(no subject)
I feel weird. Talking with my mom really helps a lot though, I'm realizing. I bottle everything up. Once I let out what was bothering me, she gave me some really good advice, with her having been in the same situation before. I just feel weird. I couldn't sleep last night. I crawled into bed with my mom for the first time in about 3-4 years. I shouldn't've called him, but it felt weird not talking to him at night. I'm so used to it. Isn't he? Didn't he want to hear my voice at least? I want him to have fun, it's just weird that I can't have fun with him. I'm not calling him anymore this weekend. Frankly, it does feel sort of hard to talk to him when I feel this way right now. I guess like, even when I'm having fun, I still want to talk to him at night for just a little while before I go to bad...is that bad? Maybe I'd feel a little better if I knew that his friends talked to me, online at least. The only one I really talk to is Samir. Everyone else, it's always me initiating conversation online, and maybe that's wrong since I do feel uncomfortable. Maybe I'm being two-faced, and I shouldn't.
I think I got a total of 2 good hours of sleep last night. I just want to see my brother right now. Without him here, I've realized how hard things can be.
I have to take a math placement test today, that I don't feel ready for at all.
My flute bid is up to $15.50. I hope it goes up more. I need money BADLY!
I feel sad, and weird, and attempting to get busy and be happy. Is it bad to say that I feel sort of un-loved this morning? Maybe I don't know what I'm feeling. I guess I just would have felt so much better if he took the time to call me and leave a message. I loved it when he did that...even if I did make the mistake of calling him at 1:30am when I know I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have because I could hear people in the backround and I probably interrupted his fun without me, and that just made me feel worse that I had to hear it. I shouldn't've called. He was so adamant on going alone this weekend. I guess it just made me feel a little bad. But I understand.
I just feel weird.
I think I got a total of 2 good hours of sleep last night. I just want to see my brother right now. Without him here, I've realized how hard things can be.
I have to take a math placement test today, that I don't feel ready for at all.
My flute bid is up to $15.50. I hope it goes up more. I need money BADLY!
I feel sad, and weird, and attempting to get busy and be happy. Is it bad to say that I feel sort of un-loved this morning? Maybe I don't know what I'm feeling. I guess I just would have felt so much better if he took the time to call me and leave a message. I loved it when he did that...even if I did make the mistake of calling him at 1:30am when I know I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have because I could hear people in the backround and I probably interrupted his fun without me, and that just made me feel worse that I had to hear it. I shouldn't've called. He was so adamant on going alone this weekend. I guess it just made me feel a little bad. But I understand.
I just feel weird.