GEE THIS DRAWING SURE IS FASCINATING! DEATHTRAP CLANGING? WHAT DEATHTRAP CLANGING?
Jack is a master artist and he will gladly shank anyone who disagrees.
In fact, it looks like one such person has just arrived! Okay, not really (yet), but Jack doesn't take kindly to people screaming at him or crashing into his tent. Karkat, you are extremely lucky you didn't land on a pile of explosives or loaded guns. Just because Jack sleeps on them doesn't make them safe.
He isn't even really looking when he strikes. One second it looks like he's completely oblivious and unsuspecting, doodling away, and the next he has a knife jammed in Karkat's side and a .50 calibre gun in his robotic hand, ready to fuck this trespasser up.
Oh, wait, it's Karkat.
This changes nothing.
"The fuck are you doing, you ruined all my fucking traps!!" HOW DARE YOU ALMOST LOSE YOUR LEGS, DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW LONG IT TOOK HIM TO PREPARE FOR YOUR DEMISE?!?!
Hey, look. We've already hit all our warnings. Linda? Check. Haiku? Check. Violence? Duh.
Now, children bleeding.
"OH MY GOD." His hands go to the wound, covering it as best he can. He begins a chorus of "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," which eventually crescendo into a, "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK DON'T FUCKING LOOK COVER YOUR GODDAMN EYE" which descends into "Shit, goddamnit, why are there beartraps, oh God, don't fucking look--" There's a little crabwalk maneuver accompanying this melodic display of panic. A crabwalk that leads right behind a shitty pile of ammo.
Because, hey, while Karkat's Jack might know about his blood and share his blood color, this Jack...
Jack looks extremely unenthused. Oh, Karkat is bleeding. He's also gray and has goddamn candycorn stuck to his head. It's almost as weird and jarring as Jack must look to him, but at least Karkat's appearance is mostly the same. He still looks human enough to be a Karkat.
The surprise stabs weren't really an accident or at all avoidable, though, because they serve a second purpose: this Karkat has horns. Horned kids are bad. They often have freaky powers and try to kill Jack. Normal human Karkat, on the other hand, is a huge whimp who would never be able to kill someone anyway, so he's completely harmless. Jack had to be sure if this Karkat was more like his Karkat or more like a fucking psychotic murderer horned kid with pink hair and dumb stupid shades. It's science.
Evidence suggests this Karkat is, in fact, a huge whimp. Good to know. Jack lets his guard down a tad, and by that I mean he doesn't proceed to shoot Karkat some more. He doesn't really help him, either. He just watches for a little while.
The fuck is with that crab walk, seriously.
"Calm down, you fucking pansy!" God, Karkat, why do you have to complain so much? All he did was stab you!!
He thinks on this for a moment, grumbles, then walks over to yank the kid back up. "You gonna patch yourself up or just let it bleed out, moron?"
THEN I WAS IN AMERICA, AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. A SINGLE, PERFECT RAINBOW TEAR FALLS FROM MY EYE DUE TO THE MAGNIFICENCE OF BEING IN THIS COUNTRY ONCE MORE. Too bad you’ll never experience the same, Kite. Since you’re from Canada. You guys don’t even have Welcoming videos with bears eating salmon at your Passport Control checkpoints (that video is my favorite part of being an American, fyi).
Wow, we’re doing a log, aren’t we? I should, like, get on that. Whoops.
"I'll patch it up when you close your goddamn eye." He'll be wriggling like a wiggler, papping at Jack's hand, and pretty much being a bitch to keep a grip on. He's still trying to cover the wound, but it's not working. Bright red is seeping out, darkening his clothes and shining, slick on his hands.
It's not his Jack, it's not his Jack, it's not his Jack, not his fucking Jack--
"YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU CAN'T LOOK OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD JUST LISTEN TO ME THIS ONE TIME AND DON'T FUCKING LOOK--" flail flop flop ad infinitum
Whoa whoa whoa, hang the fuck on here. Are you suggesting we even need videos of bears eating salmon? We get that shit live, like it fucking should be. The border is actually guarded by real bears. Mounties riding bears, my dear Linda, you can't even hope to compete.
Anyway, Jack is still pretty damn stubborn himself, so they keep up this pap-shoosh thing for awhile. Christ, what the hell was the kid's problem, anyway? Did he not want anyway to know he was a fucking pansy who couldn't block a knife?
Eventually Jack gets sick of this and backs off. Kind of. First he robopunches Karkat in the shoulder for being a dick, then he backs off.
