Oh my god stop it. Just. God. This is weird enough without you trying to stop me from saying it, okay? I mean if I don't say it now I probably won't say it at all, so. Shut the fuck up.
[ Welp. Vriska is now speaking to a rather interesting spot on the wall just over your shoulder, dude. Wow, that sure is a fascinating wall right there and oh hey look wordvomit time! ]
Sorry.
[ Commence horrifyingly awkward babbling in five, four, three... ]
For killing you, obviously. I mean I think that you know I was sorry for that even if I never said it, but yeah. Now I have said it! I've put it right there on the table where everyone can see it. Well, not everyone. You and me. Whatever.
And. And I'm sorry for calling you fake. I didn't know how much it'd mess with your head or I wouldn't... Bluh, I'm lying again, I probably would still have said it. Because I'm kind of a bitch. You miiiiiiiight have noticed that! Haha. Uh. But anyway I don't really think you're fake. I mean. The way I see it you've had more time being Dave than other Dave has, so how can you be fake? So I'm sorry for that. And for calling you a cluckbeast but you kind of already got me back for that one.
[ ...'sorry for being half-responsible for your death in the alpha timeline too, dude!' might be going too far at this point. Hmm. ]
...And I'm sorry for any other shitty things I've done to you. Directly or indirectly. You know what, consider this just, like, a huuuuuuuuge blanket sorry for any Serket-related shit or we'll be here forever. Um, okay. Done. [ Pause. ] I think.
[Davesprite does, in fact, shut up. Actually, as he listens to the apology and the following wordvomit he just stares and if he wasn't so goddamn cool his mouth might be hanging open a little bit.
[Even after Vriska is done talking, it takes him a second to recover from the shock.]
...Well.
[ohgod how are you supposed to react to something like this]
Uh.
['sorry for making you kill yourself except you don't remember it and I wasn't really myself at the time' doesn't seem quite right after all that.]
I'd pretty much forgiven you for killing me, anyway.
As for the fake thing...
[Wow, that's something he really does not want to discuss right now! MOVING ON.]
[ Okay. Okay, that wasn't so bad. Awkward, sure, and horribly embarrassing and lame and all that junk. But it's also kind of a relief. Somehow. Sort of? ]
Um. Great! Thanks for, uh. Forgiving me.
[ WAIT NOPE NOW IT'S JUST AWKWARD AGAIN. Shit. FIX IT. ]
And stuff. You know. And not being a complete raging asshole about it. I guess.
[ ...Slightly better. Sob. What would a human do here? Oh, right. Smile. HEY DAVE HAVE A SMILE OH MAN THIS IS LIKE SMILECITY OVER HERE ]
Grubnapping. [WAIT THIS IS NOT THE TIME klj;lskj] Uh. Whatever! Like I give a shit. It wasn't you, right? Not really. Besides! It didn't happen to me, it happened to the other me. The old one. And she doesn't matter.
[ Shrug. ] I can say 'I forgive you' if you want, but bluh. Nothing to forgive. And, uh. You know. Empress Revenge over here. If I was pissed off I'd have stabbed you by now or something.
[ WAIT SHIT DON'T TALK ABOUT STABBING DAVE WHAT THE FUCK ]
...But like I said, uh, it's. Fine. No apology needed. As far as I'm concerned you just. Came to help when I called and stuff. And the crap after that never happened! So yeah.
The other you. [His voice is flat and expressionless when he repeats that. Why does this conversation keep veering towards the one subject he wants to avoid more than anything else?]
[And then, still in that lifeless tone, not quite managing to keep a hint of bitterness out:]
[The one that killed herself. He hides his head in his hands at that because suddenly all he can see is blue spraying everywhere and his sword buried in Vriska's stomach. He's pretty sure he'd be feeling sick now if he wasn't (fake) a sprite.]
F-fuck. [No, his shoulders aren't shaking. That's just. Uh. The glitching. Or something.]
[ Oh, no fucking way. No way. There's no way he's crying, coolkids don't cry and AGH ]
[ Oh god he is isn't he oh god oh god oh fuck what do oh god how did this get here Vriska is not good with apologies ]
Hey! Hey, I was trying to be nice!
[ Ffffffff. Why does this ALWAYS go wrong? Vriska reaches out and oh-so-hesitantly offers a very careful pat on the arm. There. That's. Totally comforting, right? Yeah. ]
Oh, come on, I'm really trying over here! Don't - you can't - fuck.
