Well shit.
Yes... I got "over" the journal ish. I just always had more important things to do like; Be with my boyfriend,and hate my job. ok maybe thats it, but still. my job has been horrible. Not only have I not been promoted in a year, but they took all my friends away from me and moved us all around. I hate ralphs. But now a days I have a boyfriend named Jarin. I just call im j. He's sweet, we are at nearly 5 months. He says he wants to grow old with me. its early, but he may be the one. I love being with him. even when we argue we make up fast so we can spend more time together. I do love him though. everything about him. especially his back. he has a woderful back. I scratch his back every night until he falls asleep. its cute. he says he can't sleep without me being there. way cute. Him and I are gonna be working together starting soon ish. He will have a job and car. UPGRADE. i could be on that comercial for the tampons... they keep going "upgrade" j is my upgrade. i love him. we fight though.
we fought big last weekend. we broke up, and I went out. I said I wanted room, he wouldn't give me room. he showed up where I was. the yelling commenced. we moved our fight outside. a lady called the cops on us so we walked and fought. then we found a little alley. thats when it happened. he pushed me into a wall. he hadn't ment to, he just wanted to push me away from him, but there was a wall. it hit my back and head. so i started to run back to where we had been. he grab around me and kept saying "baby i'm sorry" "I didn't mean to" "baby baby baby..." but I kept sceaming and hitting him as hard as I could but he just kept holding, then he held my arms down. so I head butted his face. he let go. i ran. he screamed "fine. go!" so i did. i ran back to the party, found our mutual friend, kyle and cried and cried on him. he just kept saying he'd protect me, and take care of me, stroking my back and arms, I felt so safe. i put my guard down. he kissed me. i was scared. i went down stairs again, got my stuff and sat around a bit, letting people feel sorry for me. i needed it right then. i should be allowed to sit and let people feel sorry for me when something like that happens right? right? i get a call. its kyle. i pick up, its jarin on kyles phone "come out front and talk to me" "fine" so i do. he asks if we can go to the park and talk. ok. kyle says he will check on me. i tell j he can't touch me at all. he says ok. we sit on the steps and talk. he says he wants to grow old with me and spend his life with me. shit. i was planning on going free and spending time doing what i wanted. now what... a friend comes out and says "mandy are you ok?" yea... kyle sent him to check on me. that was nice. he really will protect me. I said I was fine. j and I keep talking (about half an hour in between each person) then kyle walks up, asks j if he can talk to me a sec. j says fine. Kyle pulls me to the side and says "I knew I really liked you, but I never knew how much til I kissed you. this is your choice to make, but if you dont stay with jarin just know that i will never hurt you." how could you say no to never hurting again. i had stuff to think about. i tell j. he should know. kyle was his friend before i was. he is mad. i tell him i want to enjoy the rest of the night and i want him to leave. he says fine. i go back inside. walk around a bit and decide this isn't where i want to be. i get my stuff together again and start to leave. j walks in. i tell him we're leaving and he follows.we sit on my bed talking and kyle calls. shit. j says put it on loudspeaker, he wants to hear it for himself. i do "hey are you with jarin" I lie "no" he says "I really want to be with you mandy, you deserve better" " k kyle, bye" click. he calls 2 more times, i dont answer. jarin like says he wants to kill him. shit shit shit. i want to cry. did i do the right thing? i love jarin. even if we fight, i should choose love over some guy i just really like right? what if kyle would treat me better? but 5 months... ahhhhhhhhhhh! to quicken it up a little, i stayed with j. i love him. i pray it works. well... thats it.
~Mandy
P.S. he calls me his princess /\/\/\
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we fought big last weekend. we broke up, and I went out. I said I wanted room, he wouldn't give me room. he showed up where I was. the yelling commenced. we moved our fight outside. a lady called the cops on us so we walked and fought. then we found a little alley. thats when it happened. he pushed me into a wall. he hadn't ment to, he just wanted to push me away from him, but there was a wall. it hit my back and head. so i started to run back to where we had been. he grab around me and kept saying "baby i'm sorry" "I didn't mean to" "baby baby baby..." but I kept sceaming and hitting him as hard as I could but he just kept holding, then he held my arms down. so I head butted his face. he let go. i ran. he screamed "fine. go!" so i did. i ran back to the party, found our mutual friend, kyle and cried and cried on him. he just kept saying he'd protect me, and take care of me, stroking my back and arms, I felt so safe. i put my guard down. he kissed me. i was scared. i went down stairs again, got my stuff and sat around a bit, letting people feel sorry for me. i needed it right then. i should be allowed to sit and let people feel sorry for me when something like that happens right? right? i get a call. its kyle. i pick up, its jarin on kyles phone "come out front and talk to me" "fine" so i do. he asks if we can go to the park and talk. ok. kyle says he will check on me. i tell j he can't touch me at all. he says ok. we sit on the steps and talk. he says he wants to grow old with me and spend his life with me. shit. i was planning on going free and spending time doing what i wanted. now what... a friend comes out and says "mandy are you ok?" yea... kyle sent him to check on me. that was nice. he really will protect me. I said I was fine. j and I keep talking (about half an hour in between each person) then kyle walks up, asks j if he can talk to me a sec. j says fine. Kyle pulls me to the side and says "I knew I really liked you, but I never knew how much til I kissed you. this is your choice to make, but if you dont stay with jarin just know that i will never hurt you." how could you say no to never hurting again. i had stuff to think about. i tell j. he should know. kyle was his friend before i was. he is mad. i tell him i want to enjoy the rest of the night and i want him to leave. he says fine. i go back inside. walk around a bit and decide this isn't where i want to be. i get my stuff together again and start to leave. j walks in. i tell him we're leaving and he follows.we sit on my bed talking and kyle calls. shit. j says put it on loudspeaker, he wants to hear it for himself. i do "hey are you with jarin" I lie "no" he says "I really want to be with you mandy, you deserve better" " k kyle, bye" click. he calls 2 more times, i dont answer. jarin like says he wants to kill him. shit shit shit. i want to cry. did i do the right thing? i love jarin. even if we fight, i should choose love over some guy i just really like right? what if kyle would treat me better? but 5 months... ahhhhhhhhhhh! to quicken it up a little, i stayed with j. i love him. i pray it works. well... thats it.
~Mandy
P.S. he calls me his princess /\/\/\
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