(no subject)
It is kind of ironic. I was just reading rachels post about her friends' passing. And meanwhile, in the last little while I have been thinking about Jasmine death a lot lately.
My daddy just got back from vegas two days ago and came to visit me on his way home. Anyone that knows my father would burst out laughing at the thought of my father some place like Vagas. My daddy is the sweetest redneck you would ever meet and knowing he was in such a forward, fast and sexual place makes me almost blush. Him and his sisters and his mum all went. Kinda like a family event.
When he popped in the visit me before heading the rest of the way home (I live 8 hours from them) he was emotional. In 20 years, I have seen my father cry three times. Once when our beloved dog got hit by a car, Once when I was thought to be dying at 15, and the last time, 4 years ago, when him and my mom split up.
Then he walked me into my room while David chatted up the sisters and stuff, and started tearing up while he hugged me. He said it is because he misses me so much. Also, he hasn't slept much, lol. I guess I can undertsand why, if that really was his reason, for tearing up. the last time I was this sick I amost died. It scares him. It would anyone. I think I am the only one who isn't. The only time I get scared is when I scare myself. Sometimes I have these overwheling urdge to down a bottle of pills or jump off a bridge; anything to end this constant pain. I'm too much of a coward to ever go through with it though. And too damns tubbron to give up.
But I think it was something more then that. I think the reason him and his sisters and mum went away is because it is like a last family trip. I don't think my grandma is well. I love her. She is a hard woman to love though. But I do. I am more sad at how destroyed this will make my daddy. i really don't want to see anyone pass.. My gut tells me that is why him and his family went for a family vacation and was so upset. but I am not sure. He didn't stress that I talk to grama more or make it a point to see her more..
Either way, I am going to work super hard and getting healthy so he doesn't have a reason to cry, and be as kind and loving to my grama incase her days are limited so that our last visit with eachother is beautiful.
I am trying not to, but I think I have already started to pre-prepare myself fopr her passing.. I just FEEL it..
If that happens, I will do whatever needs to be done to be as supportive as I can to my family. I hope she holds on though. I would love for her to meet a few more of her grandbabies; mine included in that.
My daddy just got back from vegas two days ago and came to visit me on his way home. Anyone that knows my father would burst out laughing at the thought of my father some place like Vagas. My daddy is the sweetest redneck you would ever meet and knowing he was in such a forward, fast and sexual place makes me almost blush. Him and his sisters and his mum all went. Kinda like a family event.
When he popped in the visit me before heading the rest of the way home (I live 8 hours from them) he was emotional. In 20 years, I have seen my father cry three times. Once when our beloved dog got hit by a car, Once when I was thought to be dying at 15, and the last time, 4 years ago, when him and my mom split up.
Then he walked me into my room while David chatted up the sisters and stuff, and started tearing up while he hugged me. He said it is because he misses me so much. Also, he hasn't slept much, lol. I guess I can undertsand why, if that really was his reason, for tearing up. the last time I was this sick I amost died. It scares him. It would anyone. I think I am the only one who isn't. The only time I get scared is when I scare myself. Sometimes I have these overwheling urdge to down a bottle of pills or jump off a bridge; anything to end this constant pain. I'm too much of a coward to ever go through with it though. And too damns tubbron to give up.
But I think it was something more then that. I think the reason him and his sisters and mum went away is because it is like a last family trip. I don't think my grandma is well. I love her. She is a hard woman to love though. But I do. I am more sad at how destroyed this will make my daddy. i really don't want to see anyone pass.. My gut tells me that is why him and his family went for a family vacation and was so upset. but I am not sure. He didn't stress that I talk to grama more or make it a point to see her more..
Either way, I am going to work super hard and getting healthy so he doesn't have a reason to cry, and be as kind and loving to my grama incase her days are limited so that our last visit with eachother is beautiful.
I am trying not to, but I think I have already started to pre-prepare myself fopr her passing.. I just FEEL it..
If that happens, I will do whatever needs to be done to be as supportive as I can to my family. I hope she holds on though. I would love for her to meet a few more of her grandbabies; mine included in that.