just things
1. had another weird dream this morning. what else is new though? I think this makes it a little over two months where i've been dreaming every night except for maybe 3. some of the dreams have been getting better, as in, i'm not in some mortal/scary danger, like the one with the whales and the huge mound of chocolate or the one where i sorta flew. some have just been so-so in that, it just was, but not too scary, like last night's with ben and the guys trying to steal our car and keys and ben and i going on some boy scout orientation thingy. then there are the scary ones where people are trying to chase me or kill me or there's spiders or spikes or city fires. I don't like those. but with all of them, with the exception of the nice ones, which are few and [usually] far between, they all feel long and rob me of sleeping time.
2. both my anthro and christianity classes got canceled for next thursday, so i get to sleep in, but i don't get to go to Lunch Bunch cause that's at 12.15 or so, i believe, and goes till 1 then, and i've got Soc at 1.15.
3. got to talk to uncle jim today. we talked about things like me and caleb, and my future, and black belt club and stuff. he says that i should take the path with the heart, as in, to know that i need to be in a certain place and stay there and if it becomes not the place i should be, then i should get off it, and that whatever i feel passionate about, i should go for and not let anything stop me. but see, the only thing i've ever been concistantly passionate about is sociological thinking. i lean towards certain aspects of it, but i dont go after one specific area whole-heartedly even.
4. and the reason i don't think i'm going to be in BBC yet is because i'm loyal to TKD, but not passionate. it's not something i can throw my whole life into, like caleb. i don't even know where i'll be in two years, so i don't know if i'll be physically around enough to earn a black belt. and i don't want to make the promise that i'll earn it and then have other things come up that i think are more important and break that promise, so i feel safer not making it. it's a hobby. a physical activity that makes me happy and i get to be with people i like, but it's not a lifestyle (for me).
5. even though only one person voted on that pole i posted last night, he doesn't count cause i already asked him and got that answer, but his answer is the one i chose. i'm still really scared cause i've only been a Yellow belt for 3 weeks and, okay, learned my form in 5-6 classes, but at the tournament i have to do it and the first two one-steps, which i haven't been taught yet. i looked at the book and they seem easy enough and i think i can do them, but i'm still a bit unsure as to where to put my feet. i'll ask in class tomorrow night. so i've got tomorrow night, and thursday, and prolly friday as well to perfect my form and the two one-steps and to figure out what exactly i'm doing. everyone i asked said that tournaments are a good experience, so i'm trusting their judgement and hope that it's not like a NFTY event where there's hundreds of people around and they all know people from other places and go hang out with them b/c they haven't seen them in a while and i'm sat sitting at a table with no one to talk to. Also, i think my thing isn't going to take very long, so i'll get to go watch other displays, which might be cool. i just don't know anything about what's going to be going on, so that unknown scares me too.
too many worries. too many what-ifs in my head. i want them to go away.
2. both my anthro and christianity classes got canceled for next thursday, so i get to sleep in, but i don't get to go to Lunch Bunch cause that's at 12.15 or so, i believe, and goes till 1 then, and i've got Soc at 1.15.
3. got to talk to uncle jim today. we talked about things like me and caleb, and my future, and black belt club and stuff. he says that i should take the path with the heart, as in, to know that i need to be in a certain place and stay there and if it becomes not the place i should be, then i should get off it, and that whatever i feel passionate about, i should go for and not let anything stop me. but see, the only thing i've ever been concistantly passionate about is sociological thinking. i lean towards certain aspects of it, but i dont go after one specific area whole-heartedly even.
4. and the reason i don't think i'm going to be in BBC yet is because i'm loyal to TKD, but not passionate. it's not something i can throw my whole life into, like caleb. i don't even know where i'll be in two years, so i don't know if i'll be physically around enough to earn a black belt. and i don't want to make the promise that i'll earn it and then have other things come up that i think are more important and break that promise, so i feel safer not making it. it's a hobby. a physical activity that makes me happy and i get to be with people i like, but it's not a lifestyle (for me).
5. even though only one person voted on that pole i posted last night, he doesn't count cause i already asked him and got that answer, but his answer is the one i chose. i'm still really scared cause i've only been a Yellow belt for 3 weeks and, okay, learned my form in 5-6 classes, but at the tournament i have to do it and the first two one-steps, which i haven't been taught yet. i looked at the book and they seem easy enough and i think i can do them, but i'm still a bit unsure as to where to put my feet. i'll ask in class tomorrow night. so i've got tomorrow night, and thursday, and prolly friday as well to perfect my form and the two one-steps and to figure out what exactly i'm doing. everyone i asked said that tournaments are a good experience, so i'm trusting their judgement and hope that it's not like a NFTY event where there's hundreds of people around and they all know people from other places and go hang out with them b/c they haven't seen them in a while and i'm sat sitting at a table with no one to talk to. Also, i think my thing isn't going to take very long, so i'll get to go watch other displays, which might be cool. i just don't know anything about what's going to be going on, so that unknown scares me too.
too many worries. too many what-ifs in my head. i want them to go away.