[ Vriska often claims to be the best at everything. This is, in fact, a lie. In reality she's the best at everything except knowing how to comfort people, especially when the person in question is a jerkass coolkid who's sobbing like a wiggler. A jerkass coolkid that she's ridiculously fucking pale for, no less, when the fuck did that even happen anyway goddamn ]
[ She panics for a moment simply because she has no idea what to do. One of the humans would know, but if she calls for help then they'll see him crying and he totally wouldn't want that and oh GOD WHY ]
Just. Fuck!
[ Okay, Dave. Have an unbelievably awkward hug. The most awkward. Awkward because she's having to approach from the side to avoid that chestsword, awkward because it's hard to figure out where her arms are supposed to go around your wings at this angle, and awkward because it's Vriska and she doesn't hug or get hugged EVER. ]
[Congratulations, Vriska, the hug is a success! It makes Davesprite stop crying!
Or at least he's not sobbing uncontrollably anymore. He's just raising his head to stare and sniffle at you. There's still orange goop running from his eyes. Yuck.
Then, after a couple of seconds of staring, he shakes again and it almost seems like he's going to start crying again except the tears have stopped now.
It's shaky and not exactly joyous, but he's laughing.]
[ FUCK YEAH, Vriska is now also the best at comforting people. Undisputed hugmastery is what this is. She has All The Cuddlelevels. She's purchased all the Legendary Hugmotifs and is pulling off some sweet God Tier Snuggletechs. Yeah!!!!!!!! ]
[ ...Is what she'd probably be thinking if it wasn't for the whole laughing thing. So she lets go, steps back and folds her arms sulkily. ]
Knew I should've slapped you out of it instead. It wasn't that bad, asshole!
Haha. That an offer to help me practice? Bulgefiend.
[ Oops, just going to. Casually look away for a minute. Because even without the tears, there's something almost indecent about uncovered Strider eyes. Bluh. ]
And, uh. Don't mention it, I guess. Someone has to stop you from blubbing yourself into a gooey orange sprite-coma, right? So. Yeah.
I guess it is. I mean, hugging isn't really part of the coolkid repertoire, but shit. You might end up hurting someone if you aren't taught the proper art of cuddles.
[The shades are back on, along with the familiar pokerface.
Well, a pretty good attempt at a pokerface, at least. There are still some sads visible in that expression if you look closely.]
Oh my god stop it. Just. God. This is weird enough without you trying to stop me from saying it, okay? I mean if I don't say it now I probably won't say it at all, so. Shut the fuck up.
[ Welp. Vriska is now speaking to a rather interesting spot on the wall just over your shoulder, dude. Wow, that sure is a fascinating wall right there and oh hey look wordvomit time! ]
Sorry.
[ Commence horrifyingly awkward babbling in five, four, three... ]
For killing you, obviously. I mean I think that you know I was sorry for that even if I never said it, but yeah. Now I have said it! I've put it right there on the table where everyone can see it. Well, not everyone. You and me. Whatever.
And. And I'm sorry for calling you fake. I didn't know how much it'd mess with your head or I wouldn't... Bluh, I'm lying again, I probably would still have said it. Because I'm kind of a bitch. You miiiiiiiight have noticed that! Haha. Uh. But anyway I don't really think you're fake. I mean. The way I see it you've had more time being Dave than other Dave has, so how can you be fake? So I'm sorry for that. And for calling you a cluckbeast but you kind of already got me back for that one.
[ ...'sorry for being half-responsible for your death in the alpha timeline too, dude!' might be going too far at this point. Hmm. ]
...And I'm sorry for any other shitty things I've done to you. Directly or indirectly. You know what, consider this just, like, a huuuuuuuuge blanket sorry for any Serket-related shit or we'll be here forever. Um, okay. Done. [ Pause. ] I think.
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[Even after Vriska is done talking, it takes him a second to recover from the shock.]
...Well.
[ohgod how are you supposed to react to something like this]
Uh.
['sorry for making you kill yourself except you don't remember it and I wasn't really myself at the time' doesn't seem quite right after all that.]
I'd pretty much forgiven you for killing me, anyway.
As for the fake thing...
[Wow, that's something he really does not want to discuss right now! MOVING ON.]
Uh, anyway.
[ARGH so much awkward in here.]
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Um. Great! Thanks for, uh. Forgiving me.
