002 | video
[The feed opens to show a room in one of the barracks in Kurzweil. Or what was one, at least - it looks like something blew up in there. There are scorch marks and smoke everywhere, though at least nothing seems to be on fire anymore
( Read more... )
[WAIT UH NO]
I mean. Man! Sucks to be you. With the. Flammable Earth human monkeys? Sounds, like. The most terrible. The worst!
[...]
I like. Exploding buildings, too.
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...Good for you?
[What is this even WAIT SHIT EXPLODING THINGS IS BAD ISN'T IT]
I hope you don't go around exploding buildings very often. I doubt the authorities would be pleased with that.
[Remember, kids: terrorism is bad and gets you mindraped and/or assassinated by the secret police.]
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[WHAT authorit-- oh]
Hypothingy and her dumb pet robolegislacerator? Please! Like I care. I explode what I want!
...I mean. I explode things because. There might be Earth monkeys in there that are not on fire! Duh.
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WHICH IS WORSE, WANTON DESTRUCTION OR MONKEYS???
...
like it even needs to be asked.]
Sounds reasonable.
[unlike certain spacebrits who left reason somewhere in Tau Ceti V]
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Better than SHODOUCHE, anyway! She sent you bombs, too? Way to steal ideas from the Terezis and-slash-or Earth Human Hobo Jack! God.
[ LAUNCHING INTO AN ANTI-TEREZI/HOBO RANT NOW
OH GOD
RUN WHILE YOU CAN ]
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One bomb. I was expecting more, to be honest, so I was a little disappointed. Until the monkey package showed up. I guess she does care after all.
Jack's the guy who wrote that last pregnancy rant, right? Has he been sending people bombs too?
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[ SHODAN YOU WILL NEVER GET A KISMESIS IF RANDOM, ENTIRELY-UNRELATED HOBOS ARE OUTSHINING YOU LIKE THIS
GOD ]
But right! That's Jack. My friend John thinks he sent the bombs to make me not invimouse-pregnant. Or. Something.
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[SUCH A TSUNDERE]
Explosives are pretty good for getting rid of mutantbabies. A little too imprecise for my tastes, but...
[...]
But anyway, those wouldn't be the kind of mutants we're talking here. I presume.
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No no, I am entirely sure that these are the explodable kind. You've. Exploded mutantbabies before?
[ How do I~
Get through one night without youuuuuuuu~ ]
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[oh god where is that music coming from]
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Is that what the monkeys were?!
[SHHH SHHH. ONLY IDOLISING NOW.]
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Sure, let's go with that.
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I just moved you up to a more prominent place on my Wall of Badassery.
That's a pretty big deal.
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[WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, LITTLE ALIEN GIRL]
I'm. Honoured, I guess?
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