(no subject)
I've been up for 4 and a half hours. I had a dream. I don't know where to start, forgive me if i seem like i'm mumbeling, i'm trying to gather my words. Well...I had a nightmare. I haven't slept in three days. Last night when i finally got home I just went to my room and rested my head on my pillow. And my eyes were wide open. I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. Yesterday was a spit image of a year ago. All of a suden my eyes just snapped shut. That's where it began.
I got stuck in this horrible nightmare. But it wasn't even unreal to me. I was back at the same place. Everything was the same, only...a little different. As much as I've tried to forget it, and have done a pretty good job...I still remember every detail. Fuck having a memory chamber. I could still see how feirce his eyes were from a mile away. His words still peirced me like sharp needles in a voodoo doll.
His hands were still as angry as they ever were. And the hardest part about reliving that moment in this nightmare, would be the struggle. I'll never forget how much i struggled. It's like fighting for air under a pool cover. Never in my life have I been so strong, i think.
I woke up in tears, surprise surprise. I'm frightened, still. It was freezing in my room but my body was and is so disgustingly hot and covered with a nervous sweat. The strange thing was, I was hyperventilating like i was gasping for air...and my heart beat was going at such a fast speed as if I really had been running like i did in the dream.
So, now I sit here. 8 in the morning. I can't go back to sleep. So what do I do?
I'm going to isolate myself from everyone and everything. For those of you who know what happened yesterday...did I lie when I said I have no friends? I rest my case. I am not a liar.
I need to get away. Fuck I have no idea where to go.
Just a quicknote...if you want to talk,call me. If you're that worried,really....than call. I hate the internet, so i will refuse to talk about anything online. I have two new screen names too which i'm failing to mention for good reasons.
If you're still confused by this whole thing,call.That's the only way i'll settle it for you.
I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm hot. I can't breathe. I'm really lost. I'm confused. I'm regretful. I'm worried. I'm beat. And i'm nobody.
Well, I guess I'll stop writing now or else it would be far too long. If you read this, thanks. I know i probably didn't give you the empathy treatment because it's in words, but hopefully you have somewhat of an idea. Sorry to bug you. I need to curl up and die. No.
I need to sleep. But I can't. I wonder how much longer I could put it off until my body is too weak to take it...
I got stuck in this horrible nightmare. But it wasn't even unreal to me. I was back at the same place. Everything was the same, only...a little different. As much as I've tried to forget it, and have done a pretty good job...I still remember every detail. Fuck having a memory chamber. I could still see how feirce his eyes were from a mile away. His words still peirced me like sharp needles in a voodoo doll.
His hands were still as angry as they ever were. And the hardest part about reliving that moment in this nightmare, would be the struggle. I'll never forget how much i struggled. It's like fighting for air under a pool cover. Never in my life have I been so strong, i think.
I woke up in tears, surprise surprise. I'm frightened, still. It was freezing in my room but my body was and is so disgustingly hot and covered with a nervous sweat. The strange thing was, I was hyperventilating like i was gasping for air...and my heart beat was going at such a fast speed as if I really had been running like i did in the dream.
So, now I sit here. 8 in the morning. I can't go back to sleep. So what do I do?
I'm going to isolate myself from everyone and everything. For those of you who know what happened yesterday...did I lie when I said I have no friends? I rest my case. I am not a liar.
I need to get away. Fuck I have no idea where to go.
Just a quicknote...if you want to talk,call me. If you're that worried,really....than call. I hate the internet, so i will refuse to talk about anything online. I have two new screen names too which i'm failing to mention for good reasons.
If you're still confused by this whole thing,call.That's the only way i'll settle it for you.
I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm hot. I can't breathe. I'm really lost. I'm confused. I'm regretful. I'm worried. I'm beat. And i'm nobody.
Well, I guess I'll stop writing now or else it would be far too long. If you read this, thanks. I know i probably didn't give you the empathy treatment because it's in words, but hopefully you have somewhat of an idea. Sorry to bug you. I need to curl up and die. No.
I need to sleep. But I can't. I wonder how much longer I could put it off until my body is too weak to take it...