life
Wow.
I just spent the last three hours sitting down and loosely planning out my class schedule for the next two and a half years. I opened up a spread-sheet and made a tentative plan of what classes I will need to take each quarter, which was made fairly easy by the Business College models but still a bit complex because I had to identify each class. I then tried to balance difficulty, interest level, and relative class times to see if they could fit... and they did. And I made a number of realizations:
1.) I am going to dual focus in International Business. I have always wanted to, but I'd never actually looked to see if it so was possible. It is. In fact, it will only require about 3 or 4 extra classes. I am startled by own jubilance about this.
2.) After this quarter, I will no longer be in the Honors program. This is my choice.
3.) I am not going to minor in Environmental Economics after all. The class times are too bizarre to physically FIT 20 hours' worth of minors classes in with a dual focus.
4.) There are gaps in my schedule after all. It may be that my other classes are hard enough without grabbing a fourth or a fifth one, but this excites me. I want to take Italian, Chinese, Religious Studies, other languages and literatures... it will be good. Please let me know if there is any class, no matter how off the wall, you think I should consider. I will.
5.) All of my classes next year except for Econ 560 begin with a 6 or 7. This... should be extremely intimidating. Oooh.
6.) But I am surprised to find that underneath this surface-level despair I am wildly optimistic about my future as a business student. Right now, as I grind through the pre-reqs and GEC's that drag me down, I find my confidence failing and my frustration rising at the fact that school no longer interests me or reflects my efforts. But now, I can see that after this year the hell of GEC's and pre-reqs is over, and I get to take REAL classes that will give me a chance to (ideally!) shine. Finally, I can start to feel EAGER to learn again. I can be fascinated and challenged by classes I care about, not tortured by those I would rather avoid. International Marketing, Consumer Behaviour, and a whole host of interesting things... there are good times ahead. Yeah, I gotta take some death finance and human resources and crap, but only a little. I find that I do fear their intimidating numbers half so much as I should. COuld it be because I feel I might, in some corner of my soul, have a TALENT for them...? Math and accounting are not my forte, but communications and marketing I know. I can do these things so far and hopefully I will do them better when taught. It will be completely liberating when I can finally take courses that play to my strengths rather than rub salt in my gaping weaknesses.
6.) College goes by really damn fast. I almost half done with it already. Can I really learn all I need to know in just two years? Am I really a freakin' BUSINESS student? In the summer of '08 box, I put a row of "???????" ... it puts butterflies in my stomach to look at. Will I have an awesome job by then? Will I feel trapped by something I hate? What if I have to move miles away? What if I am still single, will I have to live alone and discontent? What if my GPA isn't high enough for grad school? What if something happens between now and then that changes my life? How many countries will I have set foot on? How many mountains will I have climbed? Will I still be the same Anna? Butterflies, irridiscent and dizzying.
7.) Oakland never sleeps. Despite this, no one in this house has EVER become snarky with one another. We don't get bitchy. We don't have conflicts. We don't take out zero hours of sleep on our environment or each other. We just keep going, peaceful and silly. We grab naps when we can, force people to stay awake when we must, find strength in each other... We share the late-night snacks we make with each other and take study breaks together.
It's true that I would have gone to bed much earlier every night this week had I lived somewhere else, but never could I say that I stayed up so late completely in vain. I stay up sometimes in order to motivate other people to stay up, and othertimes other people stay up late to motivate me. In this way I am extraordinarily productive at night, just as I have been extraordinarily productive this entire week. I would not have done this if I did not have Oakland.
I also would not have been able to spend the time my productivity at night freed up with such wonderful people... thank you, guys. You know who you are. The last week and a half has been more or less awesome.
Let it be known that I am thankful beyond words.
8.) I will almost definitely be studying abroad in Salamanca, Spain during the summer of '07 (and if that somehow fails, it will be summer '08.) Classes last for roughly two months and after that I'll be travelling Europe, and I am currently seeking companions to travel the continent around with me. I intend to mail my most of my luggage back and backpack from hostel to hostel, camping if I can or otherwise staying wherever is safe. I would prefer some male companions on this for obvious safety reasons, and I also need people who will definitely be able to go along. I can give you a better timeframe later, but so far we are looking at August.
