(no subject)
I just need a minute to catch my breath...
These past couple of days have been CHALLENGING. That's the only way to describe it. I've been in the mode lately where the only things that matter are church,band,family,band,band,band. And this past week has been that... plus about a million other conflicts, both internally and externally. I'm just so sick of being lonely. Yea, i know... you're gonna think, "woah... what the emo melissa." and im going to respond by saying, "thanks. Don't read my journal anymore if you don't want to hear about how im truly feeling. :) ) But i'm just so sick of it. Everyone has someone it seems like. Everyone has the person that they can run to when they need them there... and... I just feel like I am lacking in that part. And thats when I realized something. Actually... I realized it in my driveway after I had been yelling at Kristen (out of frustration towards everything... not towards her... dont want rumors starting!). God and music. They are never going to back out on what they do. Music is always going to be there. God is always going to be there. So yea... essentially I have nothing to worry about. But I think every once in a while I'm allowed to get frustrated at this sort of thing.
And I was really close to writing after that whole thing, "I just wish...". But I'm sick of saying that. I'm tired of wishing my life away. Because honestly, to any of the seniors that read this, or anyone thats moving next year... this is it. this is the last time for a lot of this stuff that is going on. I do not want to sit here and wish away something that I might never get back, for example these amazing friendships, or this band competition... I dont want to let those go by the wayside simply because I am more excited about something that is coming after that. I want to be just as excited about the smaller thing that I am about the large.
I'm over being a hypocritical Christian. I did that last year and the year before that. I'm over it. I'm not going sit here and say I am going to be perfect now that I am telling everyone this. But... I'm also not going to back out and be less of a person because someone has said something to me that I don't agree with. I'm not going to say that I believe in something and then the next second go against most of what I just proclaimed. God didn't do that. What gives me the right?? Some may say... the fact that I am human. Yea. I'm human. I'm going to make mistakes. But I'm not going to sit here and say that I am just as good of a person who...say... makes a concious effort to not do that type of stuff. not huge stuff. To the world it's probably so immaculate and doesn't matter. To me... it means the world.
And the hurricane.
Whatever happens, obviously is supposed to happen. I'm praying like a crazy woman that it doesn't hit us. And then i say.... "Not now... now's not a good time". But seriously, melissa... when is a good time for a destructive storm to hit your town??? honestly. But then I was thinking to myself in class today... what I want to do this summer revolves around changing people's lives by bettering their living conditions, or their playgrounds, or just talking with them... whether it be in georgia, tennessee, tampa, or outside biloxi. Helping people rebuild their lives. What happens if that is us??? What happens if there are relief teams that are going to come because we need the help more than the other people??? HOW SCARY IS THAT.
Your world can be changed, shattered, rebuilt, torn, made anew... all in one breath. Don't waste it. Life's too short to wish it away thinking about the better things that is coming along.
These past couple of days have been CHALLENGING. That's the only way to describe it. I've been in the mode lately where the only things that matter are church,band,family,band,band,band. And this past week has been that... plus about a million other conflicts, both internally and externally. I'm just so sick of being lonely. Yea, i know... you're gonna think, "woah... what the emo melissa." and im going to respond by saying, "thanks. Don't read my journal anymore if you don't want to hear about how im truly feeling. :) ) But i'm just so sick of it. Everyone has someone it seems like. Everyone has the person that they can run to when they need them there... and... I just feel like I am lacking in that part. And thats when I realized something. Actually... I realized it in my driveway after I had been yelling at Kristen (out of frustration towards everything... not towards her... dont want rumors starting!). God and music. They are never going to back out on what they do. Music is always going to be there. God is always going to be there. So yea... essentially I have nothing to worry about. But I think every once in a while I'm allowed to get frustrated at this sort of thing.
And I was really close to writing after that whole thing, "I just wish...". But I'm sick of saying that. I'm tired of wishing my life away. Because honestly, to any of the seniors that read this, or anyone thats moving next year... this is it. this is the last time for a lot of this stuff that is going on. I do not want to sit here and wish away something that I might never get back, for example these amazing friendships, or this band competition... I dont want to let those go by the wayside simply because I am more excited about something that is coming after that. I want to be just as excited about the smaller thing that I am about the large.
I'm over being a hypocritical Christian. I did that last year and the year before that. I'm over it. I'm not going sit here and say I am going to be perfect now that I am telling everyone this. But... I'm also not going to back out and be less of a person because someone has said something to me that I don't agree with. I'm not going to say that I believe in something and then the next second go against most of what I just proclaimed. God didn't do that. What gives me the right?? Some may say... the fact that I am human. Yea. I'm human. I'm going to make mistakes. But I'm not going to sit here and say that I am just as good of a person who...say... makes a concious effort to not do that type of stuff. not huge stuff. To the world it's probably so immaculate and doesn't matter. To me... it means the world.
And the hurricane.
Whatever happens, obviously is supposed to happen. I'm praying like a crazy woman that it doesn't hit us. And then i say.... "Not now... now's not a good time". But seriously, melissa... when is a good time for a destructive storm to hit your town??? honestly. But then I was thinking to myself in class today... what I want to do this summer revolves around changing people's lives by bettering their living conditions, or their playgrounds, or just talking with them... whether it be in georgia, tennessee, tampa, or outside biloxi. Helping people rebuild their lives. What happens if that is us??? What happens if there are relief teams that are going to come because we need the help more than the other people??? HOW SCARY IS THAT.
Your world can be changed, shattered, rebuilt, torn, made anew... all in one breath. Don't waste it. Life's too short to wish it away thinking about the better things that is coming along.