"Fine, you little shit, if it makes you fucking happy!" There you go, regulareye is closed. You can bleed in peace now.
Jack just isn't going to mention he can totally see through his other eye-- gotta love modern robotics!
shit i want to be a mountie on a bear. This log has given me a new direction in life. Thank you.
There are about five seconds where Karkat pokes at his wound in relative peace. Bright candy red everywhere. Unfortunately, in those five seconds he realizes that he's got nothing to patch it up with.
Whoops.
"Uh."
Hold on, covering wound in a paranoid manner again.
"Shit."
Shit.
"Open your eye. BUT DON'T LOOK OVER HERE. I need bandages or something."
Sadly, Linda, you cannot. Bear riding can only be done by Canadian-born mounties with the blood of the ancient bear riders, anyone else attempting to do so would be swiftly devoured. You can never accomplish your dreams.
Oh, what a surprise. The kid doesn't have anything to patch it with. Face, meet robopalm. I'm sure you're well acquainted already.
But lucky for Karkat, Jack was already prepared for his arrival! So he just crouches down to snatch up a little first aid kit from inside his tent without even opening his good eye. You know, just because he doesn't want any unnecessary dead bodies piling up on his beach, not because he's concerned or anything stupid like that. Mutant Karkat can take care of himself. He should've been smart enough to bring his own bandages and shit, but maybe Jack just wasn't sure if the horns were jabbing into his freaky alien brain or something.
"Might wanna hurry up before you pass out like a little girl." Jack is the most supportive ever. He's also holding out the kit, obviously. Take it you little bitch!!!!!!!!
YOU STUPED SOUL IS RUED AND I DONT GIVE CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I'm not going to fucking pass out." Which is true. Trolls are hardy. Much like Prussians during the Seven Years War. But this doesn't mean Karkat takes his time in fixing himself up. Oh, hell naw. He leaps over the shitty pile of ammo, grabs the first aid kit, leaps back over like a goddamn pole vaulter, and gets down to business to defeat the huns.
"Almost done SO KEEP NOT LOOKING until I clean this veinspew up." Because, all that leaping and bounding? Got little red droplets everywhere. HATE LIFE HATE LIFE HATE LIFE HATE LIFE
YOUR MOM IS A CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHOUTPOLES!!!!
Jack doesn't know this about trolls. More importantly, he doesn't give a fuck. Prussians are dumb. Jack just taps his foot impatiently, still keeping a close watch on the kid with his robotic eye to make sure he doesn't royally fuck this up and end up in the hospital. He's also still pretending he can't see through that, I guess, because for whatever fucking reason this Karkat flips out when people see him bleed? Weird.
omg do not bring my mom into this get some fucking manners. jeez. also don't insult prussia okay I WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP. DO NOT TEST ME. I'M THE GODDAMN HEGEMON MY VOICE WILL CAUSE YOUR WORLD TO TREMBLE AND FALL.
"You don't fucking get it, and I'm not explaining it to another Jack." He's got the bandage haphazardly wrapped around his middle, but it's good enough. He's not a fucking heart surgeon here, jegus.
"Almost finished." Karkat will devote the next ten minutes to clean up.
i'll bring your mom into it all i want, just like she brought me into her last night except not really because i don't know your mom and also i'm a girl and not a lesbian, but i'm sure she's a very fine lady nonetheless. But prussians still suck. They suck so much I'm not going to capitalize them ever again.
He scoffs. Oh Karkat, you whiny little shit. "Fine. Don't expect me to care if you're not gonna tell me why."
This is the part where he officially stops caring. He stops doing the eye-closing thing. Sup, looking at you with both eyes now and giving no shits.
"Oh yeah, and this eye isn't just for show, moron." Casually crushes all your hopes and dreams.
All of Karkat's hopes and dreams are casually crushed.
"You--" Dat eye. "You saw."
He stops cleaning up. Stares. RENEWS CLEANING IN A FURIOUS MANNER OH MY GOD THERE IS A SPOT RIGHT THERE AND IT MUST DIE MUCH LIKE THE FRENCH MUST DIE WHEN FACING THE PRUSSIANS DURING THE FRANCO-PRUSSIAN WAR.
WHOOPS HE BROKE KARKAT some more. Jack groans and grabs the kid by the shoulder this time. Just to make sure he doesn't escape he's using the metal one this time-- robots have foiled you again.
"Unless your blood is fucking acid I don't care, cut that shit out!" It's actually pissing him off quite a bit. Stop getting your OCD all over his beach sheesh.
And in case you missed it the first time: "The fuck is your problem?!"
