(no subject)

[sinisterfoxx]

I started talking to Kendall again. It's weird how when you see someone like that for the first time after forever all the feelings you had for them develope all over again. He couldn't have picked a better time to come back into me life. Things with Buddy and I aren't looking too good. We got into a huge fight Thursday night and I haven't heard from him since. He didn't call me to wish me happy new year or anything. I just can't help but wonder what kind of a boyfriend is he. He gets in these moods and I'm noticing it's only when he starts to hang out with his cousin Jesse. He starts to act all hardcore like, 'yea, that bitch can't tell me what to do. I do what the fuck I want.' I hate that attitude. Now when he doesn't really talk to Jesse much or see him much he's a completely different person. All sweet with the 'i love you' and 'i miss you' and now he just suddenly stopped talking to me. Thursday night when we hung up we were still kind of upset but we weren't not talking to eachother. I'm so confused. It feels like this is his way of breaking up with me. Avoiding me and ignoring me. I don't know what to do.

But for now I guess I have Kendall. We went to a party Thursday night and had fun and we both want to hang out more. He also admitted to me that he still likes me from along time ago. I don't know where it's going to go with us, I don't even know where things are going with Buddy. I hate feeling like this. Lost and lonely. Confused and heartbroken. Why are guy's such assholes.

I'm starting to think that Buddy and I aren't ready for a serious relationship. I wish I could talk to him about it but he hasn't been home all weekend, he's been with Jesse and when I call Jesse's cell he won't answer it. It's so annoying. I can not stand his cousin Jesse. He has so much control over how Buddy acts with me it's ridiculous, sickening actually.

I just want things the way they have been with us for the past month. Really really good.