(no subject)
it's been quite a series of events since i last updated. i think i've grown more in the past few months than i ever expected to - spiritually, emotionally, mentally. i don't even think i can begin to explain the transformation in its entirety.
pam started it all...chamber choir and "it is well with my soul" helped me overcome the stuff in my life that has been on my shoulders for WAY too long...i think i've finally put it down. and while my back is still tired from carrying it for four years, i feel like i'm okay with that feeling, because i'm most definitely in the healing process now. i don't feel lost anymore.
camp cory helped so much as well. i thought that being there without my closest friends was going to be a real struggle for me, but it was actually an amazing eye opener. i realized that i don't need to have my safety blanket of good friends to have a good time. i can be with an entirely different group of people, and still help create new and wonderful experiences. my cabin was wonderful - those little 7th graders gave me new insight into where i came from, where my insecurities came from, how i got here from where they are now. it was like looking in a mirror that took me backwards in time to middle school where i was unhappy and insecure for all the wrong reasons - naive and confused.
it's interesting how when i look back on my life, i don't remember the good days with as much fondness and nostalgia as the bad ones. i learned more from the bad ones, you know? they taught me more. they made me who i am today. and that's what i've realized this summer. that the culmination of my experiences makes me who i am. i shouldn't, and don't, have any regrets. i am who i am, and i am proud to be here. i am proud of what i accomplished, i am proud of what i went through, and i am proud to know that i came out no longer naive and confused. i know who i am, or at least who i want to be, and i feel like i'm the way to getting there.
it's a good feeling.
pam started it all...chamber choir and "it is well with my soul" helped me overcome the stuff in my life that has been on my shoulders for WAY too long...i think i've finally put it down. and while my back is still tired from carrying it for four years, i feel like i'm okay with that feeling, because i'm most definitely in the healing process now. i don't feel lost anymore.
camp cory helped so much as well. i thought that being there without my closest friends was going to be a real struggle for me, but it was actually an amazing eye opener. i realized that i don't need to have my safety blanket of good friends to have a good time. i can be with an entirely different group of people, and still help create new and wonderful experiences. my cabin was wonderful - those little 7th graders gave me new insight into where i came from, where my insecurities came from, how i got here from where they are now. it was like looking in a mirror that took me backwards in time to middle school where i was unhappy and insecure for all the wrong reasons - naive and confused.
it's interesting how when i look back on my life, i don't remember the good days with as much fondness and nostalgia as the bad ones. i learned more from the bad ones, you know? they taught me more. they made me who i am today. and that's what i've realized this summer. that the culmination of my experiences makes me who i am. i shouldn't, and don't, have any regrets. i am who i am, and i am proud to be here. i am proud of what i accomplished, i am proud of what i went through, and i am proud to know that i came out no longer naive and confused. i know who i am, or at least who i want to be, and i feel like i'm the way to getting there.
it's a good feeling.