9.) Army/Navy boys and I seem to be tragically drawn to each other. This is a bad thing. Somebody help me find me a non-deployable equivalent ASAP. ;)
10.)
I am 20 years old. I am wearing a velvet-tanktop, stupid blue ankle socks, and a black furry hoody. I like things that are soft.
My hair is blonde-shoulder-length, layered, ridiculous with static. A few months ago I looked like a boy. I still act like one often, but now I don't look so butch,
I have put on weight, but I have also put on muscle. I have been working out hard. My muscles are currently on fire from aerobics this morning and I am apparently very pale... but I do not chalk this up to medical reasons. I think I am just extremely European-looking.
I am sipping a blue Nalgene and listening to Garth Brooks' "Two Pina Coladas." I sort of wish I had two of those right now, but I am too hungry to think about alcohol. I also am not much into drinking, for all the random moments I think it would be nice. I am not into many things most people are, but I am into more things most people are not. Right now I have a strong desire to be physical. Rock-climbing, aerobics, martial arts, archery, belly-dancing, and hiking... oh, and sex. I would like that right now. I am tired, but I'm cuddly when I'm sleepy. In fact, I usually am.
Imbolc is coming up and as I think of this I find that there are butterflies again in my stomach... I am so unworthy of so many things. And yet, there they are, lavished upon me.
It is 1:48am right now. I have work at 9:30 tomorrow in Delaware, an internship I dislike but that pays me well. I have hardly any homework this weekend. I have plenty of DP work to do.
Now my music has changed as I finish cleaning my room enough for sleep;
I am singing:
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive-by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes and you don't mind
You smile
And say the world, it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you, you're so serene
Careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt
You're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you
There's things I would like to do
That you don't believe in
I would like to build something
But you'll never see it happen
And there's this burning, like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've... I've never been so alive
There are so many things I will never be able to fully express myself.
There are even more things I would never WANT to express, even if I could.
I haven't eaten in 7 hours...
But I am used to feeling hungry.
I just spent the last three hours sitting down and loosely planning out my class schedule for the next two and a half years. I opened up a spread-sheet and made a tentative plan of what classes I will need to take each quarter, which was made fairly easy by the Business College models but still a bit complex because I had to identify each class. I then tried to balance difficulty, interest level, and relative class times to see if they could fit... and they did. And I made a number of realizations:
1.) I am going to dual focus in International Business. I have always wanted to, but I'd never actually looked to see if it so was possible. It is. In fact, it will only require about 3 or 4 extra classes. I am startled by own jubilance about this.
2.) After this quarter, I will no longer be in the Honors program. This is my choice.
3.) I am not going to minor in Environmental Economics after all. The class times are too bizarre to physically FIT 20 hours' worth of minors classes in with a dual focus.
4.) There are gaps in my schedule after all. It may be that my other classes are hard enough without grabbing a fourth or a fifth one, but this excites me. I want to take Italian, Chinese, Religious Studies, other languages and literatures... it will be good. Please let me know if there is any class, no matter how off the wall, you think I should consider. I will.
5.) All of my classes next year except for Econ 560 begin with a 6 or 7. This... should be extremely intimidating. Oooh.
6.) But I am surprised to find that underneath this surface-level despair I am wildly optimistic about my future as a business student. Right now, as I grind through the pre-reqs and GEC's that drag me down, I find my confidence failing and my frustration rising at the fact that school no longer interests me or reflects my efforts. But now, I can see that after this year the hell of GEC's and pre-reqs is over, and I get to take REAL classes that will give me a chance to (ideally!) shine. Finally, I can start to feel EAGER to learn again. I can be fascinated and challenged by classes I care about, not tortured by those I would rather avoid. International Marketing, Consumer Behaviour, and a whole host of interesting things... there are good times ahead. Yeah, I gotta take some death finance and human resources and crap, but only a little. I find that I do fear their intimidating numbers half so much as I should. COuld it be because I feel I might, in some corner of my soul, have a TALENT for them...? Math and accounting are not my forte, but communications and marketing I know. I can do these things so far and hopefully I will do them better when taught. It will be completely liberating when I can finally take courses that play to my strengths rather than rub salt in my gaping weaknesses.
