. . . watching the days burning out like a cigarette . . .
So I don't use this thing much anymore. I guess I just stopped seeing the point of it, you know? Most of the people who truly matter I see on an almost daily basis anyhow, so it's often entirely pointless to write things here. But, you know, sometimes...well, sometimes.
I've had two really great nights back to back, after a pretty damned decent weekend, and it's kind of helped get me all back into perspective. I really enjoy just getting to hang out and talk and reconnect with my 'family' -- it puts me at peace when things start to feel chaotic inside. Life is good, and I love all eight of my best friends, as well as all of my other close friends.
I'm slowly starting to find direction in my life again. I was thrown off a bit when I changed my major -- and, while I did enjoy my old major, I really do think this is a very good change. It's just taken a bit of time to figure out who I am in this new direction -- it's almost like I had to find my identity all over again. But no worries, yeah? I'm happy with my choices. I'm definitely happier in one of my new academic communities, and I think I'll be happier in the other new one as well, given a bit of time.
It's amazing to think how much my life has changed in the last year. I've changed my major -- I, who was so set in my studies. I've changed some of my views on life. I traveled outside of the US for the first time and gained some new perspective on things. I found the pleasure in getting fucked up, as well as the pleasure in choosing to pass on a night of getting fucked up. I started smoking. I tripped and had my world turned upside down -- and then built back up in a newer, better way. I survived my first legitimate bout of depression. I felt more ups and downs of emotion than I ever had in all my previous years of existence. I learned to really love myself and to believe in my own self-worth. I found true friends -- I found a family. I found a home.
I was already close to Ali and Chole, and to a certain extent Genny, by this time last October, but how could I have imagined how important Daniel, Mitch, Shawn, Justin, and Shiloh would become to me when I first met them a year ago? And then all of the really close people I found through my connection with this family -- Kristin (who preceded the guys, actually), Matt, Garreth, Kris, and Cameron. It's incredible.
What a year. What an amazing fucking year. Life is good.
I've had two really great nights back to back, after a pretty damned decent weekend, and it's kind of helped get me all back into perspective. I really enjoy just getting to hang out and talk and reconnect with my 'family' -- it puts me at peace when things start to feel chaotic inside. Life is good, and I love all eight of my best friends, as well as all of my other close friends.
I'm slowly starting to find direction in my life again. I was thrown off a bit when I changed my major -- and, while I did enjoy my old major, I really do think this is a very good change. It's just taken a bit of time to figure out who I am in this new direction -- it's almost like I had to find my identity all over again. But no worries, yeah? I'm happy with my choices. I'm definitely happier in one of my new academic communities, and I think I'll be happier in the other new one as well, given a bit of time.
It's amazing to think how much my life has changed in the last year. I've changed my major -- I, who was so set in my studies. I've changed some of my views on life. I traveled outside of the US for the first time and gained some new perspective on things. I found the pleasure in getting fucked up, as well as the pleasure in choosing to pass on a night of getting fucked up. I started smoking. I tripped and had my world turned upside down -- and then built back up in a newer, better way. I survived my first legitimate bout of depression. I felt more ups and downs of emotion than I ever had in all my previous years of existence. I learned to really love myself and to believe in my own self-worth. I found true friends -- I found a family. I found a home.
I was already close to Ali and Chole, and to a certain extent Genny, by this time last October, but how could I have imagined how important Daniel, Mitch, Shawn, Justin, and Shiloh would become to me when I first met them a year ago? And then all of the really close people I found through my connection with this family -- Kristin (who preceded the guys, actually), Matt, Garreth, Kris, and Cameron. It's incredible.
What a year. What an amazing fucking year. Life is good.