are you feeling happy now
It's late I'm awake and feeling the necessity to tear my skin off my flesh. It's been along time since I've felt this way. I do need to communicate myself better to people but it's just so hard, too many question. Will they understand, can they relate, will they critisize me for my thoughts, will I make myself clear and believeable. Why do I have the incessant need to make inside hurt be outside hurt. I understand that people find it hard to believe that me, the happy chipper one can inflict such "brutalities" upon myself but I have nothing else that is utterly reliable. I used to think that the drugs would stay there and would sustain me, keep me away from those pretties. But the drugs had to stop sometime now didn't they. I always assumed I'd grow up and it would all go away. Like most bad habits they don't now do they? How can I overcome all this with so much worldly pressure still pressing down so hard on my skull. I don't want to consistently dwell deeper into my head but I can't resist the self hate and pity. It comes so easily, I can't remove myself from it no matter how I try. How much longer can I honestly stay afloat with all these stabbing wounds protruding from the heart.