Whats the point in all this screaming, your not listening anyway....
I destroyed jeans today, was feeling rather violent
I still havent brought myself to crying
I just cant
Listening to comforting friends
and clueless parents
vertical horizion on the player
away messages...that fail to describe it
holding on just hurts
and letting go is impossible
I just cant stop caring
everthing has a memory
a song
a road
a t-shirt
a movie
and what am I supposed to do
it all feels wrong
I dont even know if this is a poem
or a paragraph
in between the breaths in
and exhalations out
theres a sting
that wont go away
no one to blame
no one to turn to
just me, alone with my pain
and sure Ill move on
and sure...Ill be fine
but I am currently NOT fine
and I dont know who to turn to
the only person who can make me happy
no longer can make me happy
I miss him
but I cant even look him in the eye when hes around
some thought that we were too different
like I wanted something he couldnt give
but that wasnt it
I never wanted something he couldnt give
I wanted something he wouldnt give
I wanted him to be HIM
to care for me in HIS way
and to care with all hes got
because I wanted to give the same
to give myself as I am
to care in my own way
and with all I've got
and I did.
But it wasnt enough
somehow
it didnt work,
and now I watch the happiest moments of my life
transform into the bitter most painful memories
and a part of me dies
and he wants me to be simple
to be a friend
or an enemy
to be kind
or hateful
beacuase he cant see me hurt
Well, I am not angry
and I am not friendly
I cant hate him
and I cant pretend the pain doesnt exsist
I want nothing more than to see him
to hold him
but when I see him I cant
nothing he ever gives me will ever mean the same
and I cant accept it
I cant take his compliments
or opinions
or his criticisms
because I am not supposed to care about them
but I still do
so I cant bear hearing it
He says its not easy for him either
something tells me only we can help eachother
but now its impossible
He says he doenst want to loose me
im afraid I might lose myself
so how can I find him
with out finding my heart
and how can forget my heart
and still remember him?
I dont want to loose him
He says hes not really gone
its just different
but I loose myself in the difference
I dont know if I will ever see him again after this month
and I dont know if I can really bring myself to trust him again
I dont know if my feelings will just die
and I dont know that all hope for us to be in eachothers lives
will die with it
how is it that I hurt him?
I tried so hard
and its like it didnt make any difference to him
and it only matters when its convienent
if hes hurt it hurts me
and if hes not it hurts me the same
so no one can win here
he wants to move on
like I dont?
But I cant
I just cant do this
I cant feel this way, and pretend like I dont
I cant speak to someone who I long to hold me
I cant joke about the weather
when I ache to be kissed in the rain
The world has become an ironic game
where everyone looses
and the winners die
trying makes things worse
and giving up kills the ones you love
How can we both hurt apart
and still agree not to be together
why does apart of me wish to make him mad
wish to say things that show him im ok
when Im dying inside...
why is anything I feel for him
poison in my viens?
he wants to be there for me
how can he comfort someone whose pain is caused by him?
and im sure it wouldnt help his pain any better
what did I do wrong
and what did he need that I couldnt give?
theres no easy way
I wish I could just end it all
I dont know what to do
and no ones happy
and no one will be
so whats the point?
who will ever love me?
why did this all begin
if it had to end?
and it hurts more
because he doesnt know
and he doesnt understand
and I feel like I will never talk to him again
and I promised him I would
but it hurts so much
and I die writing..
and ive been thinkin
but it hurts me thinking
that these nights when we were drinking
no they never got us anywhere
no
this is because i can spell confusion with a 'K'
and i can like it
its to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
its to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star
im not your star
isnt that what you said
what you thought this song meant
I still havent brought myself to crying
I just cant
Listening to comforting friends
and clueless parents
vertical horizion on the player
away messages...that fail to describe it
holding on just hurts
and letting go is impossible
I just cant stop caring
everthing has a memory
a song
a road
a t-shirt
a movie
and what am I supposed to do
it all feels wrong
I dont even know if this is a poem
or a paragraph
in between the breaths in
and exhalations out
theres a sting
that wont go away
no one to blame
no one to turn to
just me, alone with my pain
and sure Ill move on
and sure...Ill be fine
but I am currently NOT fine
and I dont know who to turn to
the only person who can make me happy
no longer can make me happy
I miss him
but I cant even look him in the eye when hes around
some thought that we were too different
like I wanted something he couldnt give
but that wasnt it
I never wanted something he couldnt give
I wanted something he wouldnt give
I wanted him to be HIM
to care for me in HIS way
and to care with all hes got
because I wanted to give the same
to give myself as I am
to care in my own way
and with all I've got
and I did.
But it wasnt enough
somehow
it didnt work,
and now I watch the happiest moments of my life
transform into the bitter most painful memories
and a part of me dies
and he wants me to be simple
to be a friend
or an enemy
to be kind
or hateful
beacuase he cant see me hurt
Well, I am not angry
and I am not friendly
I cant hate him
and I cant pretend the pain doesnt exsist
I want nothing more than to see him
to hold him
but when I see him I cant
nothing he ever gives me will ever mean the same
and I cant accept it
I cant take his compliments
or opinions
or his criticisms
because I am not supposed to care about them
but I still do
so I cant bear hearing it
He says its not easy for him either
something tells me only we can help eachother
but now its impossible
He says he doenst want to loose me
im afraid I might lose myself
so how can I find him
with out finding my heart
and how can forget my heart
and still remember him?
I dont want to loose him
He says hes not really gone
its just different
but I loose myself in the difference
I dont know if I will ever see him again after this month
and I dont know if I can really bring myself to trust him again
I dont know if my feelings will just die
and I dont know that all hope for us to be in eachothers lives
will die with it
how is it that I hurt him?
I tried so hard
and its like it didnt make any difference to him
and it only matters when its convienent
if hes hurt it hurts me
and if hes not it hurts me the same
so no one can win here
he wants to move on
like I dont?
But I cant
I just cant do this
I cant feel this way, and pretend like I dont
I cant speak to someone who I long to hold me
I cant joke about the weather
when I ache to be kissed in the rain
The world has become an ironic game
where everyone looses
and the winners die
trying makes things worse
and giving up kills the ones you love
How can we both hurt apart
and still agree not to be together
why does apart of me wish to make him mad
wish to say things that show him im ok
when Im dying inside...
why is anything I feel for him
poison in my viens?
he wants to be there for me
how can he comfort someone whose pain is caused by him?
and im sure it wouldnt help his pain any better
what did I do wrong
and what did he need that I couldnt give?
theres no easy way
I wish I could just end it all
I dont know what to do
and no ones happy
and no one will be
so whats the point?
who will ever love me?
why did this all begin
if it had to end?
and it hurts more
because he doesnt know
and he doesnt understand
and I feel like I will never talk to him again
and I promised him I would
but it hurts so much
and I die writing..
and ive been thinkin
but it hurts me thinking
that these nights when we were drinking
no they never got us anywhere
no
this is because i can spell confusion with a 'K'
and i can like it
its to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
its to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star
im not your star
isnt that what you said
what you thought this song meant