My life
Life is pretty crazy at the moment. Crazy good and crazy bad.
I think I will start with the bad and end on a good note.
My health over the last month and a half is getting worse. It feels odd saing that right now because it is finally sunny and warm here, and I am only in moderate pain. But I am honest and recap with myself, this last month and a half have been pretty miserable. Turns out that it is not my Thyroid that is causes me to start falling asleep after being awake for only five or so hours; needing 14 hours of sleep a night to function and waking with nausia and headaches every morning. As much as I would like to think I have grown used to always being in some sort of discomfort and pain, it is a lie. I am rather weak. I am good at talking a positive game when I am around people. But when I am alone, I can't ignore the pains and feelings of self loathing and self pitying. I have spent a lot of hours lately crying.
Something very sick occured to me. I think, in thelast month and a half, I have had two solid days where I have had *no* pains. During those two days I was paranoid that the pain would come at any moment, scared to let myself experience a pain-less day because allthe pain-filled days would be so much harder to endure. Isn't that horrible? I can't even let myself enjoy the times I am ok. In fact, I think I torture myself those days more then the pains could.
In short, and lacking long winded details, in the middle of May I am going to go to my parents for two solid weeks. In the meantime I have a week booked full of accupuncture and massage theropy to try and find something natural that will help. Pills and 'taking it easy' haven't worked, so lets try something new. My doctor 'strongly reccomended' that I go to the hospital (sp?) and they do an analysis on me. Not one of those Is She Crazy? tests. Though, I may be, lol. They just want to see if my mind is kind of attacking my body. Maybe I have some issues about myself or my past that I have that may be the problem. I, personlly, know my body very well. I don't think that is it. I had a year of sitting with a theropist and talking this out. It did help and I honesltly feel I have accepted it for what it is and made a life where those things do not harm me anymore. I still sit sometimes and cry for lost childhood and time with my parents. I only wish things had gone differently. Then again, I don't. I like where I am right now, even with all the weird, massive pains.
So, yes. 2 weeks with my parents. Parents = daddy and Kimmy. I think that because I was so sick and almost died at 15, they want to be there this time around, t take care of me. And I must admit, the idea sounds nice to me. I want to just be my dad and moms' daughter and let them help me, let them take care of me. Why do I find it so hard to allow that? I'll miss David Horribly though.
The Good Stuff;
David and I are doing really well in our company. We're going to make a new record, we hope, for the First Month Of Being Full Time. Which is, I think, doing 10by10. That is simply recruiting 10 people - which by the way is super hard because our company advertises word of mouth, and doing 10,000 in premium. So, getting 10 people on our team and David and I making 10 Grand this month. Right now, we have 7 people, and have made 4Grand. And, we have two weeks left. That'll be simple. We're putting people that've been there for 14 years to shame. Funny thing is, I didn't realise how damn competetive I am. I want to win. I want to make records no one though we could do.
As a result of this, not only are we making more money then we ever have (and this is only the first month!) But our company is rewarding us and seding us for an all expense paid trip to San Fransisco in August. I think it is 3 days. Also, they're having a company competition. Anyone that does 10by10 will get an all expense paid trip to New York City. Which, by the end of the month, we will have won.
This is a crazy company. They pay us crazy amounts of money and already only in our first month full time, we've won two trips.
What I like most about it, beyond anything though, is how much time I spend with David. How we're growing throughout this, how our names are known in our massive office, how we don't need to worry and stress over money any more, how soon we can help our parents, how this is what we really love to do.
The last thing is, at this rate David and I hope to beat a Primerica record: go RVP in 9 months. Which is pretty much, making 100K in 9 months. It's been done once. Which means we can do it. We will do it. Most people go RVP/100K in 2 years. But if it was done once in 9 months, we can do it.
I think despite my health, I feel wonderful. I love where we're at right now. A bonus is, we also got a free Palm (cell phone thing) from out Upline fo doing so well, and my daddy is back to work and can co-sign on our car for us. So, within the next month or so, we could have our own car.
That is why is has been so crazy. A lot of bad stuff and pain, but so much great stuff and success.
Also, April 29th is David and I's 3 year anniversary. We're going away a week or so after that, to Harrison Hot Springs for a few days to celebrate. I am also going to buy him this book he has been wanting for so long as a gift. The Art Of War, I believe it is called.
31lbs lost in total. What whaaaaat.
That's about it. I decided on the strip-tease class over the pole dancing class. I start soon; super stoked for that.
