summer time...why are things still crazy?
so I was looking toward summer with hope that I would get to rest once my classes were done. But really things have gotten even more crazy since I got out of school. I am working more which is good and bad, good because I need the money but bad because I feel like I never got a break from school. my mind is constantly working on something and I just want to turn it off.
I also thought things would calm down once I moved. which they did to a degree. But it doesn't feel like home and I don't know why. It is also hard to be so far from my friends I don't like feeling alone but I do. I understand people not wanting to drive all the way up here because there are days when I don't feel like driving down to towson or to work but I do sometimes because I have to and others because I want to do something.
I found a park near my house which has helped me a great deal. I feel calm there with my ipod and my dog and we walk for hours and I just lose track of time. It is not as good as the ocean but it makes me feel somewhat away from my problems. I want to go to the beach so bad that I considered driving up by myself just for a day because I need it. Its weird to put that way but the ocean is the only place that I have found to give me the feeling of calm no matter what is going on.
It angers me that I already feel summer slipping away and before I know it I will be overwhelmed again. I finally made progress this semester by getting in to the program and passing musicianship, but I need to be able to continue to make progress. I decided not to take one of the classes I was planning to take because I don't need it or at least right now. I am trying to avoid as many breakdowns as I can. Because I know the classes that I am taking will challenge every fiber of my being, but I would not go through it if I were not sure that this is what I want to do. Knowing how far I am from my goal just scares me sometimes.
I also thought things would calm down once I moved. which they did to a degree. But it doesn't feel like home and I don't know why. It is also hard to be so far from my friends I don't like feeling alone but I do. I understand people not wanting to drive all the way up here because there are days when I don't feel like driving down to towson or to work but I do sometimes because I have to and others because I want to do something.
I found a park near my house which has helped me a great deal. I feel calm there with my ipod and my dog and we walk for hours and I just lose track of time. It is not as good as the ocean but it makes me feel somewhat away from my problems. I want to go to the beach so bad that I considered driving up by myself just for a day because I need it. Its weird to put that way but the ocean is the only place that I have found to give me the feeling of calm no matter what is going on.
It angers me that I already feel summer slipping away and before I know it I will be overwhelmed again. I finally made progress this semester by getting in to the program and passing musicianship, but I need to be able to continue to make progress. I decided not to take one of the classes I was planning to take because I don't need it or at least right now. I am trying to avoid as many breakdowns as I can. Because I know the classes that I am taking will challenge every fiber of my being, but I would not go through it if I were not sure that this is what I want to do. Knowing how far I am from my goal just scares me sometimes.