FIC: The Heart Never Lies (Chapter One)
Title: This is how a heart breaks
Rating: PG-13, to be safe. Will go up in later chapters.
Words: 1,461
Pairings: Finn Hudson/Rachel Berry
Disclaimer: I don't own the Glee characters, but original characters appearing in future chapters are mine.
Spoilers: 2.10.
Summary: The story of Finn and Rachel's breakup and their reconciliation.
Author's note: This chapter has not been beta'ed. Any mistakes are mine. This is a multi-chaptered fic. Hope you enjoy. Please read and review! P.S. This was inspired by the fact that RM lied to us all. Call this my way of coming to terms with the mess.
Finn Hudson doesn't trust a lot of people. Every time he's had faith in someone they've let him down, save for his mother. His dad kissed him on the forehead and said “I'll be back in a few months, buddy.” Technically, he was, but Finn didn't realize his father would be back in a coffin... Quinn Fabray screwed him over big time, same with his former best friend, Noah Puckerman. Santana Lopez ruined his life by lying to him about the benefits of having sex with her.
But Rachel Berry had torn him up worst of all. She chewed him up and spit him out. He's about 180% sure that he misses her. But he's infinity percent sure that she broke his heart.
He never thought that Rachel was mean. Sure, she was kind of crazy sometimes and she talked a lot - to the point that she sometimes gave him a headache, but he loved her. Over time, he had learned to accept that that was her nature, and there was little to nothing that he could really do about it. He loved her because and in spite of all her little quirks, and most of the time, she made him into a better person. Sure, sometimes he still suffered from a royal case of foot-in-mouth, but she helped him study, she complimented him all the time, and she made him feel good about himself. Rachel Berry was like breathing in that first breath of fresh air in the morning, that little breath that filled his lungs just right and told him it was a going to be a good day.
He'd done that, the morning she had broken his heart, but apparently, his senses about what kind of day it was going to be had gone a little awry. He hadn't bothered to test his theory since then, because he knew what it was going to say: his day was going to suck.
What Rachel did to him really, really tore him up inside. Yes, he hadn't been faithful to Quinn during their relationship, but he had never set out to intentionally hurt Quinn with his actions when he had kissed Rachel. He had kissed her once and the other times had all been initiated by the tiny brunette. Technically, she had even initiated their first kiss, by telling him that he could kiss her if he wanted to.
He still remembered every little detail about that kiss. She looked excited and nervous at the same time - for a brief moment, he'd stopped and wondered if he was her first kiss (and through a casual discussion much later, he had discovered that he was right). He had laid her down, and he had gone down with her. He pressed his lips to hers gently, like he was trying her out at first, afraid to hurt her since she seemed so small, so innocent, and his stomach had done this weird flipping thing, that he later realized was a feeling he would always have around the tiny diva and her wide, gorgeous brown eyes. Her leg lifted, pressing against his and he couldn't help it, he rolled his hips against hers slightly. He just wanted more of her. It felt like time was stopped and he just wanted his lips pressed against hers forever. Even if he knew it was wrong, because he was with Quinn, everything about kissing Rachel Berry just felt so, so... right. Of course, like any time he was enjoying anything a little too much, it started to do things down there, and he pulled away, thinking of the mailman, and left very hastily, feeling like he had screwed everything up, but even that day, he knew.
His heart belonged to Rachel Barbra Berry.
His heart still belonged to Rachel Barbra Berry. He just couldn't get over the fact that she had taken it and stomped on it. When she had kissed Puck, it had been to hurt him, to get back at him. Finn knew that sleeping with Santana was a mistake - boy did he know it. He knew it from the minute that he was inside the feisty Latina, looking up at her. He had spent the whole time pretending it was Rachel. He wanted it to be Rachel so badly. Maybe all of this was partly his fault for fucking everything up, but he hadn't been with her at the time, he didn't cheat. Yes, he lied, which wasn't great of him, but he only did it because he didn't want to hurt her, and he didn't want to lose her. He loved her so much that even just the thought of telling her and seeing those big, bright eyes well up with tears hurt him so much that it made him want to die.
Now, he still wanted to die, but it was for a totally different reason.
He really wished that he hadn't turned around, that he had just ignored her and kept on walking, but her words had gotten to him. “You said you'd never break up with me.” The pain in her voice was clear and if his heart wasn't already broken, that definitely did the trick. His initial reaction was to apologize, to take her into his arms and hold her and kiss her and tell her that he forgave her, because that's what he knew would make the situation better. He hated seeing Rachel in pain, especially if he could do something to help her. But she had pained him first, and this time, he just couldn't go through with his instincts. Because he honestly didn't forgive her.
