best friends
You know, I use the phrase "one of my best friends" fairly often. It occurred to me today, however, that I ought to think about who these people are.
I have a number of close friends and an even bigger number of casual friends, but none of these friends are "best" friends. "Best" friends are subtly different. There is a mutual understanding there, something that brings to mind this Dalai Lama quote:
"The best relationship is that in which your love for one another exceeds your need for one another."
This is a difficult state to achieve. It sounds so easy and natural, but it's not. We tend to need loyalty and affection and time from friends because these things are components of friendship, and yet we understand that we all get busy or sick or distracted or unable from time to time. In these times we are faced with a dilemma: say something to them, stress them out, and make it look like you do not trust them -- or say nothing to them, hurt inside, and risk not knowing until too late that the distance between you is to terrible to cross?
This is where best friends come into play. With best friends you need not face this dilemma. You can safely tell them you are concerned about the ongoing distance between you and work toward fixing it, or you can safely say nothing about it and know in the end they will return. Physical and temporal distance don't matter, save that they make you miss each other sometimes.
Talking about this has caused me to realize that I have three very clear best friends. One is in Spain, one is in West Chester, and one in Columbus bapping around on her way to class. There is another in Florida with whom I share a similar relationship, but he is a "brother." There are one or two others I could identify in a similar way.
I have another friend who is forcing me to re-evaluate where exactly they fit in this puzzle, and whether or not my perception of them is wistful or totally solid. Could it be that I want them to be a best friend but the security and closeness just isn't mutual, or could it be that they are a best friend, but it hurts too much to realize that I'm stuck in the above dilemma?
With best friends in the past it's always been so clear-cut. Now, with everything murky, I wonder if I've been an idiot again?
I have a number of close friends and an even bigger number of casual friends, but none of these friends are "best" friends. "Best" friends are subtly different. There is a mutual understanding there, something that brings to mind this Dalai Lama quote:
"The best relationship is that in which your love for one another exceeds your need for one another."
This is a difficult state to achieve. It sounds so easy and natural, but it's not. We tend to need loyalty and affection and time from friends because these things are components of friendship, and yet we understand that we all get busy or sick or distracted or unable from time to time. In these times we are faced with a dilemma: say something to them, stress them out, and make it look like you do not trust them -- or say nothing to them, hurt inside, and risk not knowing until too late that the distance between you is to terrible to cross?
This is where best friends come into play. With best friends you need not face this dilemma. You can safely tell them you are concerned about the ongoing distance between you and work toward fixing it, or you can safely say nothing about it and know in the end they will return. Physical and temporal distance don't matter, save that they make you miss each other sometimes.
Talking about this has caused me to realize that I have three very clear best friends. One is in Spain, one is in West Chester, and one in Columbus bapping around on her way to class. There is another in Florida with whom I share a similar relationship, but he is a "brother." There are one or two others I could identify in a similar way.
I have another friend who is forcing me to re-evaluate where exactly they fit in this puzzle, and whether or not my perception of them is wistful or totally solid. Could it be that I want them to be a best friend but the security and closeness just isn't mutual, or could it be that they are a best friend, but it hurts too much to realize that I'm stuck in the above dilemma?
With best friends in the past it's always been so clear-cut. Now, with everything murky, I wonder if I've been an idiot again?