ha ha ha, ho ho ho, and a couple of tra la las...
THE FUNNY MOMENTS OF WINTER 2007
Berdawn: (about her niece, who is going through the "princess" phase) You don’t want to be a princess. Princesses have no marketable skills.
Girl in Chipotle: Well, I’m getting a dog soon, so I won’t be needing a boyfriend much longer.
Dan Bolton: (greeting people in the computer lab) Hello, various human beings.
ChrisP: I want to go to work!
Kate: Most people are thrilled to get a paid day off.
ChrisP: Most people have lives!
Robbie: …are your earrings cheese?
Michelle: (almost flattered) No, but don’t they look like it?!
Dr. Barkhymer: Next we move on to Corelli. ... There’s not much to say about him as a human being.
Chris: (about Anne Nicole) She’s that bitch who just died…yeah, I’m going to hell for that. If it’s not all the Jew jokes, it’ll be that.
Spencer (on Pussycat Dolls as a symbol of female empowerment): But it’s only empowering because they dress so guys will want them, and then they turn them down. That’s as empowering as flashing a steak before an Ethiopian child’s face.
Kate: (about Robert Sean Leonard) Who met him? I did.
Spencer: So did I. I had sex with him.
Kate: No you didn’t.
Spencer: Yes I did.
ChrisP: I was there.
(awkward pause)
Chris: Sloppy seconds!
Spencer: Now she’s going to cry.
Dani: Yea, but she’ll cry after I leave, so what do I care?
And the rest are from Eleni Mavromatidou, my CRAZY greek Integrative Studies teacher. she was hilarious, but also quite psychotic. so, now for MAVROMATIDOUISMS
Mavromatidou: It needs to be a story. A fictional story.
Boy in class: So it needs to have a plot?
David: Wait, what?
Mavromatidou: Oh, he was not here. He just woke up.
David: What band is this?
Mavro: Bach.
David: I thought I heard REO Speedwagon.
Mavro: It is an aria…
I make love to my books, and I want you to, too.
I have constructed a model about the human experience, and it is crude, but this is what I say: We are born, we eat, we shit, we fuck, we die.
I am no…bleeding-heart liberal, as you all call it, because I do not think compassion is useful. If you feel bad for soldiers, so what? It doesn’t DO anything.
(random outburst) Switzerland is the biggest joke known to man!
I have lived on three continents, and this is what I have learned about the human condition: there are two kinds of people. Good people, and assholes.
Oh, I use the F-word too much, and this is a Christian college…
I cannot rest until every person in every last isolated corner of the world has enough to eat and is free of violence. Then I can die. And take my shoes off.
I told you, I cannot drink martinis. I can only drink light beer, which makes me fat and not high at all!
I do not grade papers. I hold them all over a fan, and the ones that blow to the right I fail, the ones that blow to the left I pass.
(regarding me and another boy): Class, you are all wonderful. But I have fallen in love with these two students.
Berdawn: (about her niece, who is going through the "princess" phase) You don’t want to be a princess. Princesses have no marketable skills.
Girl in Chipotle: Well, I’m getting a dog soon, so I won’t be needing a boyfriend much longer.
Dan Bolton: (greeting people in the computer lab) Hello, various human beings.
ChrisP: I want to go to work!
Kate: Most people are thrilled to get a paid day off.
ChrisP: Most people have lives!
Robbie: …are your earrings cheese?
Michelle: (almost flattered) No, but don’t they look like it?!
Dr. Barkhymer: Next we move on to Corelli. ... There’s not much to say about him as a human being.
Chris: (about Anne Nicole) She’s that bitch who just died…yeah, I’m going to hell for that. If it’s not all the Jew jokes, it’ll be that.
Spencer (on Pussycat Dolls as a symbol of female empowerment): But it’s only empowering because they dress so guys will want them, and then they turn them down. That’s as empowering as flashing a steak before an Ethiopian child’s face.
Kate: (about Robert Sean Leonard) Who met him? I did.
Spencer: So did I. I had sex with him.
Kate: No you didn’t.
Spencer: Yes I did.
ChrisP: I was there.
(awkward pause)
Chris: Sloppy seconds!
Spencer: Now she’s going to cry.
Dani: Yea, but she’ll cry after I leave, so what do I care?
And the rest are from Eleni Mavromatidou, my CRAZY greek Integrative Studies teacher. she was hilarious, but also quite psychotic. so, now for MAVROMATIDOUISMS
Mavromatidou: It needs to be a story. A fictional story.
Boy in class: So it needs to have a plot?
David: Wait, what?
Mavromatidou: Oh, he was not here. He just woke up.
David: What band is this?
Mavro: Bach.
David: I thought I heard REO Speedwagon.
Mavro: It is an aria…
I make love to my books, and I want you to, too.
I have constructed a model about the human experience, and it is crude, but this is what I say: We are born, we eat, we shit, we fuck, we die.
I am no…bleeding-heart liberal, as you all call it, because I do not think compassion is useful. If you feel bad for soldiers, so what? It doesn’t DO anything.
(random outburst) Switzerland is the biggest joke known to man!
I have lived on three continents, and this is what I have learned about the human condition: there are two kinds of people. Good people, and assholes.
Oh, I use the F-word too much, and this is a Christian college…
I cannot rest until every person in every last isolated corner of the world has enough to eat and is free of violence. Then I can die. And take my shoes off.
I told you, I cannot drink martinis. I can only drink light beer, which makes me fat and not high at all!
I do not grade papers. I hold them all over a fan, and the ones that blow to the right I fail, the ones that blow to the left I pass.
(regarding me and another boy): Class, you are all wonderful. But I have fallen in love with these two students.