He wasn't sure what hurt more. The fact that she had cheated on him, or the fact that she had done it with Puck. He had already lost one girlfriend to Puck, he didn't think Rachel would ever put him through that again. He had been wrong. So so wrong.
He had turned around and he had been determined not to cry where anyone could see him. Finn Hudson didn't cry unless he really, really felt like whatever he was going through was the end of the world. He had sat in his car crying for almost an hour. He loved her so much, couldn't she see that? Sure, he wasn't perfect. He wasn't ever going to be perfect, but he loved her. He had changed for her. He had stopped caring about his reputation and he had tried to be better for her, to be patient and kind and caring. He put up with her diva fits, he would hold her when she'd show up at his doorstep crying because aside from him, she didn't have any friends. Sometimes they would just lie down in the grass together for hours, not saying anything, not moving. His thumb would just run back and forth, over and over on the small of her back, just barely under her shirt, while her head was tucked tightly under his chin. He loved spending time with her, he loved everything about her, didn't she see that? Why did one mistake make her go out and do something that she knew would cut through him so deeply. He was pretty sure he knew what it felt like to get shot. Or maybe not. He was pretty sure getting a bullet to the heart would hurt less than what he'd been feeling lately.
He still wasn't ready to forgive her, and it killed him that she wanted him to. That she thought a song or one kiss was going to fix everything between them. Maybe that hurt more than the actual betrayal. The fact that she thought he was obviously being childish and not forgiving her out of spite. “It's time for you to forgive me,” she had said, almost matter of factly, as if there was some kind of timestamp on when you should mend your broken heart.
Well, Finn's heart just doesn't work that way. Every night he goes to bed and he hopes that in the morning, everything will stop hurting. He always wakes up feeling like his heart is so broken, it's physically hurting. Knowing he still can't forgive her just makes everything hurt a little worse. It's gotten to the point where he doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive her. What she did just hurt too much. He felt like he was half whole when she wasn't around, but every time he would so much as sneak a glance at her, it was like tearing the band-aid off of the wound again.
Rachel Berry had ruined him, he was pretty sure, and the worst part was that she didn't seem to know it.
Rating: PG-13, to be safe. Will go up in later chapters.
Words: 1,461
Pairings: Finn Hudson/Rachel Berry
Disclaimer: I don't own the Glee characters, but original characters appearing in future chapters are mine.
Spoilers: 2.10.
Summary: The story of Finn and Rachel's breakup and their reconciliation.
Author's note: This chapter has not been beta'ed. Any mistakes are mine. This is a multi-chaptered fic. Hope you enjoy. Please read and review! P.S. This was inspired by the fact that RM lied to us all. Call this my way of coming to terms with the mess.
Finn Hudson doesn't trust a lot of people. Every time he's had faith in someone they've let him down, save for his mother. His dad kissed him on the forehead and said “I'll be back in a few months, buddy.” Technically, he was, but Finn didn't realize his father would be back in a coffin... Quinn Fabray screwed him over big time, same with his former best friend, Noah Puckerman. Santana Lopez ruined his life by lying to him about the benefits of having sex with her.
But Rachel Berry had torn him up worst of all. She chewed him up and spit him out. He's about 180% sure that he misses her. But he's infinity percent sure that she broke his heart.
He never thought that Rachel was mean. Sure, she was kind of crazy sometimes and she talked a lot - to the point that she sometimes gave him a headache, but he loved her. Over time, he had learned to accept that that was her nature, and there was little to nothing that he could really do about it. He loved her because and in spite of all her little quirks, and most of the time, she made him into a better person. Sure, sometimes he still suffered from a royal case of foot-in-mouth, but she helped him study, she complimented him all the time, and she made him feel good about himself. Rachel Berry was like breathing in that first breath of fresh air in the morning, that little breath that filled his lungs just right and told him it was a going to be a good day.
He'd done that, the morning she had broken his heart, but apparently, his senses about what kind of day it was going to be had gone a little awry. He hadn't bothered to test his theory since then, because he knew what it was going to say: his day was going to suck.
What Rachel did to him really, really tore him up inside. Yes, he hadn't been faithful to Quinn during their relationship, but he had never set out to intentionally hurt Quinn with his actions when he had kissed Rachel. He had kissed her once and the other times had all been initiated by the tiny brunette. Technically, she had even initiated their first kiss, by telling him that he could kiss her if he wanted to.
