Sentiment
I am learning to comprehend the difference between the ideal me, for you
And the ideal me, for myself
I am at a place in my life where I shouldn't be having to make choices
About who to hang out with, who to see, where I should be
But there still is this string from inside of me
Wrapped around my spinal cord and the other end is in your hands
And you can still tug it just slightly and I almost feel obligated to fall into your arms
Even though I stop myself every time -- to the point of being on the tips of my toes
The hesitation stops me, saves me, and I do not do it-- even though a part of me wants me to let go...
...And do it anyway
The expenditures that I would have to make are not worth it
I like my friends, I like the people I have gotten to know... better
I like being carefree and appreciated and given company
Five - Seven days in a week, instead of two or three
I am branching out, exploring new territory
There is a new life within my unfounded story...
It's a work in progress, it's incomplete, it changes all the time
Like sand and salty ocean water, lapping at my feet.
I'm not worth the hung-up phone calls, the bitter words exchanged
You didn't see me permanently alter myself - I just made myself estranged
Sure, when I'm sick I miss the person who bought me my ginger ale when I ran out
Of course I liked being able to be less uptight and judgmental because I knew everything
And I enjoyed being worshiped and loved and adored...
But even with you there was a certain amount of lack of comfortable
Your family - that hated me? - made it an unable
Venture, a lifestyle of awkward nomenclature
But I will never move past that resentment
Just like you will never get the whole sentiment
In the beginning, my anger was mostly channeled at her
I didn't know I could hate someone who barely knew me
[Because I had hated before, but nothing like this]
And then I realized, one day, not long ago, it was not soley she
I could rightfully, or mostly, hate you, to a tolerable degree.
Your words, actions, and choices ruined everything
I should have figured your mind would wander when I rejected the ring
I know you don't think that you did, but you really should
At this point I can't stop saying it, this word vomit
Of aggravation, you know me, you know deep down I would...
...Not ever forgive you for the way you went about
Lying and lying and lying about everything
If I had known her better, I probably would've asked
And maybe she would have told me what I had been thinking
Often I catch myself saying things to people
Who don't yet deserve my passing judgment on any level or front
The things they choose to do I feel like I need to confront
After everything that has been contradicted, conflicted, and constricted
I should've known, it was all predicted.
It's been three months and your scent no longer lingers
So I'm cutting that string and wrapping its end around my own fingers
And the ideal me, for myself
I am at a place in my life where I shouldn't be having to make choices
About who to hang out with, who to see, where I should be
But there still is this string from inside of me
Wrapped around my spinal cord and the other end is in your hands
And you can still tug it just slightly and I almost feel obligated to fall into your arms
Even though I stop myself every time -- to the point of being on the tips of my toes
The hesitation stops me, saves me, and I do not do it-- even though a part of me wants me to let go...
...And do it anyway
The expenditures that I would have to make are not worth it
I like my friends, I like the people I have gotten to know... better
I like being carefree and appreciated and given company
Five - Seven days in a week, instead of two or three
I am branching out, exploring new territory
There is a new life within my unfounded story...
It's a work in progress, it's incomplete, it changes all the time
Like sand and salty ocean water, lapping at my feet.
I'm not worth the hung-up phone calls, the bitter words exchanged
You didn't see me permanently alter myself - I just made myself estranged
Sure, when I'm sick I miss the person who bought me my ginger ale when I ran out
Of course I liked being able to be less uptight and judgmental because I knew everything
And I enjoyed being worshiped and loved and adored...
But even with you there was a certain amount of lack of comfortable
Your family - that hated me? - made it an unable
Venture, a lifestyle of awkward nomenclature
But I will never move past that resentment
Just like you will never get the whole sentiment
In the beginning, my anger was mostly channeled at her
I didn't know I could hate someone who barely knew me
[Because I had hated before, but nothing like this]
And then I realized, one day, not long ago, it was not soley she
I could rightfully, or mostly, hate you, to a tolerable degree.
Your words, actions, and choices ruined everything
I should have figured your mind would wander when I rejected the ring
I know you don't think that you did, but you really should
At this point I can't stop saying it, this word vomit
Of aggravation, you know me, you know deep down I would...
...Not ever forgive you for the way you went about
Lying and lying and lying about everything
If I had known her better, I probably would've asked
And maybe she would have told me what I had been thinking
Often I catch myself saying things to people
Who don't yet deserve my passing judgment on any level or front
The things they choose to do I feel like I need to confront
After everything that has been contradicted, conflicted, and constricted
I should've known, it was all predicted.
It's been three months and your scent no longer lingers
So I'm cutting that string and wrapping its end around my own fingers