Confusing.
Right now it's SO weird... Like I'm in a kinda place where I don't have any feeling about anything... Aside from TONS of confusion. I mean.. Yeah.. My life is great. My CrAzY psycho scary verbally abusive manager is basically out of the picture, she got me work yes... but honestly she was horrible to me... I have a new top manager who is taking me on along with a wayy stronger agency then I have right now. Downfall: Pilot season starts in a matter of days and by the time I get back (the 16th) it'll be hard to get myself settled with them. If I stayed with my crazy manager I would get the perk of already being established with her, and same goes for my agent. But, if I turn this opportunity down then I may just be settling and going nowhere. AHHH. I hate these kinda decisions. I'm making it sound like it doesn't make me happy.. and OMG that's totally opposite, it just is tons of rejection, put-downs, and will-testing. I honestly don't do what I do b/c I'm told to.. but it's honestly just b/c I could never live without it. The only other thing I'm dreading is going back to L.A and leaving behind my fiancee, friends, and family for another 7 months. And with that it's also bittersweet.. I mean I have to leave Petey for a while, but then he's uprooting his life to L.A just for me. I'm so blessed and then at the same time A LOT comes along with the good. Oh well.... I totally shouldn't be complaining. I just think it's kinda crazy when ppl say my life is perfect. And I have to agree that it's A LOT better then most... but it's not like it comes at an easy prize or that my family and I haven't given up a lot for it. I work really hard.. I honestly do... and I'm not partying or taking advantage of having my own apartment (unless you count getting to belt out songs at the top of my lungs while i'm naked.. haha, I've actually never tried that but it sounds fun). But yeah... just b/c acting and singing seems like the easy life, it's honestly not. But yes, I'm blessed and just so lucky in general to get to live my dream. But seriously, ah, cut me some slack... it's not always so easy. =) . Alright I'm done complaining.