ABSCON-- Oh, fucking robot arms. Jack you are part robot-- but that thought hasn't dawned on Karkat, so his robot racism will remain in check for the time being.
But it doesn't mean he won't put up a halfhearted struggle. However, when Jack asks WHAT THE FUCK IF WRONG WITH HIM once more, Karkat can't help but blurt out:
"My blood's fucking wrong, okay?! It's mutant trash, and it basically enforces the fact that my life will be always be a miserable pile of fuck!"
His fists are clenched. Karkat's still holding the bandage that he was using to clean the floor with, but the bloodied-side is hidden in the palm of his hand.
"So don't..." Shit. He admitted it. Oh god. It's Jack. But not his Jack. And what if
Jack just stares, that neutral-angry scowl stuck on his face forever. It's hard to tell what he's thinking. Is he surprised? Concerned? Did his universe's Karkat have a similar secret? Does he even give a single fuck about Karkat's weird alien blood problems?
The world may never know.
He stares at Karkat thoughtfully for a moment longer, then, slowly, releases his grip on the kid's shoulder.
Then he whaps Karkat upside the head with his metal fist.
"Fix my fucking tent first, then we've got a deal."
Jack is a master artist and he will gladly shank anyone who disagrees.
In fact, it looks like one such person has just arrived! Okay, not really (yet), but Jack doesn't take kindly to people screaming at him or crashing into his tent. Karkat, you are extremely lucky you didn't land on a pile of explosives or loaded guns. Just because Jack sleeps on them doesn't make them safe.
He isn't even really looking when he strikes. One second it looks like he's completely oblivious and unsuspecting, doodling away, and the next he has a knife jammed in Karkat's side and a .50 calibre gun in his robotic hand, ready to fuck this trespasser up.
Oh, wait, it's Karkat.
This changes nothing.
"The fuck are you doing, you ruined all my fucking traps!!" HOW DARE YOU ALMOST LOSE YOUR LEGS, DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW LONG IT TOOK HIM TO PREPARE FOR YOUR DEMISE?!?!
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Now, children bleeding.
"OH MY GOD." His hands go to the wound, covering it as best he can. He begins a chorus of "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," which eventually crescendo into a, "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK DON'T FUCKING LOOK COVER YOUR GODDAMN EYE" which descends into "Shit, goddamnit, why are there beartraps, oh God, don't fucking look--" There's a little crabwalk maneuver accompanying this melodic display of panic. A crabwalk that leads right behind a shitty pile of ammo.
Because, hey, while Karkat's Jack might know about his blood and share his blood color, this Jack...
It's not his.
He's fleshy.
Pink.
Weird.
Reply
The surprise stabs weren't really an accident or at all avoidable, though, because they serve a second purpose: this Karkat has horns. Horned kids are bad. They often have freaky powers and try to kill Jack. Normal human Karkat, on the other hand, is a huge whimp who would never be able to kill someone anyway, so he's completely harmless. Jack had to be sure if this Karkat was more like his Karkat or more like a fucking psychotic murderer horned kid with pink hair and dumb stupid shades. It's science.
Evidence suggests this Karkat is, in fact, a huge whimp. Good to know. Jack lets his guard down a tad, and by that I mean he doesn't proceed to shoot Karkat some more. He doesn't really help him, either. He just watches for a little while.
The fuck is with that crab walk, seriously.
"Calm down, you fucking pansy!" God, Karkat, why do you have to complain so much? All he did was stab you!!
He thinks on this for a moment, grumbles, then walks over to yank the kid back up. "You gonna patch yourself up or just let it bleed out, moron?"
Reply
Wow, we’re doing a log, aren’t we? I should, like, get on that. Whoops.
"I'll patch it up when you close your goddamn eye." He'll be wriggling like a wiggler, papping at Jack's hand, and pretty much being a bitch to keep a grip on. He's still trying to cover the wound, but it's not working. Bright red is seeping out, darkening his clothes and shining, slick on his hands.
It's not his Jack, it's not his Jack, it's not his Jack, not his fucking Jack--
"YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU CAN'T LOOK OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD JUST LISTEN TO ME THIS ONE TIME AND DON'T FUCKING LOOK--" flail flop flop ad infinitum
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Anyway, Jack is still pretty damn stubborn himself, so they keep up this pap-shoosh thing for awhile. Christ, what the hell was the kid's problem, anyway? Did he not want anyway to know he was a fucking pansy who couldn't block a knife?
Eventually Jack gets sick of this and backs off. Kind of. First he robopunches Karkat in the shoulder for being a dick, then he backs off.