[ WAIT NOPE NOW IT'S JUST AWKWARD AGAIN. Shit. FIX IT. ]
And stuff. You know. And not being a complete raging asshole about it. I guess.
[ ...Slightly better. Sob. What would a human do here? Oh, right. Smile. HEY DAVE HAVE A SMILE OH MAN THIS IS LIKE SMILECITY OVER HERE ]
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Yeah, well. I am actually capable of not being a complete asshole all of the time.
[Pause. Should he or shouldn't he? And then Vriska SMILES OH GOD HOW CAN SHE BE HAPPY SO MUCH GUILT.
I, uh. I'm sorry too.
I mean, I know it's not really... I was brainwashed and. Anyway.
Sorry for. For the whole kidnapping thing.
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[ Shrug. ] I can say 'I forgive you' if you want, but bluh. Nothing to forgive. And, uh. You know. Empress Revenge over here. If I was pissed off I'd have stabbed you by now or something.
[ WAIT SHIT DON'T TALK ABOUT STABBING DAVE WHAT THE FUCK ]
...But like I said, uh, it's. Fine. No apology needed. As far as I'm concerned you just. Came to help when I called and stuff. And the crap after that never happened! So yeah.
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[And then, still in that lifeless tone, not quite managing to keep a hint of bitterness out:]
Yeah. Didn't happen. Isn't that great.
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[ ...Okay, this isn't going so well. Even Vriska can't fail to notice the change in tone here. Fucking Earth human apologies, Jegus. So complicated.
Hmm. What would John do in this situation? ]
You want to, uh.
Talk about it? Or. Anything. I guess.
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F-fuck. [No, his shoulders aren't shaking. That's just. Uh. The glitching. Or something.]
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[ Oh, no fucking way. No way. There's no way he's crying, coolkids don't cry and AGH ]
[ Oh god he is isn't he oh god oh god oh fuck what do oh god how did this get here Vriska is not good with apologies ]
Hey! Hey, I was trying to be nice!
[ Ffffffff. Why does this ALWAYS go wrong? Vriska reaches out and oh-so-hesitantly offers a very careful pat on the arm. There. That's. Totally comforting, right? Yeah. ]
Uh. There, there...?
[ Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh D:::: ]
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[It's just that suddenly everything about the past week is slamming through his head; every completely retarded thing he did and said and felt and]
[okay let's face the facts he is totally crying]
[and it's not even a manly cry, fuck, this is so embarassing and that just makes it even worse.]
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[ Vriska often claims to be the best at everything. This is, in fact, a lie. In reality she's the best at everything except knowing how to comfort people, especially when the person in question is a jerkass coolkid who's sobbing like a wiggler. A jerkass coolkid that she's ridiculously fucking pale for, no less, when the fuck did that even happen anyway goddamn ]
[ She panics for a moment simply because she has no idea what to do. One of the humans would know, but if she calls for help then they'll see him crying and he totally wouldn't want that and oh GOD WHY ]
Just. Fuck!
[ Okay, Dave. Have an unbelievably awkward hug. The most awkward. Awkward because she's having to approach from the side to avoid that chestsword, awkward because it's hard to figure out where her arms are supposed to go around your wings at this angle, and awkward because it's Vriska and she doesn't hug or get hugged EVER. ]
[ Pretty fucking awkward, then. ]
It's okay, god.
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Or at least he's not sobbing uncontrollably anymore. He's just raising his head to stare and sniffle at you. There's still orange goop running from his eyes. Yuck.
Then, after a couple of seconds of staring, he shakes again and it almost seems like he's going to start crying again except the tears have stopped now.
It's shaky and not exactly joyous, but he's laughing.]
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[ ...Is what she'd probably be thinking if it wasn't for the whole laughing thing. So she lets go, steps back and folds her arms sulkily. ]
Knew I should've slapped you out of it instead. It wasn't that bad, asshole!
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You are pretty much the shittiest hugger in the history of Paradox Space, Vriska.
[...]
Thanks.
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[ Oops, just going to. Casually look away for a minute. Because even without the tears, there's something almost indecent about uncovered Strider eyes. Bluh. ]
And, uh. Don't mention it, I guess. Someone has to stop you from blubbing yourself into a gooey orange sprite-coma, right? So. Yeah.
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[The shades are back on, along with the familiar pokerface.
Well, a pretty good attempt at a pokerface, at least. There are still some sads visible in that expression if you look closely.]
Besides, it's ironic as fuck.
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