what i dont understand
what i don't understand, is why you take advantage of me. I'm a nice person, but please don't do that sort of shit. I'm not a fucking idiot and I know that you're using me. So why do I let you? I suppose I am sort of an idiot to even begin to let you do that to me for six weeks. Six weeks I believed that I would benefit from doing you this favor, that somehow you would be real friends with me, and we would stick together and set out on our lofty careers together. I believed you would help me too. What about the time I had a fever and you still made me go? I don't understand, don't understand why this is such a sad sad world.
What I don't understand is why I'm doing so poorly this semester. I had pretty good grades last semester, and I really thought I was going to improve. Now what will my aunt think? I am such a failure. I can't believe Purcell gave me that. I just, can't believe I am legit failing a class. It's not ok, you know? It's not okay. I am not taking your class again. I will play your game and I will fucking win. I will go to your office hours, I will outline everything. I will show you that I am not what you think I am.
Today Jessie and I went to Central Park for the first time, and I realized that's the New York I want to see. That's the New York I saw myself in, with wide roads and cobblestones. That's what I pictured myself in. It's sort of sad, really, to see myself in the Village and not at all what I thought my life here was to be. I could be happy here, I thought, as I found Nobu with Jessie and said random things to her and watched her stare at me. I cannot allow the animals in my room or the people drive me crazy. I can be happy here. I know it, alright? So don't try to take that away from me, Purcell, friend user, mean people on the street, fat ugly woman downstairs. I can be something here, I can make a life here and not be miserable. It can work out. I will not let all those people get in the way of what I can be.
What I don't understand is why I'm doing so poorly this semester. I had pretty good grades last semester, and I really thought I was going to improve. Now what will my aunt think? I am such a failure. I can't believe Purcell gave me that. I just, can't believe I am legit failing a class. It's not ok, you know? It's not okay. I am not taking your class again. I will play your game and I will fucking win. I will go to your office hours, I will outline everything. I will show you that I am not what you think I am.
Today Jessie and I went to Central Park for the first time, and I realized that's the New York I want to see. That's the New York I saw myself in, with wide roads and cobblestones. That's what I pictured myself in. It's sort of sad, really, to see myself in the Village and not at all what I thought my life here was to be. I could be happy here, I thought, as I found Nobu with Jessie and said random things to her and watched her stare at me. I cannot allow the animals in my room or the people drive me crazy. I can be happy here. I know it, alright? So don't try to take that away from me, Purcell, friend user, mean people on the street, fat ugly woman downstairs. I can be something here, I can make a life here and not be miserable. It can work out. I will not let all those people get in the way of what I can be.