"Fine, you little shit, if it makes you fucking happy!" There you go, regulareye is closed. You can bleed in peace now.
Jack just isn't going to mention he can totally see through his other eye-- gotta love modern robotics!
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There are about five seconds where Karkat pokes at his wound in relative peace. Bright candy red everywhere. Unfortunately, in those five seconds he realizes that he's got nothing to patch it up with.
Whoops.
"Uh."
Hold on, covering wound in a paranoid manner again.
"Shit."
Shit.
"Open your eye. BUT DON'T LOOK OVER HERE. I need bandages or something."
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Oh, what a surprise. The kid doesn't have anything to patch it with. Face, meet robopalm. I'm sure you're well acquainted already.
But lucky for Karkat, Jack was already prepared for his arrival! So he just crouches down to snatch up a little first aid kit from inside his tent without even opening his good eye. You know, just because he doesn't want any unnecessary dead bodies piling up on his beach, not because he's concerned or anything stupid like that. Mutant Karkat can take care of himself. He should've been smart enough to bring his own bandages and shit, but maybe Jack just wasn't sure if the horns were jabbing into his freaky alien brain or something.
"Might wanna hurry up before you pass out like a little girl." Jack is the most supportive ever. He's also holding out the kit, obviously. Take it you little bitch!!!!!!!!
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"I'm not going to fucking pass out." Which is true. Trolls are hardy. Much like Prussians during the Seven Years War. But this doesn't mean Karkat takes his time in fixing himself up. Oh, hell naw. He leaps over the shitty pile of ammo, grabs the first aid kit, leaps back over like a goddamn pole vaulter, and gets down to business to defeat the huns.
"Almost done SO KEEP NOT LOOKING until I clean this veinspew up." Because, all that leaping and bounding? Got little red droplets everywhere. HATE LIFE HATE LIFE HATE LIFE HATE LIFE
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Jack doesn't know this about trolls. More importantly, he doesn't give a fuck. Prussians are dumb. Jack just taps his foot impatiently, still keeping a close watch on the kid with his robotic eye to make sure he doesn't royally fuck this up and end up in the hospital. He's also still pretending he can't see through that, I guess, because for whatever fucking reason this Karkat flips out when people see him bleed? Weird.
"The fuck is your problem, kid? It's just blood."
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"You don't fucking get it, and I'm not explaining it to another Jack." He's got the bandage haphazardly wrapped around his middle, but it's good enough. He's not a fucking heart surgeon here, jegus.
"Almost finished." Karkat will devote the next ten minutes to clean up.
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He scoffs. Oh Karkat, you whiny little shit. "Fine. Don't expect me to care if you're not gonna tell me why."
This is the part where he officially stops caring. He stops doing the eye-closing thing. Sup, looking at you with both eyes now and giving no shits.
"Oh yeah, and this eye isn't just for show, moron." Casually crushes all your hopes and dreams.
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"You--" Dat eye. "You saw."
He stops cleaning up. Stares. RENEWS CLEANING IN A FURIOUS MANNER OH MY GOD THERE IS A SPOT RIGHT THERE AND IT MUST DIE MUCH LIKE THE FRENCH MUST DIE WHEN FACING THE PRUSSIANS DURING THE FRANCO-PRUSSIAN WAR.
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"Unless your blood is fucking acid I don't care, cut that shit out!" It's actually pissing him off quite a bit. Stop getting your OCD all over his beach sheesh.
And in case you missed it the first time: "The fuck is your problem?!"
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But it doesn't mean he won't put up a halfhearted struggle. However, when Jack asks WHAT THE FUCK IF WRONG WITH HIM once more, Karkat can't help but blurt out:
"My blood's fucking wrong, okay?! It's mutant trash, and it basically enforces the fact that my life will be always be a miserable pile of fuck!"
His fists are clenched. Karkat's still holding the bandage that he was using to clean the floor with, but the bloodied-side is hidden in the palm of his hand.
"So don't..." Shit. He admitted it. Oh god. It's Jack. But not his Jack. And what if
what if
oh god.
oh man, oh god.
"Just."
fuck fuck fuck
"Don't tell anyone."
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The world may never know.
He stares at Karkat thoughtfully for a moment longer, then, slowly, releases his grip on the kid's shoulder.
Then he whaps Karkat upside the head with his metal fist.
"Fix my fucking tent first, then we've got a deal."
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"GODDAMNIT THAT FUCKING HURT. FUCK."
AND THEN HE CLEANED UP THE TENT AND IDOLIZED HIS STABDADDY FOREVER AND EVER.
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