Chow Bellas.
I think I will start with the bad and end on a good note.
My health over the last month and a half is getting worse. It feels odd saing that right now because it is finally sunny and warm here, and I am only in moderate pain. But I am honest and recap with myself, this last month and a half have been pretty miserable. Turns out that it is not my Thyroid that is causes me to start falling asleep after being awake for only five or so hours; needing 14 hours of sleep a night to function and waking with nausia and headaches every morning. As much as I would like to think I have grown used to always being in some sort of discomfort and pain, it is a lie. I am rather weak. I am good at talking a positive game when I am around people. But when I am alone, I can't ignore the pains and feelings of self loathing and self pitying. I have spent a lot of hours lately crying.
Something very sick occured to me. I think, in thelast month and a half, I have had two solid days where I have had *no* pains. During those two days I was paranoid that the pain would come at any moment, scared to let myself experience a pain-less day because allthe pain-filled days would be so much harder to endure. Isn't that horrible? I can't even let myself enjoy the times I am ok. In fact, I think I torture myself those days more then the pains could.
In short, and lacking long winded details, in the middle of May I am going to go to my parents for two solid weeks. In the meantime I have a week booked full of accupuncture and massage theropy to try and find something natural that will help. Pills and 'taking it easy' haven't worked, so lets try something new. My doctor 'strongly reccomended' that I go to the hospital (sp?) and they do an analysis on me. Not one of those Is She Crazy? tests. Though, I may be, lol. They just want to see if my mind is kind of attacking my body. Maybe I have some issues about myself or my past that I have that may be the problem. I, personlly, know my body very well. I don't think that is it. I had a year of sitting with a theropist and talking this out. It did help and I honesltly feel I have accepted it for what it is and made a life where those things do not harm me anymore. I still sit sometimes and cry for lost childhood and time with my parents. I only wish things had gone differently. Then again, I don't. I like where I am right now, even with all the weird, massive pains.
So, yes. 2 weeks with my parents. Parents = daddy and Kimmy. I think that because I was so sick and almost died at 15, they want to be there this time around, t take care of me. And I must admit, the idea sounds nice to me. I want to just be my dad and moms' daughter and let them help me, let them take care of me. Why do I find it so hard to allow that? I'll miss David Horribly though.
The Good Stuff;
David and I are doing really well in our company. We're going to make a new record, we hope, for the First Month Of Being Full Time. Which is, I think, doing 10by10. That is simply recruiting 10 people - which by the way is super hard because our company advertises word of mouth, and doing 10,000 in premium. So, getting 10 people on our team and David and I making 10 Grand this month. Right now, we have 7 people, and have made 4Grand. And, we have two weeks left. That'll be simple. We're putting people that've been there for 14 years to shame. Funny thing is, I didn't realise how damn competetive I am. I want to win. I want to make records no one though we could do.
As a result of this, not only are we making more money then we ever have (and this is only the first month!) But our company is rewarding us and seding us for an all expense paid trip to San Fransisco in August. I think it is 3 days. Also, they're having a company competition. Anyone that does 10by10 will get an all expense paid trip to New York City. Which, by the end of the month, we will have won.
This is a crazy company. They pay us crazy amounts of money and already only in our first month full time, we've won two trips.
What I like most about it, beyond anything though, is how much time I spend with David. How we're growing throughout this, how our names are known in our massive office, how we don't need to worry and stress over money any more, how soon we can help our parents, how this is what we really love to do.
The last thing is, at this rate David and I hope to beat a Primerica record: go RVP in 9 months. Which is pretty much, making 100K in 9 months. It's been done once. Which means we can do it. We will do it. Most people go RVP/100K in 2 years. But if it was done once in 9 months, we can do it.
I think despite my health, I feel wonderful. I love where we're at right now. A bonus is, we also got a free Palm (cell phone thing) from out Upline fo doing so well, and my daddy is back to work and can co-sign on our car for us. So, within the next month or so, we could have our own car.
That is why is has been so crazy. A lot of bad stuff and pain, but so much great stuff and success.
Also, April 29th is David and I's 3 year anniversary. We're going away a week or so after that, to Harrison Hot Springs for a few days to celebrate. I am also going to buy him this book he has been wanting for so long as a gift. The Art Of War, I believe it is called.
31lbs lost in total. What whaaaaat.
That's about it. I decided on the strip-tease class over the pole dancing class. I start soon; super stoked for that.
Chow Bellas.