A Thousand Dreams That Would Awake Me; Different Colors Made of Tears
It is clear that I have come to a turning point in my life. I have become bored, stagnant, and just plain tired of the people and environment around me. Going to a school so close to home is proving itself to be a bigger and bigger mistake each day, along with decisions I have made within this past year or so where peers and those whose company I chose to be in are concerned.
I am trying so damn hard to fight the underlying urge to give up. However, somehow there is a little beacon of hope that keeps bobbing up and down before me every so often. Apparently I haven't totally drowned my optimism, yet.
I decided that after this semester I am out of here. Whether it is out of this area and off to a different school, or just out of college and out of here, period.
Either way, I've gotten quite bored with the idea of feeling trapped. It doesn't have to be that way. Nothing can be as hard or as impossible as it seems.
I've got a thousand ideas running through my head, a thousand projects I want to start, but a very poor sense of ambition with which to do these things. I have found myself dwelling on and constantly thinking about new paintings, new three dimensional projects...each more interesting and bizarre than the last.
At the same time, though, I've found myself feeling increasingly lonelier. I can't and refuse to deal with the tedious and assinine tendancies of many of those around me. In return, it seems as if this will narrow my social circle quite a bit.
But if it will keep my sanity, sense of self, and my already wavering sense of direction, then I am pretty prepared to make these sacrifices.
I think what frustrates me the most other than the horrendous semester I just finished, is the idea of letting certain individuals pull me down with them. I can't give in, I can't make excuses for people anymore, and I can't keep on acting like I really care about their stupid fucking insecurities and whiny problems. I've come to the conclusion that, ultimately, if I don't rid myself of this sooner or later, it will lead to the demise of everything I hope and pray that I will strive for within the next few months.
If we are "judged by the company we keep" I need to start keeping more intellectually stimulating, less ignorant, and more all-around adjusted and mentally stable individuals in my life.
Moral of this story:
I quit stupid people.
I am trying so damn hard to fight the underlying urge to give up. However, somehow there is a little beacon of hope that keeps bobbing up and down before me every so often. Apparently I haven't totally drowned my optimism, yet.
I decided that after this semester I am out of here. Whether it is out of this area and off to a different school, or just out of college and out of here, period.
Either way, I've gotten quite bored with the idea of feeling trapped. It doesn't have to be that way. Nothing can be as hard or as impossible as it seems.
I've got a thousand ideas running through my head, a thousand projects I want to start, but a very poor sense of ambition with which to do these things. I have found myself dwelling on and constantly thinking about new paintings, new three dimensional projects...each more interesting and bizarre than the last.
At the same time, though, I've found myself feeling increasingly lonelier. I can't and refuse to deal with the tedious and assinine tendancies of many of those around me. In return, it seems as if this will narrow my social circle quite a bit.
But if it will keep my sanity, sense of self, and my already wavering sense of direction, then I am pretty prepared to make these sacrifices.
I think what frustrates me the most other than the horrendous semester I just finished, is the idea of letting certain individuals pull me down with them. I can't give in, I can't make excuses for people anymore, and I can't keep on acting like I really care about their stupid fucking insecurities and whiny problems. I've come to the conclusion that, ultimately, if I don't rid myself of this sooner or later, it will lead to the demise of everything I hope and pray that I will strive for within the next few months.
If we are "judged by the company we keep" I need to start keeping more intellectually stimulating, less ignorant, and more all-around adjusted and mentally stable individuals in my life.
Moral of this story:
I quit stupid people.