6.) College goes by really damn fast. I almost half done with it already. Can I really learn all I need to know in just two years? Am I really a freakin' BUSINESS student? In the summer of '08 box, I put a row of "???????" ... it puts butterflies in my stomach to look at. Will I have an awesome job by then? Will I feel trapped by something I hate? What if I have to move miles away? What if I am still single, will I have to live alone and discontent? What if my GPA isn't high enough for grad school? What if something happens between now and then that changes my life? How many countries will I have set foot on? How many mountains will I have climbed? Will I still be the same Anna? Butterflies, irridiscent and dizzying.
7.) Oakland never sleeps. Despite this, no one in this house has EVER become snarky with one another. We don't get bitchy. We don't have conflicts. We don't take out zero hours of sleep on our environment or each other. We just keep going, peaceful and silly. We grab naps when we can, force people to stay awake when we must, find strength in each other... We share the late-night snacks we make with each other and take study breaks together.
It's true that I would have gone to bed much earlier every night this week had I lived somewhere else, but never could I say that I stayed up so late completely in vain. I stay up sometimes in order to motivate other people to stay up, and othertimes other people stay up late to motivate me. In this way I am extraordinarily productive at night, just as I have been extraordinarily productive this entire week. I would not have done this if I did not have Oakland.
I also would not have been able to spend the time my productivity at night freed up with such wonderful people... thank you, guys. You know who you are. The last week and a half has been more or less awesome.
Let it be known that I am thankful beyond words.
8.) I will almost definitely be studying abroad in Salamanca, Spain during the summer of '07 (and if that somehow fails, it will be summer '08.) Classes last for roughly two months and after that I'll be travelling Europe, and I am currently seeking companions to travel the continent around with me. I intend to mail my most of my luggage back and backpack from hostel to hostel, camping if I can or otherwise staying wherever is safe. I would prefer some male companions on this for obvious safety reasons, and I also need people who will definitely be able to go along. I can give you a better timeframe later, but so far we are looking at August.
9.) Army/Navy boys and I seem to be tragically drawn to each other. This is a bad thing. Somebody help me find me a non-deployable equivalent ASAP. ;)
10.)
I am 20 years old. I am wearing a velvet-tanktop, stupid blue ankle socks, and a black furry hoody. I like things that are soft.
My hair is blonde-shoulder-length, layered, ridiculous with static. A few months ago I looked like a boy. I still act like one often, but now I don't look so butch,
I have put on weight, but I have also put on muscle. I have been working out hard. My muscles are currently on fire from aerobics this morning and I am apparently very pale... but I do not chalk this up to medical reasons. I think I am just extremely European-looking.
I am sipping a blue Nalgene and listening to Garth Brooks' "Two Pina Coladas." I sort of wish I had two of those right now, but I am too hungry to think about alcohol. I also am not much into drinking, for all the random moments I think it would be nice. I am not into many things most people are, but I am into more things most people are not. Right now I have a strong desire to be physical. Rock-climbing, aerobics, martial arts, archery, belly-dancing, and hiking... oh, and sex. I would like that right now. I am tired, but I'm cuddly when I'm sleepy. In fact, I usually am.
Imbolc is coming up and as I think of this I find that there are butterflies again in my stomach... I am so unworthy of so many things. And yet, there they are, lavished upon me.
It is 1:48am right now. I have work at 9:30 tomorrow in Delaware, an internship I dislike but that pays me well. I have hardly any homework this weekend. I have plenty of DP work to do.
Now my music has changed as I finish cleaning my room enough for sleep;
I am singing:
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive-by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes and you don't mind
You smile
And say the world, it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you, you're so serene
Careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt
You're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you
There's things I would like to do
That you don't believe in
I would like to build something
But you'll never see it happen
And there's this burning, like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've... I've never been so alive
There are so many things I will never be able to fully express myself.
There are even more things I would never WANT to express, even if I could.
I haven't eaten in 7 hours...
But I am used to feeling hungry.