(no subject)
Party all the time
So, the party was pretty fun. The beginning was really slow and not so amazing, but after we opened presents and Jimmy started reading our tarot's (if that's how you say it) then it got more fun. I really enjoyed myself. G-ro and I wore really cute dresses and we got lots of cool stuff. All of our friends were there. It was so nice. And so chill. Nothing bad happened, no drama, no arguments...so refreshing and so nice. I loved it.
The craziest part of the night was when Jimmy read out our cards. OMG! I was first, and I really wasn't expecting it to be so accurate. Like, the cards about my past were kind of vague, and I had to think about it for a while, but my present ones were really creepy. It like, spelled out everything that's been happening for the last month. The "new phase" and the situations. It was crazy. Even Chris was like "Whoa! Stop now!" because he even knew what Jimmy was talking about.
I am slightly worried about my future though.
Le sigh.
It freaked me out.
And I am going to be careful in the next few months.
Anyways, I really did have fun at the party. I felt kind of bad for Blaine, though. He didn't really have anything to talk about since he was the only one there not associated with chorus in some way. Le sigh. I miss hanging out with him. I miss a lot of friends I used to have. It's like they are all there, but unreachable. Like, I used to hang out with Paxton a lot, but once he left we didn't have time to hang out, then there was a weird time when he kind of didn't like me, and now we are okay again. And Blaine and I used to hang out all the time, but now we never ever see each other. We have a class together, but even in class we never do stuff together. I don't know. I miss the days when I hung out with people. Now I don't do that as much.
I am getting closer to people I never thought I'd be friends with. Like, Jenn and Ben for example. Also Alanna, LP, and Maddie have all been closer to me this year. It's fun. Friends are fun. And I never have problems with any of them. It's refreshing to have friends that I never argue with. I know G-ro and I have gotten super duper close ever since Out of this World camp. Yeah, I loved her before and all that stuff...but now we just have SO MUCH FUN when we are together. We talk about all the silly stuff and all the personal stuff. We don't have anything to argue about and I can tell that she is genuine and honest with me. She really is the best friend I have ever had.
*tear*
I think the best part about our friendship though is definitly the fact that I never feel like I need to prove anything to her and I can be myself. Yeah yeah, I am myself all the time, but she seems to really appreciate my bad jokes. It's never really awkward (we just like the awkward bunny too much to not include him in our conversations when we can). In middle school, I always felt like I needed to show everyone that I could fit in even though by doing that I really didn't. Everyone was the same in Millington, and I wasn't exactly like them. I had to make myself more like them and I hated it. Gah. I practiclly forced myself into the "popular girl" group and now looking back it was so stupid. I succeeded! I was in the group! But I was boring and had no personality because my personality was their personality. Ugh. So dumb. After I started high school in Tennessee, I grew out of their group a little. We were still friends, but none of them were in my chorus (they were in the girls groups and I was in the madrigal group) so I made new friends. Without them around, I had to rely on my actual personality, and not theirs. CRAZY! Then when I moved back here, it was all different. The first day of school, which was an A day, at Cox was so bad! Then after talking to Tara (my bff from TN) I decided that the next day I would go out and make friends and be outgoing like I knew I was. Of course, A days from then on were horrible and I had no one to talk to, and then B days I had lots of friends and knew lots of people.
And here I am at PA.
Yeah, I had real friends in TN like Tara, Emily, Kim and some other people...and by the time we got to 8th grade, I was more of myself than I was like them. It just took so long that it limited me to who I could really talk to. And since the school was so small, everyone knew everyone and had their groups. So. Lame. And. Sad.
I am done talking now.
I should sleep.
Remind me I have to write my research paper before school starts.
And I am not working on it on my birthday.
And my birthdat is the day after tomorrow.
So remind me I have to do my research paper tomorrow.
Goodnight world.