to the spot Vala was staring at began, "Anything you two wanna tell me?'
"Oh! No! Uh, no." The normally verbose Daniel was having trouble with sentences what with that whole still half-chocking on coffee problem combined with being so embarrassed he wouldn't mind dying (again).
But Vala just grinned and scooted over so that the stranger could sit down next to her. "Hey, Cam," she grinned. "This is Daniel."
The Southerner -Cam, as you might be able to guess- looked between them curiously. "Isn't this the guy you were stalking earlier?" he asked.
Daniel spluttered again. Vala just laughed.
"Cameron Mitchell," Cam introduced himself, holding out his hand. "We haven't met yet."
"No, we haven't," Daniel replied, blinking. "But we're meeting now."
He wondered why this odd man felt the need to point this out. Daniel's half-drunken musings, however, were broken by Mitchell's yelp.
"Ow!" exclaimed the other man. "What was that for?" he was looking right at Vala.
"Don't tell him that," she hissed. "He doesn't know that he doesn't know you!"
Daniel looked at her in confusion. "I know that I don't know him. But now I do know him, so I don't know that I don't know him, because I know him."
For a moment, they all sat there quietly, trying to puzzle out whether that statement made any sense.
It was Jonas who interrupted the silence, leaning over the counter. "We're from the future!"
Vala threw several sugar packets at him. "Shut up, Jonas!" she snapped. "You can't tell him that, either."
"Man, we can't tell him anything. Why are we even talking to him?" complained Mitchell.
"The future?" asked Daniel. "Why?"
That struck him as the wrong question for this situation, but no one seemed inclined to answer anyway.
"We were... kidding," Vala excused herself. "And we're offering him guidance." This last comment was directed towards Mitchell.
"Guidance?" Daniel wondered if that would make more sense if he was less drunk. "Do I need guidance?"
Mitchell sighed. "You're in another universe, Jackson," he pointed out. "You have to get home somehow, don't you?"
"Well, yes," Daniel replied. "Wait. Did I tell you my last name?"
Mitchell glanced at Vala, who rolled her eyes. "Yes," he said.
"Oh, OK." Daniel really didn't want to get into this.
"You have to bring Anne Summers with you next time you switch universes." Vala finally got around to answering Daniel's more pertinent question.
"And how am I supposed to find Anne Summers? This isn't my universe, you know."
"Actually," Jonas butted in, "she's already found you!"
It was Mitchell's turn to roll his eyes. "She's dating Teal'c. Only, she thinks she's a magical magic-person named Lilena."
Daniel choked on his coffee again. It was a good thing his cup was almost empty, or he'd probably die (again). "Why?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer badly enough to keep talking to these people.
"Because she's crazy!" Jonas had appeared behind him with a refill and startled Daniel into pouring the remainder of his coffee on Mitchell.
Mitchell and Vala shared another look of exasperation.
Jack didn't appreciate being rejected. He did, however, appreciate brooding on roofs. The higher the better. That way he could see all of what he was protecting (he sometimes imagined he could see all of Earth, laid out beneath his feet). That way he could look up at the stars and pretend it wasn't his job to save Cardiff/the world and he could go back to gallivanting across the universe. That way he could get some quiet (water towers are not the best decorating choice in that regard), some fresh air, and no one was brave or stupid enough to follow him.
Jack didn't want to talk to anybody. Not even to save the world or buy a pair of socks. What had happened with Daniel was common enough, but after losing most of his team to another universe... Jack just wanted some quality time to angst.
He stared at the horizon, willing himself not to think and vowing not to budge until the sun came up.
What would he tell Rhys if he couldn't get Gwen back? What would become of Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c if they couldn't get back? What would he tell Tosh if he couldn't get Owen back? What would he do if he couldn't get Ianto back?
A loud thud behind him shook Jack out of his gloomy and self-berating thoughts.
"Hey!" a cute guy with spiky hair greeted Jack. "I'm John, John Sheppard."
Jack blinked a few times, then regained his bearings. "Captain Jack Harkness," he introduced himself with his 100-watt grin.
"I know why I'm on a roof," Sheppard stopped unharnessing himself long enough to gesture to his parachute. "What are you up here for?"
"Thinking," was Jack's honest reply. He thought about asking the man why he was parachuting onto the roof of the Millennium Centre, but then realized he didn't really feel like caring why hot guys were parachuting in.
"Well," Sheppard began, "this roof would be great for a game of hopscotch. The tiles are all perfectly lined up for it!"
Jack sighed. Things were not going the way they were supposed to. Not that they ever did, but at least they were semi-predictable. He didn't even know what was going on anymore. Figuring it was best to just roll with it for the time being, Jack went along.
Chapter 9