This is for Mark...
I ate dinner tonight with two groups of people that I would never have thought to get together. That's really besides the point, but the prelude to this entry. Katie was sitting next to me, referencing your name, and explained that you had "no idea" why we aren't talking.
This should solve it.
Remember when we were kids.
We would fool around under the sheets, eyes closed shut, and it was memorable for us both. We never spoke a word of it. I knew I loved you.
We kept on like it was going out of style; eyes shut and hands moving.
You told me you were in love with someone. I never thought you'd say that.
To me? Please god let it be me...wait, of course it is me! I'm the one.
Brian Douek
My world was crumbling to the ground. I was devistated.
I shut every single inch of emotion behind locked doors.
I never wanted to feel the way I did for you again.
I was there for you when it hurt me to be. I advised. Consoled. Talked for hours.
Everything I did was an underlying scheme to make you.
Fall in love with me. Break his heart, not mine. Notice me!
But to no avail...you were the one needing rebuilding.
My wounds were licked well enough. You needed intensive care.
I stupidly went on falty limbs and breaking branches to help.
I put myself so far out that nobody could reach but you.
As if you could ring a bell and I'd be there for you.
I was your puppet...unknowingly or not.
I used to beg for attention in the childish ways.
I would scream for you to love me at night.
And stare at you with disgust as you slept.
That you didn't love me. Me of all people...
You loved fat, hairy, boys.
With no ambitions, no life, no nothings.
The day you broke up was when the locked door flew off its hinges.
I couldn't stop trying to get closer to you.
Whether dancing on you, wrestling, whatever.
I would step closer and closer.
It was like ecstacy.
But you made it abundantly clear how unecessary you see me to be.
You only need me when you are bored. Need consoling...advise?
Call me, PLEASE! Anything to hear your voice. I was there.
But when I wanted you, for more than that...you were ignorant.
You played stupid like it was the role you were born to play.
But you did it in the most unsuitable fashion.
How can I love another when the love of my life is two steps away.
When the daily calls and weekly visits make me love you more?
How in the hell am I supposed to move on like you?
I can't...I'm too far in to reach.
I was drowning in love.
Set to sea.
So that is why. Why I can't speak to you. Talk to your family. Anything.
Just understand for once in your life that something isn't about you.
Hell, you probably didn't even care for me.
As a friend, family member, lover...nothing.
Because all you care for is the person who you screw.
You make me sick. I hope your life is for the better.
I know mine has been pure brilliance without you in it.
I can finally look at a guy and stop comparing him to you.
That is the most relief I can get right now. Without you.
This should solve it.
Remember when we were kids.
We would fool around under the sheets, eyes closed shut, and it was memorable for us both. We never spoke a word of it. I knew I loved you.
We kept on like it was going out of style; eyes shut and hands moving.
You told me you were in love with someone. I never thought you'd say that.
To me? Please god let it be me...wait, of course it is me! I'm the one.
Brian Douek
My world was crumbling to the ground. I was devistated.
I shut every single inch of emotion behind locked doors.
I never wanted to feel the way I did for you again.
I was there for you when it hurt me to be. I advised. Consoled. Talked for hours.
Everything I did was an underlying scheme to make you.
Fall in love with me. Break his heart, not mine. Notice me!
But to no avail...you were the one needing rebuilding.
My wounds were licked well enough. You needed intensive care.
I stupidly went on falty limbs and breaking branches to help.
I put myself so far out that nobody could reach but you.
As if you could ring a bell and I'd be there for you.
I was your puppet...unknowingly or not.
I used to beg for attention in the childish ways.
I would scream for you to love me at night.
And stare at you with disgust as you slept.
That you didn't love me. Me of all people...
You loved fat, hairy, boys.
With no ambitions, no life, no nothings.
The day you broke up was when the locked door flew off its hinges.
I couldn't stop trying to get closer to you.
Whether dancing on you, wrestling, whatever.
I would step closer and closer.
It was like ecstacy.
But you made it abundantly clear how unecessary you see me to be.
You only need me when you are bored. Need consoling...advise?
Call me, PLEASE! Anything to hear your voice. I was there.
But when I wanted you, for more than that...you were ignorant.
You played stupid like it was the role you were born to play.
But you did it in the most unsuitable fashion.
How can I love another when the love of my life is two steps away.
When the daily calls and weekly visits make me love you more?
How in the hell am I supposed to move on like you?
I can't...I'm too far in to reach.
I was drowning in love.
Set to sea.
So that is why. Why I can't speak to you. Talk to your family. Anything.
Just understand for once in your life that something isn't about you.
Hell, you probably didn't even care for me.
As a friend, family member, lover...nothing.
Because all you care for is the person who you screw.
You make me sick. I hope your life is for the better.
I know mine has been pure brilliance without you in it.
I can finally look at a guy and stop comparing him to you.
That is the most relief I can get right now. Without you.