(no subject)
So I've been diving into my heart a lot lately. Some real good things have been coming out. I've realized a lot more why I seem so torn inside. God's been showing me a lot of the mindsets that my abuse has created in me. It's amazing how things can sort of implant themselves in your brain and effect every aspect of your life. I'm also learning how often I compromise. It's funny. You wouldn't think the General would be the compromising type. But I am starting to see just how much of the General i have "lost" because i felt told she was wrong. It's amazing to me just how much or the Princess I refuse to share because im convinced I will be told im wrong. I'm so afraid of being wrong. no...im so afraid of being told im wrong. And so i so often live in this world where i compromise what i think, what i believe, what i feel, what im convinced is true to live where i think im expected to be. And my defenses have gotten so good at covering that up. When God first revealed it to me i was like...um no, i dont really care what people think and im pretty opinionated. But God revealed im only opinionated on things that either A: don't really matter or B: somewhere along the line I had recieved encouragement or confirmation on it. I found that interesting. I have lost my boldness. Not lost it, but given it up i think. I'm really tired of conforming. I'd like you guys to hold me to something. Ask me what I REALLY think. or what I REALLY feel. or what I REALLY believe. Don't just take my first answer all the time. especially on heart issues. I've found that i really dont know my heart as well as I thought I did...and I certaintly don't share it well...