"We touch ourselves to keep from getting bored...nothing else is touching, that's for sure"
There is so much shit going through my head right now and I really don't know where to begin. For starters, I got into a fight with my mother tonight...about 2 hours after my appointment with my therapist, whom I always talk to about how much I hate living with my family and how my mother makes me want to stab myself in the face so I don't have to deal with her shit anymore.
It all starts out with (as usual) her cracking some corney joke that I dont laught at, cus I dont get her humor anyway, and all of a sudden according to her I'm "in a bad mood" and I "should respect her because she's my mother".
Naturally, when a person hears this nearly every single day of her pathetic, angst-filled adolescent life, one can get pretty fucking sick and tired of being told this. Obviously a bad mood will set in when one is annoyed AS ALL FUCK.
So after that bullshit, it goes into that usual "I don't understand why we can't just get along like ::insert names of examples here:: and ::" " ":: or ::" " "::."
:-D This is where I come in and where my mother ignores every fucking furious word that comes out of my mouth, as usual. Because she knows nothing else but wallowing in her own self-righteous pity. Disgusting.
Me(getting a little heated by now and feeling like I'm talking to an inanimate object): : "We can't have a relationship like that because I can not tell you anything."
Dear old mom: "I've always told you that you can tell me anything."
Me (now fully aware that my mother is a rock that can somehow communicate and that is the only way she can be so oblivious to reality):"Hardly. For example when I told you I wasn't a virgin anymore last year you cried for 2 damned weeks."
My wonderful mum (this was said quite defiantly): "Yes I did."
Me (Wishing with all of my heart that matricide wasn't considered a crime...):"Any mother who I could 'tell anything to' would ask me if I feel I should go on birth control or at least take me to a gynocologist. But instead, you acted like it was awful and terrible and this huge sin...but I don't see it that way. What you think doesn't matter, this is my fucking life and my fucking choices."
At this point, I got out of the van and slammed the door behind me. Days like this make me wonder if orphans are happier....
I'm also just tired of stupid codependant people. People that don't realize when others are bad for them. If I was truly intelligent, I may just finally turn around and stop talking to these individuals. It'd save me a lot of wasted time and headaches.
Another thing that's got me pissed tonight is this fucking lady at wal-mart. I was up there with Hans while he is trying to find a register open so he can pay for his hair dye when all of a sudden some blonde bitch walks up to us and goes, "Don't turn your back on Jesus." DON'T TURN MY BACK ON JESUS!!!!!????
WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING???? Seriously. This judgemental shit has got to stop. Between a brick wall for a mother and a whole world wayyy too packed with bible thumpers...who truly lives comfortably in this life? I'm ready to stab someone in the face.
To be honest, yes. I do believe that there is a God and something greater than us. There has to be some sort of giant cosmic love holding this universe together...because if not, then how are all these stupid ignorant bastards still alive? Where Jesus is concerned, I believe that he existed too. Too many old religions mention a saviour for mankind. There had to have been something. Common sense.
What I don't get is how my choice of wearing an absence of color automatically means I worship dark lords or trees or gods with horns? Or does she think I'm some sort of crazy stone-fondler? I need to start reading the bible so I can use the text against ignorant "good Christian" people. They are the most judgemental beings on this earth. And some of the biggest hypocrites...I find this especially where Catholicism is concerned.
Damn, that lady really got me mad. I'm just tired of stupidity in general. People are so tedious and assinine. They pick eachother apart for every damn thing that isn't exactly like they are.
How is it that things such as homosexuality and "minorities" have become more "accepted" by most of society when people will still mock and ridicule some (mainly) straight middle-class white kids who just happen to have a different outlook and style?
Should I make rude comments when a gay "black" person walks by because we don't have the same cultural background? I don't think so.
Hate and ignorance only breeds more hate and ignorance.
This is why I hope...I mean REALLY fucking hope...that there is something greater out there. THIS cannot be everything.
I am quickly realizign that my parents are just as foolish and idiotic as the rest of this shithole society and that I truly need to be far far away from them in order to actually love them.
They will be the death of me.
And so will hypocritical bible-thumpers.