What else can I say? I lost again... or did I win?
I once had a fear of flying until I met him. He gave me wings and my fear went away. It took me a long time to trust him every time he asked not to let go of his hand, but with him, I was never afraid of falling. Then one day he let go... and I fell... and I broke into a million pieces.
There was nothing I didn't give him and nothing I didn't forgive and yet... it was not enough. He taught me how to sing when no one looks and to laugh, and to love...
Today I heal myself by helping other people because helping others always make me feel better about myself. I've always taken care of those around me and, for once, I thought I found someone who would take care of me, but I was wrong.
I hate him so much! People like him make it harder for good people like myself to give others the opportunity to get closer to me. People that are actually worth my time and love. Perhaps my friends are right, perhaps I can do better than him and I will. Perhaps my life with him was a lie along with the things he said and did. Perhaps he didn't love me or perhaps I didn't love myself enough to realize I was living my life for someone else while neglecting my own. I will survive this and I will become the person I want to be... no... the person that I already am, but better. I didn't realize how valuable I am until I spoke with a few good friends that remind me constantly of what a good catch I am, but I forget sometimes because love is so fucking blind! I even dared to blame myself for not doing enough! Shame on me for being so stupid! Shame on me for crying and begging and shame on me for trying to help him even after he left me. Shame on me for ever giving my heart to the undeserving. Shame on me for loving like I do!
My hate will be my mentor in this new life lesson. I don't know what will become of me, but I guarantee you, I will not shed another tear for anyone ever again! My love, I will miss you and I will hate you always. I will miss who you were before you changed and I will hate forever who you have become.
And so it is, my love... and so it is...
There was nothing I didn't give him and nothing I didn't forgive and yet... it was not enough. He taught me how to sing when no one looks and to laugh, and to love...
Today I heal myself by helping other people because helping others always make me feel better about myself. I've always taken care of those around me and, for once, I thought I found someone who would take care of me, but I was wrong.
I hate him so much! People like him make it harder for good people like myself to give others the opportunity to get closer to me. People that are actually worth my time and love. Perhaps my friends are right, perhaps I can do better than him and I will. Perhaps my life with him was a lie along with the things he said and did. Perhaps he didn't love me or perhaps I didn't love myself enough to realize I was living my life for someone else while neglecting my own. I will survive this and I will become the person I want to be... no... the person that I already am, but better. I didn't realize how valuable I am until I spoke with a few good friends that remind me constantly of what a good catch I am, but I forget sometimes because love is so fucking blind! I even dared to blame myself for not doing enough! Shame on me for being so stupid! Shame on me for crying and begging and shame on me for trying to help him even after he left me. Shame on me for ever giving my heart to the undeserving. Shame on me for loving like I do!
My hate will be my mentor in this new life lesson. I don't know what will become of me, but I guarantee you, I will not shed another tear for anyone ever again! My love, I will miss you and I will hate you always. I will miss who you were before you changed and I will hate forever who you have become.
And so it is, my love... and so it is...