doubts
This is beyond self-doubt. Recently I have been subjected to the negative energy of my family. My mom; "you don't have to do this". And S.; "maybe nursing is just not for you". Wow, thanks for the encouragement. It's not that I haven't had my own self-doubts about this over the years, but why now? Because I failed that course? I had optimism in this second attempt, but I have since started to succumb to the negativity. I'm just looking for the switch to flip back into the more positive mode. It seems tricky to find and maybe this is because rather than being able to tell my inner voice to be quiet, it's coming from the outside (which is triggering that inner voice). If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be, but I can at least try. At least put up a fight to get my career back. I started these courses over a year ago, and now I'm supposed to quit halfway through? I'm wondering if my mom's comment was just her feeling sorry for me (perhaps a delayed response to my "I don't want to study"- where she feels she has to try to motivate me- or de-motivate in this case? I'm not looking for her motivation, I'm just stating the obvious while getting ready to go to the library). And S. seems to be getting stressed out that I'm not working enough. Working more would require getting another job and cutting down on study time to the point where I wouldn't be able to keep up. It would pretty much be a repeat of what happened with the failed course. I'm out of the program if I fail again, so another job isn't happening. More $ would be great, but we can manage for the most part on his income, the little bit I bring in and with some help from family. It's like he's forgetting that I'll be bringing in a solid income once I'm working as a nurse again, but then again we both have some doubts about how well that might go.