He still remembered every little detail about that kiss. She looked excited and nervous at the same time - for a brief moment, he'd stopped and wondered if he was her first kiss (and through a casual discussion much later, he had discovered that he was right). He had laid her down, and he had gone down with her. He pressed his lips to hers gently, like he was trying her out at first, afraid to hurt her since she seemed so small, so innocent, and his stomach had done this weird flipping thing, that he later realized was a feeling he would always have around the tiny diva and her wide, gorgeous brown eyes. Her leg lifted, pressing against his and he couldn't help it, he rolled his hips against hers slightly. He just wanted more of her. It felt like time was stopped and he just wanted his lips pressed against hers forever. Even if he knew it was wrong, because he was with Quinn, everything about kissing Rachel Berry just felt so, so... right. Of course, like any time he was enjoying anything a little too much, it started to do things down there, and he pulled away, thinking of the mailman, and left very hastily, feeling like he had screwed everything up, but even that day, he knew.
His heart belonged to Rachel Barbra Berry.
His heart still belonged to Rachel Barbra Berry. He just couldn't get over the fact that she had taken it and stomped on it. When she had kissed Puck, it had been to hurt him, to get back at him. Finn knew that sleeping with Santana was a mistake - boy did he know it. He knew it from the minute that he was inside the feisty Latina, looking up at her. He had spent the whole time pretending it was Rachel. He wanted it to be Rachel so badly. Maybe all of this was partly his fault for fucking everything up, but he hadn't been with her at the time, he didn't cheat. Yes, he lied, which wasn't great of him, but he only did it because he didn't want to hurt her, and he didn't want to lose her. He loved her so much that even just the thought of telling her and seeing those big, bright eyes well up with tears hurt him so much that it made him want to die.
Now, he still wanted to die, but it was for a totally different reason.
He really wished that he hadn't turned around, that he had just ignored her and kept on walking, but her words had gotten to him. “You said you'd never break up with me.” The pain in her voice was clear and if his heart wasn't already broken, that definitely did the trick. His initial reaction was to apologize, to take her into his arms and hold her and kiss her and tell her that he forgave her, because that's what he knew would make the situation better. He hated seeing Rachel in pain, especially if he could do something to help her. But she had pained him first, and this time, he just couldn't go through with his instincts. Because he honestly didn't forgive her.
He wasn't sure what hurt more. The fact that she had cheated on him, or the fact that she had done it with Puck. He had already lost one girlfriend to Puck, he didn't think Rachel would ever put him through that again. He had been wrong. So so wrong.
He had turned around and he had been determined not to cry where anyone could see him. Finn Hudson didn't cry unless he really, really felt like whatever he was going through was the end of the world. He had sat in his car crying for almost an hour. He loved her so much, couldn't she see that? Sure, he wasn't perfect. He wasn't ever going to be perfect, but he loved her. He had changed for her. He had stopped caring about his reputation and he had tried to be better for her, to be patient and kind and caring. He put up with her diva fits, he would hold her when she'd show up at his doorstep crying because aside from him, she didn't have any friends. Sometimes they would just lie down in the grass together for hours, not saying anything, not moving. His thumb would just run back and forth, over and over on the small of her back, just barely under her shirt, while her head was tucked tightly under his chin. He loved spending time with her, he loved everything about her, didn't she see that? Why did one mistake make her go out and do something that she knew would cut through him so deeply. He was pretty sure he knew what it felt like to get shot. Or maybe not. He was pretty sure getting a bullet to the heart would hurt less than what he'd been feeling lately.
He still wasn't ready to forgive her, and it killed him that she wanted him to. That she thought a song or one kiss was going to fix everything between them. Maybe that hurt more than the actual betrayal. The fact that she thought he was obviously being childish and not forgiving her out of spite. “It's time for you to forgive me,” she had said, almost matter of factly, as if there was some kind of timestamp on when you should mend your broken heart.
Well, Finn's heart just doesn't work that way. Every night he goes to bed and he hopes that in the morning, everything will stop hurting. He always wakes up feeling like his heart is so broken, it's physically hurting. Knowing he still can't forgive her just makes everything hurt a little worse. It's gotten to the point where he doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive her. What she did just hurt too much. He felt like he was half whole when she wasn't around, but every time he would so much as sneak a glance at her, it was like tearing the band-aid off of the wound again.
Rachel Berry had ruined him, he was pretty sure, and the worst part was that she didn't seem to know it.